How long before you ask a girl out?

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Because chatting is a waste of time, even if you chat with her for months, it won't change the dichotomy of the first date, she either likes you or not. Her knowing your personality in depth doesn't matter nor it adds to your attractiveness, it may only decrease it, not increase it.

Besides, a female on dating site always have way more options than you; so if you are putting energy in chatting one let's say for 2 months, she would be seeing guys every week during these 2 months while the pooryou putting all the focus on her, hoping for this one girl and thinking you're building some bond with her like an naive idiot lol. While you are posting long posts about her on WP and analysing her words, she's probably setting now dates for the next weekend, each day for a different guy - and you are just one of hundreds for her.

Even a week is a long time for many NTs. The last girl asked me out on her first message and the one before her, asked me out after a few days of chatting.

Yeah, mine have varied from first day to within a few weeks. Mostly within a week or two, depending on how frequent the messages are.

OK, I get that I should write a longer message of a few paragraphs but I'm not sure what to say in such a message to someone I don't really know. Any hints?

Actually where is the longform message option for OkC? I looked on the site again and I could only see one type of messaging. It's possible to display the thread as a small pop-up in the corner of the screen or as a page where the text spans the full width of the page but either way it still shows the same messages. What am I missing?

click messages, click the message/conversation/girl you want and it shows them over whole window with chat box at bottom.

are you using the im function?

I clicked messages. I clicked on the girl. It showed the messages filling the whole window but they were the same messages I had already sent/received in the small pop-up window. I thought the long-form messages would be a separate thread of messages, not show me the IM messages

Sorry for turning the L&D board into a tech support board

To the second question, when you click on someone's profile, there is a box that says "Message" at the top right...just click that, type the message, and press send. The box also has a green/yellow/red color next to it to show how often the person responds.

To the first question, in my experience it's extremely easy to find things to say if the two of you are compatible, and quite the opposite if you're not. For the first message, I usually keep it to 3-5 sentences, and ask 1-2 questions about something in their profile to open up a conversation. When they respond, that's when you get a chance to elaborate more. If they're interested, they'll more than likely start asking you some questions about yourself. They will also talk about themselves, which gives you further material to talk about and ask them questions on. I find that usually my messages and the ones I get back are ~3 paragraphs if there's a good amount of compatibility between us.

OK now this is going to make me look really stupid but I clicked on the box on the top right and I got the same thread of messages that I'd already been chatting in. Yet all you other folks have access to two separate threads. Maybe I'm doing something wrong. I clicked on the button in the top right corner of her profile (highlighted in red) and got the same thread I'd already been on

That's the button you click on. Unlike IMs, you can send a message regardless of whether they're logged on or not. I've never IMed someone on there, so maybe it shows previous IMs also. You can completely turn off IMing in the account settings there if you want to make it completely unambiguous .

Thanks Stargazer. I thought I was going crazy for a minute but I was right on the money the whole time (I think).

when i messaged some person, saying that no girls want me. that means nobody want her.

OMGOMGBBQ!! ! The perfect girl agreed to go out with me!

I asked if she wanted to meet in a cafe and she said "Why not <smiley>".

I'm not sure if to her it's a "date" date or a friendly gettogether. "Why not" seems like a fairly casual response but she did include a smiley. Then again girls seem to use smileys more frequently than guys do. I'll play it be ear

Glad to hear but you really need to drop the "perfect" thing as it's going to cloud your judgement. Not trying to be a wet blanket but almost no women on free sites take it the least bit seriously and no woman is perfect!

OK. I will not refer to her or any other girl as perfect. She seems to have lost interest in me. She's stopped responding to me. However, as I said in the other forum there's this other girl who agreed to go out with me and she's also really pretty. She also seems to have a slightly warmer personality.

Had you locked in your date? If not, why not?