When men say you're not like other women

Post Reply New Topic

It's a misguided compliment, plain and simple. The man you're talking to believes he's praising your uniqueness and other good qualities he hasn't seen in other women so far. But in the process, he's inadvertently putting down other women, by saying that all of them don't have the qualities you have. Which, by definition, includes your family and friends. It can be a pragmatic language use issue, not an uncommon mistake for aspies. Doubly so for whom English is not the first language.

I see it as a male equivalent of saying "you're a nice guy". The dictionary meaning of "nice" is positive; it means kind, good-natured, etc. But in everyday language use, being a "nice guy" is bad. It doesn't mean "a guy who's a nice person"; it means "Nice Guy(TM)". So this goes both ways.

I have to agree with what you're saying here- I'm also straight, and in many ways very much a feminine woman- however, unlike most women I am a predominantly thinking/rational type rather than an emotional, touchy-feely type. If you have taken the Myers-Briggs assessment you will probably find that you are a "thinker" rather than a "feeler." Most women are "feelers," and most men are "thinkers" but that generalization is not always true.

That generalization is true enough that I find relating to women extremely difficult because I have little in common with most women as far as interests go. I like documentaries, science, true crime, all things automotive, and off-color humor to name a few. I could care less what the Kardashians are doing or who's on what reality show (unless it's COPS.) I never saw what people found so fascinating about Dr. Phil or Oprah either. To me all that obsessing over celebrities and horrible soap opera type shows is vapid and inane.

When I was younger I had a tendency to take everything very literally. With age and time I have become much more guarded and pragmatic. I wouldn't necessarily take a comment, "you're not like other women," as a come on -or even as anything other than stating the obvious. I don't communicate or function like most women. I grew up in and around automotive shops. I'm comfortable with that language (often coarse...) and culture when most women would not be. I get along well with techie types but I am completely vexed over people who try to psychoanalyze every word I say, or who are so emotional they start bawling at TV commercials. Admittedly I miss a lot of emotional nuances (I'm really terrible with eye contact and body language in general- both sending and receiving) and the whole emotional system is not my preferred method of navigating the world.

During my senior year in high school, in the unofficial "Senior Will" I was voted "Least Likely to Get Laid." (This was 1986, so it was a different world.) The guys all knew I was "different than the other women," but even so, I was about as popular as body lice.

That changed somewhat as I got older, (not that I really give a hang about popularity, because I don't,) but most of my friends - who are mostly male- just look at me as "one of the guys."

These are MAJOR generalizations. "You're not like other women" may be a pick-up line (which might actually lead to a wonderful relationship), it may be an insult, or it may be a genuine, heart-felt compliment. "Different" does not automatically mean "bad," just as it doesn't automatically mean "good." Similarly, someone being considered a "nice guy" can also be a compliment. Assuming that a certain phrase or word has only negative connotations outside the dictionary is just as bad and dangerous as assuming it always means something positive. Context is crucial.

P.S.: the speaker who intends "you're not like other women" to be a compliment to one woman is NOT likely inadvertently--or directly--insulting any/every other woman!! If I say, "I like purple," I am CERTAINLY not saying "all the other colors suck."

It probably should be taken as a compliment, and with a grain of salt. I doubt that he means to imply any kind of generalization; he's just feeling a connection. Because he doesn't feel a connection with every woman, he sees your qualities as unique.

I've always just taken it as a reasonably factual observation.

While I agree that it's a bit of a "line", the sentiment is perfectly valid, and one I fully understand; I've had warm feelings for two girls in my 28 years, precisely because they were very different, each in their own right.

Suppose I reverse it? "(girl), I like you so much because you're literally interchangeable with every other female on the planet." Somehow, that feels a lot more insulting.

Never talk to them - they’re probably misogynistic

"You're not like other women. You seem interested in me."

I know this is an old post, but I have heard that statement so many times. It goes both ways, so as always CONTEXT to determine how the person means it. In any case, it's relative to cultural social norms - so gender bias (good or bad).
My husband: You are not like other women (thoughtful in awe) = I'm not norm either, let's get married
My boss: You are not like other women (scornful) = They are not welcome here and frankly you aren't either although you've passed up until now under wussy leadership

The one I hear more frequently and AGAIN just last month (and I'm in my 50s): "You are the smartest woman I know!! !" It's a compliment but doesn't sit well with me. Ummm, surprise: women are smart?

Agreed. How it should be taken depends on many things, including how well the person knows me.

This is often a line used to manipulate you into bedroom activities. Because the truth is that no woman is like other women just like no two men are exactly the same. So these generalized blanket statements tend to serve one purpose: flattery. Flattery with the intent for them to "get laid". Heard it a million times and I just pass it by. If someone can't just be real with me then i dont want them

Everyone hates women. Men hate women, women hate other women. So whenever someone says you're not like other women, it's because they think all other women are evil and demonic.

I'd take that as a compliment. I myself like men who aren't like other men as well.

My husband doesn't talk much. It's only recently I found out that he thought most women are shallow, narcissistic fools. He thought few women still have honor and dignity today. (We were talking about our sons' possible future wives.) Well I don't agree with that. I do admit that some of them get all the attention and make us all look bad.

I'm not like other women and I know it from lived experience.
I'm OK with my partner saying it.
He can substantiate the reasons why, rather than using it as idle flattery.
Some of the reasons aren't exactly flattering, anyway.

Men have told me that I freak them out but I've never been told I'm not like other women. I wouldn't really know what that meant as no two women are alike anyway