Missed out on so many milestones

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I guess the lagging started around 16 or 17 years old. I sort of noticed my peers in high school start to have clear pathways. It seemed like they KNEW what they wanted as they were moving to graduate from high school. Not me. It's like I hit a brick wall. Also in college....I had ABSOLUTELY NO idea what I wanted to study or do for my profession. That sense again of my peers moving on to clear aspirations for life. The train left without me.

^^^it is like you took the words right outta my mouth. utterly the same experience here.

That was very true for me at that age and for a long while after.

I now think that we're doomed to unhappiness if we insist on measuring ourselves by NT standards and milestones. We're different, and our paths are different, too.

Luck has a huge part of it. Being able to take s**t from other people is also, too. Most young adults are not even told exactly what they should do.

I feel for you. I missed a lot of milestones too. Because I was expelled from high school in 10th grade, I didn't get to go to either my junior prom or senior prom. I did graduate from high school, but I wasn't allowed at the graduation ceremony. I also never finished college. And on top of that, I never belonged to any school clubs or teams.

The OP has not been around for 2-1/2 years. Maybe it's time this thread was locked.

After 2nd grade the school told my parents there is nothing we can do for him. Home school him or put him in a private school. Schools could do that because there was no legal requirement that all kids have to be educated. There was no IEP or special needs schools. In retrospect I was lucky not to be institutionalized and forgotten about as so many of us undiagnosed autistics were. Anyway my parents found a private school and because of the small class size I did a lot better.

Back to the topic of the thread there are many experiences most have had that I have not and that puts me at a disadvantage, no way around that. But that is mitigated by the good experiences I have had and the bad experiences missed out on.

Of all the milestones I missed out on prom is the least important. I had no desire to attend it. The ritual seemed silly to me then and still does.

Absolutely this. The entire concepts of "missing out" and "milestones" are NT ones.

One of my regrets is that the only chess opening I bothered to study in any depth when I was younger was the Traxler (Wilkes-Barre) variation of the Two Knights' Defence. If I said that to an NT, they'd just look at me in a strange way. But I know there will be a few autistic people who will identify.

‘Missing Out’ or not experiencing things that would be of benefit is universal. Neurology probably plays a role in what those things are.

The concept of milestones was around when we were growing up but there is much more emphasis on them today. That is not good because ours are atypical.

Yeah, I feel the same way. Never asked out in high school. People didn't like me. Boys teased me about my looks, therefore shattering my self-esteem.

When I was finally asked out, I didn't know how to behave, or what to do. We went back to his apartment and made out even though I barely knew anything about him. He dumped me after three dates because he probably thought I was leading him on, even though I didn't know what I was doing.

I remember my mom being furious that someone asked me out. Now that I'm older, I think deep down inside she never really wanted me to grow up, or work for a living. It's not like she and dad had a bunch of money. If they had left me a heatlhy trust fund, my life would have been better, but I feel like she stunted my growth in some ways. I remember confronting her about it once, asking her if she was going to never die and always take care of me.

And that's sort of how it's turned out. She eventually died. I ended up with teenager-type jobs and never really moved up to an adult job. I finally moved to China to have a shot at a better-paying job, but ended up being fired from several positions.

But yeah, I never had young love, never went to the prom, etc. I've only had one relationship in my entire life, and the boyfriend was probably a C. Not terrible, but not great.

And I feel the only type of guy I would be comfortable with is someone who is at my same level. Someone looking for that innocent romance. As it is, I'm nearly 57 and guys my age aren't too keen on taking it slow. And dating seems terrible nowadays. Combine that with my tendency to attract potentially dangerous men, and fantasies seem a much safer route to take.

I'm feeling very angry about several things this Christmas Eve. Hoping that everyone reading this has some sort of peace and happiness this holiday season. Thanks for posting this. You're not the only one who feels they have "missed out."

My apologies. I was being pedantic regarding 'missing out'. I don't always express myself very well. Words can be triggering.

Nowadays the term 'missing out' isn't used specifically for things that would be of benefit, but for anything someone would want to sell us or pressure us into conforming to. It's become shallow and meaningless. I'd like it chucked out and replaced by a more honest term, maybe something like 'unfulfilled life desires'.

Appears to me that there’s an automatic assessment on the neurotypical side of interactions that the autistic isn’t worthy of attention. Completely under the level of awareness of course, but all the more impenetrable as a result.

I’ve given up.

^^^another word for that phenomenon, is "ableism."