How do you know you have issues picking up social cues?

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In another thread, someone asked the question: How does one know if they have problems picking up social cues and facial expressions?

I found this question intriguing because I have no idea if I am good (or bad) at picking this stuff up.

Then, earlier today, I was driving and I saw someone use their turn signal indicator. I knew, based upon their use of that "cue", that they were intending to turn right. This is a "cue" that I learned when I was young, watching my Mom drive. I see it so often now, that I know (almost automatically), what to expect when I see that "cue". I only become confused when the follow-on behavior does not match that "cue".

This then made me wonder about social "cues" and how those are different (in terms of being able to recognize the various "cues" and respond quickly enough).

Going back to my main question, how do you know you have issues picking up social cues? Did you figure this out yourself (and, if so, how)? Or did you need to be told?

I don't know how many social cues I see vs. don't see. I'm not even sure what all can be counted as "social cues".

I do have a lot of memories of people telling me someone meant/wanted/thought/was suggesting [whatever] because I was just not getting it.

There are at least few instances where I figured out on my own, long after the fact, that I had missed something that might have hinted at a person's intentions or meaning....(things that, it turned out, often would have been glaringly obvious to others).

And then there is the fact that I often have no idea why people are laughing, or exchanging knowing glances, or whatever....I miss things. I'm not sure this falls under "having issues with social cues", though.

I don't think I miss facial expressions -- I usually notice even tiny changes in people's expressions (as long as I'm actually looking at them) -- I just can't always read them with enough specificity. When I can read a person's facial expression with enough specificity, I may have trouble understanding why it's there.

When I was a kid, I didn't know, until other kids at elementary school started calling me "ret*d" and kicking me.
(I don't have any problem reading facial expressions, but this is a completely different story with social cues in general, and implicit things)

A few things.
I know there is such a thing as body language, but I don't really know what it looks like or how to read it.
I have taken facial expression recognition tests and was unable to interpret most expressions.
My cousin will tell me how someone is feeling based on their body language, facial expressions and tone of voice, but I don't pick up on any of that. Cousin: "Fred is very annoyed" Me: "Really?".

Sometimes people tell you you're being dense or things are flying over your head. A kind NT may be willing to "interpret".

I only realized how many social cues I was missing until years and years of making mistakes.

I understand facial expressions and tone of voice. So I usually can pick up on others' emotions. I often can tell when I've done something wrong, but can't figure out what. I just don't understand the rules. I have to learn the rules one by one. And then I'm often still confused.

It leads to a lot of anxiety, because I'm always sensing that something is wrong, but being unable to tell what it is, or to fix it. And then apparently I still don't know when I've done something wrong, because people who are better at hiding their emotions will pretend everything is fine. So I'm screwing up, totally unaware.

Only way that I can think of to really know is to ask several NTs that are able to observe your behavior. The more people you ask, the clearer the picture you will get.

Look into body-language. It's so useful to better understand all the people you'll meet throughout your life. Definitely worth taking the time to learn (*esp if your ASD). Unfortunately if I'm not paying attention I won't recognize what went wrong till I replay the situation in my mind.

Even if i picked up social cues or expressions, follow up actions and respond is another story .

I just can't react accordingly and fast enough.. so people may think me as slow, reserved or maybe mental ret*d.

I used to get most of the complex group dynamic the other way round. For example manager with tendencies to exploit people would be someone who is just very committed to company's values.
I was 32 when I started seeing similar situations the same way as NTs do, but I need more time to make up my mind about what is going on.

Me too! I don't have trouble picking up social cues. In fact I'm too sensitive to facial expressions, but I have trouble in responding accordingly to others subtle emotions. I discovered that others feel many subtle emotions that I'm not capable to feel. I feel only the intensive and primary emotions at a high level. I tend to translate facial expressions in my primary emotions. I also have some issues in reading body language. I have trouble in understanding the social contexts.

