‘Love on the Spectrum’ Netflix show

Post Reply New Topic

Not all think the same but I imagine most find a date that's very unengaging quite off-putting.

I think there are limits to it. How bad is too bad?

It was a cheapo bra from ASDA luckily. Must lose them all the time and goes down the bulk buy route.



I would consider an approachable personality to also include being a well natured person too. Being cold and nasty is a personality type I would keep well away from. You have some curveballs thrown in the mix from time to time though. Met a great couple down my local pub a few months back, walked up to me because I had space on my table. He was talking about how he loved his kids but then said he was gutted he couldn't be there for them when he was doing his 14 year prison sentence. Nice enough though weirdly enough.

I’m not sure what you mean. There aren’t limits to what I was referring to. I think it’s good to work towards personal goals, but I don’t think it’s a great idea to change in order to be what someone else might want although some will probably disagree. With me, what you see is what you get, and I’m not changing (unless it’s related to achieving a goal that’s meaningful to me on a personal level). I spent too much time having to be what someone else wanted, and it wasn’t good. To be more concrete, I wouldn’t stop being an introvert in order to attract a partner. I’d rather be single than do that. There’s nothing wrong with being an introvert although it doesn’t appeal to everyone which is okay. Different people find different things attractive. I was extremely shy when I was young and struggled with selective mutism, but it didn’t keep some guys from liking me.

I wanted to be less shy and anxious for me, not to attract someone else. I want someone who genuinely likes me flaws and all (assuming I have flaws ), not some perfected version of myself. To me, that’s what truly caring for someone else is about. I’m obviously more interested in “love” than casual relationships.

To be fair I would say case 1 is typical for a shy woman who is NOT interested in you; while case 2 is also ambiguous because she may be friendly like that with everyone. So both have their cons
But the extrovert personality I think would be more direct in her non-interest.

In all case, a dead-end conversation like in Case 1 is usually a strong indication that she is not into you, shy or not.

Yeah, I’d be like Case 1 when I wasn’t interested in someone when I was younger. I hoped that it would effectively demonstrate non-interest with a couple guys I knew from church, but no. My situation was weird though. They were super desperate, and there weren’t any other available women around. There was weird cultural stuff going on too. I just didn’t know why going out of my way to avoid them and avoid any conversation or eye contact wasn’t enough. Well, I think one of them knew that I wasn’t interested but just didn’t care.

On account of shyness, I didn’t talk about myself much when I was initially interested in someone. I usually would ask them questions, so they’d talk about themselves though. I’d typically be more inclined to smile too although it wasn’t something I did consciously. Expressing interest/dating as a fundie is probably significantly different than otherwise.

In my interactions with people offline, I still ask questions to avoid talking about myself.

I don't think autistic women are necessarily shy. Apart from being on the ace spectrum, a woman, autistic or not, who believes herself to be attractive to members of the gender she prefers to date, wouldn't necessarily be shy. Other factors could cause shyness, but I don't think it's a good generalization.

They might be poor at "giving signals", but that's not the same as shyness.

I don’t think anyone claimed that autistic women are “necessarily shy.”

Being on the ace spectrum wouldn’t “necessarily” make a person shy, either. Believing oneself attractive to the opposite sex doesn’t mean that a person can’t be shy. Sometimes it has the opposite effect which isn’t surprising given the fact that a high percentage of autistic women experience sexual violence - maybe as high as 9 out of 10. (More info here.)

It seems like people on the spectrum are more likely to be introverted. There doesn’t appear to be much of a gender difference in this respect.

Taking various factors into account, I suspect that autistic women are more likely to be shy than their NT peers. I would expect, perhaps, the majority to experience some degree of shyness or social anxiety. Trauma tends to leave a mark. That’s still not saying that autistic women are “necessarily shy.”

Let's get back to the topic, although as I'm not currently signed up for Netflix, my ability to participate is limited.

Dialogue related to the challenges of love and dating on the spectrum stemming from a discussion about the show is not off-topic in my opinion.

I've never seen Love on the Spectrum, and likely wouldn't be interested in it.
An autistic-friend-former-member likes it very much.
Maybe I'll ask him about it.

I just read the last couple of posts and all I can say, is introversion isn't the same as being shy.
Autistic people can be one or neither or both.

I'm both.

That doesn't mean I don't like sex with the right person.
It means I don't like social things with groups, or meeting new people.

Meeting one person as a potential partner usually clicks automatically.
Being introverted or shy has never been a detriment to me in that way.
I still have a personality and hobbies and interests.
I still experience chemistry with people, one-on-one.

Of course everyone is different though, autistic or not.

Yeah, I wasn’t meaning to imply that introversion is the same as shyness. I just think that introverts are more likely to be shy than extroverts. It’s a contributing factor.

I don’t trust clicking with someone. I thought I clicked with my ex but he was just really good at being charismatic and manipulative. There weren’t any awkward silences or moments because he knew how to fill them.

Usually, dating for me is awkward on some level because of my shyness, but it’s not as bad as it used to be. I don’t struggle so much with selective mutism which is good.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 31 Jan 2024, 8:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I mostly posted that for Nades.

Admittedly I didn't read the whole thread, but I saw where he said introverted / autistic women might be less likely to sleep with him. Well, compared to extroverts, I suppose that's likely true, although of course all people are different. I just wanted to remind him that autistic women aren't necessarily so shy / introverted that they can't be attracted to a person, and we aren't all bordering on being frigid. If I misunderstood his post then I apologise. It wasn't offensive, but I just thought I'd clarify from my own POV.

There have also been posts which claimed the opposite - that autistic women are less likely to want to work for relationships and are more willing to have casual sex.

Based on the citations I’ve provided in a post on this page, it’s clear that autistic women are more likely to be used for sex.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 31 Jan 2024, 8:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Word.

I’m very shy and introverted. I also don’t really experience physical attraction, but I don’t consider myself frigid, either. My sex drive is probably higher than most men my age. I’d much rather take care of it myself than have a fling with someone I don’t care about or who doesn’t care about me though.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 31 Jan 2024, 8:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Well put.

I think it's more to do with the show selection process itself as much as it is autistic women in general. They seem to pick the more severe cases and the 'dates" just seem to go into a death spiral.

I can relate to them, there isn't anything more confidence draining than someone who just gives off "go away" vibes and I wonder why they even applied to be on the show...unless they were told to behave like that.

I've had interactions with socially skilled extroverts and inexperienced introverts and past a certain age (I'm 33) I wonder why they haven't gained more people skills in all that time in comparison to the extroverts.

Not all autistic women are the same obviously, I think the more skilled ones are probably not picked for the show though.