Obsessive thoughts connected to traumatic events
I'm not sure if those are intrusive thoughts, propably to some degree. But they seem to be more obsessive, thinking over and over it again, like I have to understand it what and why it happened and every little detail i don't understand, I suffer from and the bad memories return.
It's hard to explain, but I think it's connected to my autism, to the way I process information.
It got better, but it's still severe actually and I can't help it.
_________________
"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown." - Woody Allen
It's hard to explain, but I think it's connected to my autism, to the way I process information.
It got better, but it's still severe actually and I can't help it.
Do you have PTSD?
I actually dunno and I'm not diagnosed with it and even if I have it, I don't think I'll be diagnosed with it.
The thing is that my traumatic events happened in the psychiatry.
Actually more than one incident. They didn't have much experience with autism and didn't realised what was going on.
1) I was hugely claustrophobic in the locked ward and as a result I had to stay longer.
2) I tryed to talk about it for two years after the incident, without hardly any results.
3) When I left the stationary part of the psychiatry after this time, I called because a friend of mine was putting himself in danger. But the psychiatry didn't send me any help, because I was already known as a "trouble maker" after the incident in the locked ward. Also the police didn't help, because he was a "nut case". So he died in that night, after that the psychiatry took me seriously. He drove himself to death and died just a few hours after I called. Officially he died in an "accident". Now I dont have to go in that psychiatry anymore.
It was just hell for me and I'm still worried sick about everything that happened and how it could happen and about the stuff they wrote about me, if it can harm me any further. Logically I don't think so, because they managed that in future, in an emergency, I'll be send to some other psychiatry. And also locked my documents, so that they can't be send to other doctors, because I wanted so.
Now I've a very nice psychiatrist who isn't working there and who takes me seriously. He also knows what happened there. He'll also help in a possible emergency that I don't have to go there anymore.
_________________
"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown." - Woody Allen
Time?
Only thing that worked for me in the end.
The memories are still there.
But I understand on terms that make sense to me now.
And that has given me a sort of inner peace about all the experiences.
Psychiatry managed to lay the foundation for a life long distrust in the medical profession.
Your friend died not because of your actions
But because of the attitudes towards you.
And you should always remember that
Take care 'n' be lucky
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