Does this count as a date?

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I'm not sure. I may have mentioned it to someone else in front of her. Also she may have overheard the supervisor saying that I'd lost of a lot of weight since my driver's license photo was taken. This one time I discussed weight loss techniques with her, (regarding my weight, not hers). She had a few tips which made me think she has some interest in weight loss. Really I was fishing to see if she had any interest in the subject. Also after the first week she refused to eat the catered food because she said it made her gain weight.

All this makes me think she may be trying to lose weight on her own but I think in some ways it would be harder for her than me. Her more active lifestyle means it's not practical for her to go on crash diets like I do every few months. I think if she took phentermine the ice hockey league may consider it a performance enhancing substance.

Hmmm. Maybe. I've seen some fat girls with cute faces but she's more average in the face (yes, I mean average in the literal sense this time).

She generally has a positive and well adjusted attitude. I've never heard her complain about anything but things related to her auditory and gustatory sensory issues.

My feeling is: She'd make a good friend. I wouldn't "try" anything with her just yet. If the attraction isn't there, it isn't there. You might become attracted to her within the course of your friendship.

I've made that mistake: pretending I was attracted to someone when I wasn't. I paid for it.

I think she'd be good for you, actually.

But don't "put your eggs in one basket" when it comes to her.

How will I pay for it if I pretend to attracted to her?

Through text I asked her out for coffee again and she was unavailable until after we start work in about three weeks. Maybe she wasn't into me after all.

Next she wrote "I do hope you have a wonderful weekend and holiday and I'll see you in the new year". Sounds kind of formal. Maybe that's her way of telling me to back off. Or she could just be busy.

I don't claim to know this for sure but my instinct (and experience and being a woman) tells me this was her way of telling you to definitely not try again to catch up before then, because she is not interested in you in that way.

There were clues earlier on that you provided that indicated she was not interested. I didn't say anything in case I was wrong but I feel more confident now that I am right. Sounds like she is enjoys being your friend though (as long as you don't make things awkward), seeing each other "as it happens" rather than proactively arranging stuff.

I probably shouldn't try to catch up after then either.

I'm just glad I found out she's not into me before I made a fool of myself.

What were the earlier clues?

(aside from the obvious one of her not wanting to see last week?)

Reading back over it all, that was it really. But it was the way you put it:


Red flag red flag. Basically what I said just before is what I wanted to say in response to the above. If she was interested, she would make time or express regret at not having the time, rather than simply telling you when you will see each other next, that time being an occasion that is not a date. So she has done that twice now, so that makes it pretty clear IMO.

Yep, that makes it pretty clear. I hope I didn't piss her off too much.

I probably shouldn't have mentioned the term "coffee date" in that text I sent her yesterday. I'll bet that really pissed her off.

I doubt you pissed her off. May have made her feel a bit uncomfortable. No big deal.

Well that's a relief.

I wonder why she agreed to meet me a week and a half ago. It could be that she thought it was just a friendly get together, then she worked out I was in to her and that scared her off. Or it could be that she was into to me at the time, than three days later she wasn't. I can only speculate.

All I could say is: there's other fish in the sea. You will find that special someone.

The lady seems like she'll make a good friend, though. It is somewhat frequent that "friends first" leads to romance.

Don't lose faith. At least you're traveling in the proper circles. Better than being on benefits.

I guess my circle is one of Dante's.

Now......if you could produce a work such as Dante's! Who knows? Maybe you might!

Truly, I have NO prejudice against someone on benefits. If I fell in love with someone on benefits, that would be it...no questions asked...I'd want to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her.

But, in the "dating scene," it's better to not be on benefits than be on benefits. That's the truth of the matter.

Why?
I've been trying to figure this out and can't.
What is the purpose of the "dating scene?" Is it an economic endeavor as opposed to a romantic one? I don't understand why being on disability would make you a bad partner.

Here's one reason why it might be better to not be on benefits: Most people would prefer to earn their income rather than getting it from the government/taxpayer. So it would be reasonable to assume that someone who relies on government payments may not be as happy with themselves or their life as someone who is able to earn their income. So they might have "negative" traits such as depression or more generally just not being as happy, that may make them less desirable as a partner.

Alternatively if they are perfectly happy with receiving benefits and see no reason why earning their money might be preferable, that attitude may also make them less desirable as a partner.

That makes sense. I'm not particularly happy about being on disability. My goal of re-entering the work force is harder to reach than I had thought. Plus my mental health remains unstable (which is fair reason not to be good dating material on it's own.) But yeah, no one wants to date someone who is unhappy about their status in life. (Or one who deems it preferable to receive government payments than to work when they are able to.)