NTs acting ASD confusion

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Hi all -
I did have an account here years ago but long forgotten the username and email contacts, so thought I'd start again as I have a question someone might actually be able to help with here.
The scenario - I moved into a new share house, all NT tenants. I am aware of my ASD side, so make a conscious effort to act normal. Make sure I'm friendly and social, keep my stranger habits private, etc. I'm 29, so have had enough exposure to NT socialisation to be able to simulate a good deal of superficial social behaviours - to some extent, I understand what is appropriate and what's not. Here's where I'm confused - the people I moved in with seem to act more ASD than I do, as if it's completely acceptable, and I'm left wondering what the hell I'm doing wrong, or if its them, if this is normal/acceptable or not.
Example - I understood that it is rude to, say, walk into a room someone else is in and ignore them completely, not look at them or speak, simply do what I came to do and leave, because I have no useful information to tell them and don't need any information from them at the time. You're supposed to look at them, smile, and maybe offer some meaningless pleasantry, completely useless but intended to communicate friendliness and politeness rather than exchange meaningful information. Otherwise, unintentionally perhaps, it is perceived as hostile.
However - that is exactly what my NT housemates do to me. This ASD like behaviour extends so far that I can actually be standing in front of someone, perform all these cues - smile, make a comment or ask a question - and they will completely ignore me, walk right past and leave the room. I also understood its generally not acceptable to live in a house full of people, and lock myself in the bedroom when in the house and not come out. This is also what they do. I'm left really confused. From my perspective, I have done what is acceptable, but the responses I'm getting seem inconsistent with what people have always insisted is acceptable. I'm left with the unfamiliar impression that I'm the autistic here, and yet I'm the only one behaving in a socially acceptable way, without any clue as to why they treat me this way. Admittedly for the last few years I have had little social interaction, as I have lived alone and been ill so not exposed to a workplace. And yes, ASD people's social skills can be a little off, but how is that behaviour normal? I'm paranoid that maybe I think I'm behaving totally normally but actually being perceived as so weird people refuse to talk to me. I can't see how though - as I said, I'm careful to act normal and friendly. It's a bizarre example of my assumed social mask actually disadvantaging me - a stereotypical autistic behaviour pattern would apparently have been within the normal culture of the house. I don't know how to respond or how to understand, so thought others on the spectrum might be able to speculate on this weird through-the-looking-glass situation.
Ideas? Advice?

I have seen similar behavior from people who would be 'NT'.

I don't get it either, but I will share what I have observed.

Without knowing your housemates, I wouldn't be able to guess what their motivations are. It could be communicating a social hierarchy where they just don't see you as important enough for basic acknowledgement.

That is what I *think* is happening most of the time when NTs act this way. Unfortunately, this rude behavior seems to be becoming more common. I know of people who are constantly complaining about students who are sassy and recently married couples who don't send thank-you cards, etc. etc.

Is the rudeness intentional? I don't know.

That's one of the problems with ASD, especially for those who are high-functioning. If people can't see we are on the spectrum, we will be misinterpreted as rude and uncaring. The difference is that the reason for our behavior is different from someone who is actually being rude and uncaring. Those of us who are aware of our social deficiencies and are trying to make up for them will try to practice friendly skills (and then notice when others aren't.)

But who can know the *reason* for a person's behavior without knowing the person well?

Why can an NT get away with being rude, and someone with ASD cannot? It has to do with social hierarchy. A person can only "legitimately" be rude to someone lower than they are in the social hierarchy. If you are at the bottom of the social hierarchy (as many/most ASD-ers would be), you have no standing to be "rude" to someone else. In other words, you can't put down someone by being rude because no one is below you. So, any perceived attempt to do so is jumped on. NTs will put up with rudeness from someone "above" them in a social hierarchy because they are accepting their place. I see rudeness from NTs as a communication that they think they are higher in the social hierarchy than the person(s) they are being rude to.

From what I have seen IRL and read here on WP, it seems many people on the spectrum are oblivious to the social hierarchy, and are more likely to treat all people the same, regardless of status. That means we might be unintentionally rude to all, including those above us which could be seen as a challenge to authority, or we might be respectful to all, including those in the lowest levels of the social hierarchy which can bring about ostracization for associating with such people.

That is a fascinating idea. Which ironically enough hadn't even occurred to me. Do people actually do this? It sounds like something hosted by David Attenborough. If this is some kind of dominance display, what criteria is being used to determine hierarchy will likely be even more incomprehensible. It's not like we have something as easily identifiable as bright feathers or larger tusks to work with here. Or even in a more human sense, an employer/employee type situation. Though frankly, I find even that insufficient a reason to treat one person differently than another, and that has got me into trouble with work supervisors before, being unwilling to accept their inappropriate behaviour just because they adhere to some artificial rating system and I don't. I treat people equally, and I treat them very deliberately well. What determines whether a person is important? Are people actually conscious of this behaviour, or is it done automatically? At least I understand that asking the kinds of probing questions that might actually uncover what the real reasons for behaviour might be wouldn't be appropriate either. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. In these instances, the only thing I can think to respond with is withdrawing from the whole situation.

Maybe they're not NTs. That seems like the simplest explanation. I say roll with it and be glad that you lucked out enough to live amongst people with whom you can be yourself.

Like I said previously, I cannot know why your roommates are acting the way they do.

I am only saying that this kind of behavior can exist among NTs.

Have you seen how your roommates act towards other people? This will tell you whether or not they are blowing off just you, or everybody. Do they hang out together at all, leaving you out? Do they greet one another? Do they have a social life?

I do think that the movies I mention contain some caricature, but it is obvious where they do. They exaggerate real life, as does most good humor.

Unfortunately, they both hit a little too close to home for me in my experiences in school, except that I never rose in my social standing. Diary of a Wimpy Kid specifically addresses the social hierarchy.

I agree with starkid. Maybe they aren't NT. It could also be that after school/work they are just tired and are not really in the mood for "pleasantries." I would try to observe and see if they treat you differently than the others they live with, if possible.

If this behavior is displayed only towards you - they may not like a newcomer (and in this case you are the newcomer so you receive the expression of dislike) … or maybe they didn't want you (or anyone else) move in at all and now they are expressing their dislike over someone having moved in.
In which case just keep up being kind and polite to them and they'll warm eventually (or another newcomer comes)

If this behavior is displayed towards others as well - then they are just being rude/ self-centered/ egoistic/ thinking they are better than others … or they aren't NT, just unaware of their ASD traits.

It seems normal to me for a shared house in which people are not actually in pre-existing friendships.

If a bunch of friends got together and split the rent on a shared house, this behavior would be weird. They would more likely hang out, or at least say hi in passing, chat briefly if they both enter a communal room such as the kitchen, and may even make and eat meals together, etc.

But if a bunch of disparate strangers just answered an ad or Craigslist and are sharing this house, I don't see anything weird about them wanting to keep to themselves, shut themselves in their respective rooms after getting home from work or school, and barely acknowledge anyone when, for example, walking into the kitchen to get something, then walking out again.

In many similar situations this is merely one way of respecting the privacy of others while being forced economically to be sharing a roof over your heads.

If I were you I'd be glad the strangers I room with aren't demanding of me socially.