Identity distractions

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I hate my aspie-ish traits and sexual orientation, so I distract myself by obsessing over my race. I do stupid s**t like pretending to hate my non-white features. I don't actually mind my non-white features. It's just fun watching a bunch of stupid Mexicans attempting to hurt my feelings by calling me an Indian. I'm not a huge fan of being associated with Mexicans and Latina stereotypes, so maybe I am a bit of a self hater.

You brought up stuff that is hard for people to talk about, although I think a lot of people totally get what you're saying.

I know this doesn't exactly fit what you're saying, but I used to not feel comfortable around other women in friend-type situations. I grew up with brothers and the only female around was my mom, who was abusive and dangerous. I didn't know how to act around other women and I never felt like I measured up.

I ended up having to go to undergraduate school at an all-female college. I thought I'd keep my head down and get through it, focus on the subjects and not the people. There was a LOT of feminism woven into the classes. So you couldn't get away from it. Even the old men professors were passionate about women's rights. Eventually I came to understand the very complicated reasons WHY I was uncomfortable as a woman and around other women. At the same time, I ended up making friends with girls who I thought I would have nothing in common with, based on first impressions. My two very good friends that I stayed in touch with- I remember thinking that they were rich a**holes. I was wrong. They were actually just like me on the inside.

So I think it's completely understandable for you to be angry. Something will come your way at some point where things will fall into place and you will feel better about all this. It may come from getting even angrier at some things, or maybe from giving something a chance that is out of your comfort zone.

... Wow I think I just lost brain cells.

This topic reeks of self hate, I feel sorry for you ...

Be yourself and don't pretend to hate certain aspects of yourself for whatever reason. True friends will accept you no matter what.

Also- as long as you are hating yourself, life will be rough. The old saying goes something like "if you can't love yourself, you can't love others". I strongly suggest you get some kind of therapy (if you don't already). I've seen you post about this in the past and it seems like a constant problem for you. It's not going to get better just by posting here- not many here are professionals. I worry for you. I hate it when people are so sad and need to lie about their identity to "fit in" and so on :/

Whats the point in that? Lying on forums just to get certain reactions (or attention or whatever) is really just trolling and not much else. Trolling for fun is rarely a good thing. Just because its the internet doesn't mean its just a big playground to tease, troll and just be rude on.

I have less sympathy for you now. Not going to post in this anymore. Who knows what you are posting here is even truthful anymore because you admit to lying on forums for fun.

I've spent nearly 30 years of my life pretending that I was more British than I really am. I was born in British Columbia under a British last name. My mum's side is British and French. My dad's side is British and German. I was trying to hide my preference for Germany from everybody in my life. Now that my true colours are showing, I'm pretty sure that my mum hates me.

I don't know very much about it, but from what I understand, queer identity is kind of like autistic identity. In that it's a spectrum and you may never meet another person whose identity matches yours. So I think it's supposed to be pretty complicated.

There are some theories about mixed race identity and even just people who look like a racial identity that they aren't, which happens to you sometimes, right? The way it's supposed to go is that another person will look at you, make a decision about your race (she is white, she is Mexican, she is Asian, etc) and then treat you as if you were that race. They usually aren't conscious of doing this. But it has a long term impact on people who do not have a clearly identifiable racial identity. There's more reading on that if you're interested.

What you say you're doing, by the way, is also a recognized phenomenon. It's called a blackface presentation. It's a way of resistance against racism by playing along with racist ideas, which protects you on one hand and lets you secretly make fun of racists on the other hand. It's a natural and long recognized behavior by suppressed minorities. Literal blackface and also these blackface presentations are incredibly offensive to most people. Not to me, because I've been studying them for awhile as a form of coping and passing.

A good friend of mine is not white but was adopted into a white family at birth. She has a white identity. After listening to her for a couple of minutes you forget that she's not white, even though she clearly is another race. This has seriously affected her identity. Her best friend is the same race and was also adopted into a white family, so I think that helps her a lot.

I think being treated as white does something odd to a person who is not biologically white. I'm not prepared to say it's bad, but I think it's not natural and so it's hard for a person raised that way to adjust. These days, adoption agencies are supposed to be more careful about transracial adoption and make sure to place kids with parents who will be sensitive to their biological race and not erase it. Obviously, this isn't your issue, but it might be interesting to you anyway.

There is a very difficult to read book by Toni Morrison called The Bluest Eye. I was forced to read it in college, otherwise there's no way I would have gotten through the subject matter. But the main character in the book was a little black girl who wanted blue eyes so badly that she thought she did have blue eyes. She overcame terrible things that happened to her by disassociating from herself and her race. Anyway, it was an excellent book, if hard to get through. I recommend the Wikipedia page (in the link I posted) for people who are interested but don't want to commit to the whole book.

To me, race is an arbitrary distinction. One's skin color does not determine one's character.

It's how one is raised, primarily. The influence of the immediate environment plays a paramount role, too.

An African-American child might be raised by African-American parents--yet not come out stereotypically "black.' I've seen this with my own eyes. This is not necessarily because the African-American parents have adopted "white" precepts. It's because they've adopted "people" precepts which transcend race.

If this African-American child were raised by white people who adhere to so-called African-American culture, the child will come out as a reflection of that culture.

There is no such thing as biological race or being "biologically white." Race is a social construct that exists specifically to create and enforce a hierarchy of power, privilege, and oppression. It does not exist outside of that context.