"First kiss" locations/logistics

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mpe
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21 Jan 2015, 1:13 am

Stargazer43 wrote:

Moviefan2k4 wrote:

Here's a novel idea: why not just ask your date if you can kiss them? I don't mean blurting it out like a maniac, but a quiet whisper in their ear would be a good start. The worst they can do is say "no", after all...

That's what I've done thus far, and it has never worked out well...I always got a "thanks but no thanks". I have talked to a decent number of women about this, and they all agree that asking is unromantic, a turnoff, and would make them not want to kiss the person. Yes, I know this was a big debate here for a while and there were people on both sides of the fence, but from what I've seen asking definitely seems to hurt your chances with the majority of women. I do think that asking would be the best thing to do otherwise though, since it ensures that you're both on the same page and prevents any awkward situations.

This issue appears tobe that NT's can and often do negotiate issues of consent primarily (even entirely) through non verbal communication. For aspies verbal communication tends to be the ONLY way to negotiate anything. The whole "dating paradigm" appears to be something which suits NTs and NT communication styles.

Since the majority of women appear to make asking this kind of thing a "hard limit" it might well be argued that they are mutually incompatible with aspie men anyway. (It would be kind of ironic if this majority were to include aspie women...)

So the obvious question then becomes how to find the minority of women who accept, even prefer, verbal communication in these matters.

The_Face_of_Boo
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22 Jan 2015, 3:30 am

Echolalia wrote:

Stargazer43 wrote:

I agree with this. Even if I wanted to kiss the guy the fact he's done this is just making me feel all kinds of awkward and I'd be inclined to say 'no' out of reflex in order to break the uncomfortable moment. Knowing it's coming is just so weird. Like I say...okay. Now what do you do? Would you not now feel pressured to perform knowing that I am now watching you make a move?

Most women think you, but we had two female users who kept insisted this not the case :lol:

I think the OP knows about who I am talking, they were so not in touch with the womanfolk in the world tho.

The_Face_of_Boo
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22 Jan 2015, 3:59 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Echolalia wrote:

Stargazer43 wrote:

Most women like* think you, but we had two female users who kept insisted this not the case :lol:

I think the OP knows about who I am talking, they were so not in touch with the womanfolk in the world tho.

This edit limit time is ridiculously short, so unforgiving.

RetroGamer87
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25 Jan 2015, 4:19 am

mpe wrote:

This is true.

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LillaA
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25 Jan 2015, 1:03 pm

Another thought - there are way to verbally negotiate short of simply blurting "Can I kiss you?" For example, if you say something like "You're looking quite kissable tonight", it broaches the subject verbally and allows her to make a response verbally so that you can have verbal clues of what should come next. Depending on her response, it can even open up the opportunity for a straight-out question, but give it a backdrop that makes it less awkward. Let's say her reply is something that's not clearly one way or the other but still kind of flirty - perhaps "do they?" with a smile and a happy tone in her voice. Then you can say "May I?" or "Guess I'll have to find out - what do you think?" or something like that which asks the question but in a slightly less direct way that makes it less awkward. The point is that this type of exchange is flirty and fun the whole way, instead of "just business". It's creating a context that makes the question acceptable.

Especially for things beyond kissing, having some definite, verbal clarification is probably good, but if you do it in the right context, it can be cute and encouraging instead of off-putting. Something that expresses your desire verbally ("I'd love to kiss you right now") is often considered quite hot, but also provides you with a verbal response. If she replies non-verbally (say leans closer or stares at your lips), you can follow up with a more direct verbal question, and keep getting more direct till you get a verbal response. Like with the "I'd love to kiss you right now" - if you're feeling confident, it could be followed up with a "Tell me you do too" or "do you feel the same way?" to get a verbal response. Change kissing to something else and it allows you to get a verbal go-ahead for other things without having to simply say "May I do xyz to you".

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Stargazer43
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25 Jan 2015, 1:16 pm

LillaA wrote:

I got the impression that any sort of verbalization is a turn-off, and that most women want you to just do it without saying anything about it.

yellowtamarin
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25 Jan 2015, 8:55 pm

Stargazer43 wrote:

I got the impression that any sort of verbalization is a turn-off, and that most women want you to just do it without saying anything about it.

To make it even more difficult, I prefer that it's a mutual thing, not "I want him to do it". We both kiss each other at the same time! Okay don't worry about that, I'm just adding extra hurdles that don't matter that much. Most straight women probably want the guy to make the moves anyway. *shrug*

RetroGamer87
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03 Feb 2015, 4:43 pm

OK I think I've worked out a good location for the girl I'm currently into. Our first date will be Saturday at a cafe but I noticed the next Saturday will be Valentine's Day. She says she likes Romantic movies. At first I was thinking I could take her to the drive-in but than I found out they're screening Breakfast at Tiffany's at the botanic gardens. We could have our first kiss on a picnic rug under the stars.

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RetroGamer87
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03 Feb 2015, 4:49 pm

Oh crap! I just remembered. Mickey Rooney as Mr Yunioshi. She's sure to be offended by such an outrageous stereotype since she's Asian. I wonder what's playing at the drive-in.

Also, since just moved here from Sydney and wants someone to show her around Adelaide, I want to take her to some of the charming old art deco cinemas in town. Especially the one with the big Wurlitzer organ.

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RetroGamer87
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03 Feb 2015, 4:54 pm

Or maybe dinner at the bistro up on Mount Lofty. The view from the terrace is quite spectacular. You can see the whole city from up there. Though something tells me it will be crowded on Vallentine's day.

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AngelRho
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03 Feb 2015, 8:54 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:

Miss Golightly I PROTEST!! !!

yellowtamarin
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03 Feb 2015, 10:43 pm

You are overthinking, RG87.

RetroGamer87
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07 Feb 2015, 9:28 am

Still not sure about kissing but she kept on brushing my hand with her fingers so she must be into me. Also she didn't flinch when I put my hand in the small of her back. Good, I've managed to break the touch barrier (with some help from Google). Did she want me to kiss her I dropped her home? Not sure. Was I supposed to walk her to her door? Not sure.

Tomorrow we'll have a few hours of couch time so I'll have more time to think about it then.