If I can act neurotypical, should I?

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I just attended a very helpful and interesting autism conference in St. Paul, MN that was put on by the Autism Society of Minnesota. It was a full day of various sessions and topics "By autistics for autistics." It was great to be among what I would estimate as several hundred people like me.

At any rate, various unrelated presenters who were age 50+ as well as various unrelated attendees who were over the age of 40 all said the same thing: A lifetime of forcing yourself to mask will come at a toll of emotional damage that will catch up with you later in life. I'm nearly 50 and I will say the same thing based on my personal experience. If you spend your life pretending to be someone you're not you'll get to a point where you don't even know who you are and struggle with feeling like an empty shell of a person with varying degrees of emotional and/or psychological damage.

There was also mention in one of the presentations of a study that was done that showed that neurotypicals can tell if a person is not neurotypical even if they don't know specifically that the other person is autistic. I'm going to look up that study and dig into it more because it interests me, but I have felt for some time that those of us, myself included, who think we can "pass" flawlessly as NT are deluding ourselves.

That would sum up the position I find myself in, following diagnosis in my mid-40's, very well. The only vocation I'd ever known was the intense desire to fly under everyone's radar - what kind of place I sought for myself in society just seemed like a moot question. Even psychological counselling just seemed mostly to reinforce this feeling; always encouraging me to believe that "typical" goals in life were the key to improving my self-esteem and sense of agency.


I very much agree with this idea too. I think it's somewhat analogous to the concept of the "uncanny valley". Masking can conceal our autistic traits enough that people aren't consciously aware of the remaining differences, but we still give them a sub-conscious feeling of something being a little off about us. Not being able to rationalise the differences quite possibly unnerves them more than an overt difference which they can identify. Whereas an obvious difference invites internal questioning, and maybe even a dialogue, about why we behave as we do, these subtle signs are read subconsciously as "red-flags" for us having a personality which should be treated with caution. I think that this can certainly lead to an insidious, though not pre-meditated, kind of discrimination. Since I've stopped masking quite so much, I have noticed a few people in my life who seem to feel more comfortable around me now that the differences are both more explicit and have been given a rational explanation.

In my opinion it really depends where you are. If you are in a situation where it could make your life more difficult then maybe not. If it can help you get the support and understanding you need go for it. In my current sixth form and old secondary school the atmosphere is/was very supportive and people are generally very understanding and supportive. So there, I can be quite open about my autism and it will help me and help me form bonds as the downside of masking is, any friends you make are friends with the mask, not you, at least from my experience. It made me very lonely.

When trying to get oppurtunities I wouldn't lead with it though because people have preconceptions and you don't want to miss out on things because of their ignorance. It basically comes down to, where will it help and where won't it. Just try your best not to burn out because after masking around everyone but my friends for so long I've begun to break down and it feels like my autism has just gotten a lot worse even though of course, it hasn't. Everything has suddenly become overwhelming. I hope you don't let it get to that point and I wish you all the best.

You're 17 right? That means you are in Alevel/Btech/IB/Any alternative I don't know about too! That probably isn't helping with things.

(EDIT: Just realised it says 18 on your account. Don't know if that last point matters then)