what's with this guy?

Post Reply New Topic

There's this guy that I've liked for a long time, four years to be exact... I finally had one of my friends give him my note to him when he was away from his friends... He asked who the note was from, and my friend told him... He became real nervous and said that he doesn't know how to handle affection.... He ignorek me for a month or two and I sort of gave up on him, but latelye he's started looking at me and coming into my class period to get work done, he sometimes glances or stares at me when he thinks im not looking can someone tell me what the check is going on here

Insufficient data.

Are you a boy or a girl? Is he attracted to boys or to girls? Has he ever has a boyfriend or a girlfriend before? Is he older, younger, or the same age as you? Do others think of you as boyfriend/girlfriend material?

But if you really want to know what's going on with him, then ask him to his face. There is no other way to know for certain.

(Passing notes is what third-graders do, by the way.)

It's true that there's insufficient data on this one. But it's more like a mind-reading problem. I don't think we can figure out what's really on his mind even if we have answered those questions. He could be shy, he could be in love with you, he could be staring at you because he thinks you're weird.

I'm q girl, and he's my age but he's never had a girl friend before

I suggest you play this like an NT male would and just assume anyone of the opposite gender who's looking at you is attracted to you. All you've got to lose is social respect and you're on an autism forum which by it's very nature means there's not much social respect to lose. Seize the day.

That's a definite sign of interest (+ a sign that he is neurodiverse).

I have no idea why you presume this has something with NTs do. NTs use eye contact as a way to show they are addressing you in a conversation. They don't try to "steal" glances from somebody they are not talking to. That's a neurodiverse trait.

You're missing my point: a majority of NT males between the age of 14-29 think anytime a female interacts with them that said female is attracted to them, even when said female is just being friendly. I suggest the OP use that same approach-- assume any interaction with the opposite sex is attraction because really what is there to lose except maybe some embarrassment, which being autistic should be second nature to get over.

First article I could find to illustrate my point, but there are more on the same issue and Google will lead you to the promised land on this subject if you choose to investigate further: http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/bl ... -interest/

That study seems to miss the point. They let the participants interact verbally, and then judge interest. That is completely different from "stealing" glances.

In general, I think the study is sound, and probably valid for NTs, but it has little to do with this particular case.

As a neurodiverse person, I think you have a lot to lose by misinterpreting interest. For one, you could get an attachment to somebody that has no interest for you that you might have a hard time to get out of.

Yeah having a hard time is life sometimes, autism or not. My point with the study (and there are similar ones out there that show lots of men in fact do overestimate their appeal) is that as a mating strategy it works. If you're gonna sit on the sidelines and watch you won't score any goals. She won't know unless she asks him, as hard as that may be. Would you rather ask and get rejected or not ask and possibly have your soul mate slip away?

There's this guy that I've liked for a long time, four years to be exact... I finally had one of my friends give him my note to him when he was away from his friends... He asked who the note was from, and my friend told him... He became real nervous and said that he doesn't know how to handle affection.... He ignorek me for a month or two and I sort of gave up on him, but latelye he's started looking at me and coming into my class period to get work done, he sometimes glances or stares at me when he thinks im not looking can someone tell me what the check is going on here

He's coming around because you gave up on him. You took away your interest, which piqued his. I agree that he is showing signs of interest, and the worst thing you can do is become too available. Diamonds maintain their value because the diamond market is strictly controlled. You backed down, he looked up, the next move is yours, so if it were me I would compliment him. Nothing over the top, if he wears something new or wears his hair differently, compliment him, and then leave it alone for a bit. It shows you noticed the change and caters to his ego while maintaining an air of unattainability.

I can highly recommend the book The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene. It's a fun read, especially if you enjoy historical examples. I'd also recommend Irresistible Attraction by Kevin Hogan, though it is a very dry read.

Yah he's definitely into you but he is just shy. Maybe he's scared of talking to you because he thinks he will just scare you away or you won't like him back. Maybe he doesn't have the greatest social skills either so he feels you will lose interest in him.

When a shy guys like you, they tend to close off and get really nervous when you're around and they have a hard time looking at your eyes. They may also have a hard time knowing what to say. This is often mistaken for disinterest when really he likes you. Also when you like someone, you want to be around them and get to know them more which explains why he's now showing up where you're at. Also does he dress extra nice when he knows he's going to see you? Probably means he likes you.

If you like a shy guy, the best way to talk to him is you have to be the one to initiate the conversations. Most people arne't so shy once you get to know them and most people arne't going to be rude if you do talk to them. Be persistent as well because sometimes he may appear uninterested but it's just that he doesn't know what to say. Also being shy and being introverted are often mixed up. Someone can be shy around an attractive girl but not necessarily be shy around people they feel comfortable with. Take me for example. I guarantee if you go talk to this guy, it will make his day even if he doesn't admit to it.


For when you gave him his note and he reacted the way he did, maybe he knows you like him back and he has anxiety. It doesn't mean he doesn't like you, he's just scared. Like I used to freeze up and not know what to do or say when I knew a girl liked me and I was too scared to take the initiative. Like my junior year of high school for instance, I knew this one girl liked me because her friends had told me and I pretty much froze up and got really scared and so I never went and talked to her. That probably would have been my first girlfriend had I of just worked up the courage to go talk to her. I don't think I would freeze up again like I used to. Maybe he's in the same situation. If this is the case with him, then don't immediately ask him out as this may make him even more nervous and uncomfortable. I'd say just try to talk to him and get to know him and he will gradually feel more comfortable around you then you can ask him out.