Funny, corny joke thread

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I asked dad if I could get $5 for some sweets at the milk bar

"$5????" He said
"Boy when I was your age, you could walk in the milk bar with 50 cents and come back with a loaf of bread, a carton of milk and some food for the dog"
He then added "you can't do that now days, there's security cameras everywhere"

We have two problems: too few babies and too many new graduates.
As long as new graduates apply to be babies, both problems will be solved at the same time.

Why wasn't the life guard able to rescue the drowning hippie?

Because he was just too far out, maaan.

So this fish ask me about the waves after i surfed and i said "i dont know the current news"

PATIENT: I feel that everybody is ignoring me, as if I were invisible.
PSYCHIATRIST: Next, please.

A man walks into a bar, orders a pint, drinks it, urinates all over the floor, and runs away.
The man comes back after a few days and orders a pint.
The landlord refuses, reminding him of his previous behaviour.
"Please give me another chance," the man begs, "I've been getting psychiatric help and it's working very well."
So the landlord relents and sells him a pint.
The man drinks it and urinates all over the floor.
The landlord says "I thought you said your psychiatric help was working well?"
The man replies "That's right, I don't get embarrassed about it any more."