Funny, corny joke thread

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I asked dad if I could get $5 for some sweets at the milk bar

"$5????" He said
"Boy when I was your age, you could walk in the milk bar with 50 cents and come back with a loaf of bread, a carton of milk and some food for the dog"
He then added "you can't do that now days, there's security cameras everywhere"

We have two problems: too few babies and too many new graduates.
As long as new graduates apply to be babies, both problems will be solved at the same time.

Why wasn't the life guard able to rescue the drowning hippie?

Because he was just too far out, maaan.