I don't think I was aware of the idea of social cue issues until around the time of my diagnosis. Before that I'd sensed that I was somehow behind the door in a lot of social situations, and one guy called me "unaware," but it was a very vague feeling that I couldn't put into words until I looked into Aspergers. But by then I'd learned (or already knew) a lot of cues, and it's hard for me to notice what I'm still blind to, so I don't know for sure whether it's an issue for me or not.

This, pretty much, also goes for me.

Usually, though, I don't even get to the point of recognizing the more advanced social cues. I'll only notice I did something wrong when someone responds by being upset or by being silent. I used to be open to learning 10 years ago, but due to the infrequency of social interactions for me, I got used to being alone most of the time, and got tired of not being able to "keep up"... So now I'm comfortable enough just being like a cat surrounded by dogs.

I get the sense of a 'lag' quite often when I'm starting to miss the context of a social situation. I become very aware that I can't keep up with the pace of conversation compared to the people around me sometimes.

As well as how well we're able to pick up social cues, there's also the question of whether many of us might go about it in a different way. I can read social cues reasonably well, but only if I watch like a hawk and do a lot of conscious processing. Hence the 'laggy' feeling. I feel like my brain is sprinting, just to keep up - especially once there is more than one other person interacting. I also feel like I can't listen properly and formulate a reply at the same time. I need a reasonable length pause to collect my thoughts before I have anything very meaningful to say.

That's a lot more tiring than having the context 'soak in' via sub-conscious instincts - which is my understanding of how most people around me describe their experience of socialising.

Being able to pick up social cues well is not the same as being able to pick them up easily!

Usually because I'm told later, and when the situation is detailed, I have learned to recognize some of the signs. But I'm running out of the house and will detail this better later, as it is a substantial failing for me.

People tell you

People seem to read minds

People get mad at you for no reason and you have no idea why

People seem to have different set of rules for you and you notice how people can do things but when you do it, people get mad or offended by it but when others do it, they get no negative reaction

People are direct with you

And you realize later that maybe this is why the person said this or that or did this or that because of X Y or Z and then it seems so obvious but yet you didn't see it then during the situation

What LeagueGirl said.

When I started learning about Aspergers and ASD, I actually operated under the false belief that I was GOOD at reading people, their expressions, and more. After sharing all of what I was reading with my husband, and going over the symptoms, he told me that I was HORRIBLE at divining these things. Anything that wasn't completely obvious, and I would be lost. I don't do 'subtext' very well.
For us it was a learning experience. For most of our marriage, he had thought that I DID understand these things, and decided not to act appropriately to set myself apart, or 'be different'. When he realized how actually clueless I was, it opened a lot of dialogue about how to help me adjust and recognize things. It also helped him not be angry at me for embarrassing him.
Since learning this, I have had discussions with my family (some of whom think that I'm delusional), and friends. My friends, at least, have been helping me by not being as vague when they tell me things, as well as 'interpreting' for me when it is needed.
Looking back, it is easy to see how many times I have had trouble in these situations. From answering questions literally, to over answering simple questions, to asking personal questions inappropriately, to making 'off-color' remarks accidentally, and more. It has helped me to curtail those behaviors, but it hasn't 'fixed' the problem. I still don't recognize in the midst of, say, a conversation, when I'm violating the social norms.

Unfortunately, I have spent over 30 years in the proverbial dark. It has cost me family relationships, friendships, respect, and even jobs.

I will say that now, knowing that I have problems picking up even supposedly obvious social cues, being up front about it has helped a lot. For instance, I am a volunteer with my local babywearing group, and when asked a question about (for example) what makes a carrier different from another one, instead of launching into a long dissertation about the intricacies about EVERYTHING related to it, I will ask them "How in depth do you want this answer?" When they are puzzled, I'll explain, "I could give you information on almost everything, down to why it is stitched a certain way, which could be information overload, or I can explain in general, what (i.e.) is different about the carriers".
It isn't a perfect system, but it helps.