I seem to have made a friend, then they're suddenly gone

Post Reply New Topic

I have experienced this umpteen times. Once there was this kind of drunken female who I shared an interest with who seemed just a tiny bit over-affectionate on the phone. Then I never heard from them again. Another didn't understand my deficiency in facial/individual recognition, and interaction with them was over before it even started.

I have learned to never call anybody a friend AT ALL. Whenever I think that I'm making progress, it all backfires on me, and back to square one. I feel like I have made baby steps in regards to coming to terms with reality in the last year or so. I almost feel like I know a tiny bit more about myself. But it has done nothing to get me anywhere. I honestly don't believe I've made a single friend in years now.

Even when interacting with autistic folks, they still never contact me out of the blue. Ones I have interacted with for advice, or tips on stuff just seem almost exactly like the 'NTs' that they're trying not to act like. My respect for NTs have plummeted so much that I don't even typically refer to them as such. My saying is that once you've spoken to one NT, you've spoken to most.

There are limited disability services where I am, and options to interact with folks on a similar playing field are near nonexistent. And yet I reside in a state capital.

Competitive people go after people who are self-determined and know what they want in life.

I'm getting that way myself, I understand you

See this is what I do not understand. I'm not particularly self determined and it's only in the last year or so I've known what I want in life. I must come across more determined than I feel.

e.g. in the mummy and baby group I was in, the other mums were: a doctor, a lawyer, a police officer, a headmistress.

I was a teaching assistant.

Yet they still went after me competitively. What on earth did they think I had that they didn't?

You mean they all or mostly went after you and not each other?

Depends how it happened, like we're you the butt of the joke? Or something else

I was mercilessly mocked because my baby was 'too shy', 'too slow to walk/eat/whatever.' Who criticises a baby FFS.

And/or talked over and ignored e.g. when they asked everyone how they met their husbands, the minute I started telling my story, they turned away and started talking over me. They arranged social events without including me too.

I went to another mum and baby group and they weren't like that though, so I think it was just that weird group.

Although I did experience that in a Pilates group- all the women were rude and talked over me/ignored me. Very strange, like a clique.

They sounded like they were part of a clique. Their behavior showed you they were not worthy of you

Thank you, I eventually realised that, after trying to fit in for months because I was so lonely and had no one else.

The sad thing was, there was another mummy in that group who was also shunned because she was 'just a nanny.' I thought she was my friend as we bonded due to both of us being excluded.

But the nanny suddenly dumped me 'because I said something awful and she couldn't be friends with me anymore.'

So that friendship ended like most of my others- a sudden breakup.

I never had this sudden breakup with friends before I was in my mid 30s. People didn't seem to take offence at me in the past, it's happened over the last 2 decades. Sign of the times? Or did I just become more offensive?

That parent groups sounds like they were weird people. They also sound like they were very insecure if not stuck on themselves.

I think you're right.

The trouble is, most people I know are like that. I can't figure out if it's just the area I live in or something I do to people or a sign of the times.

I suppose I'll find out when we move away next year! Wouldn't it be great if we moved to an area which was full of friendly people...

It seems like the group kinda started treating you as the scapegoat or butt of the joke or whatever. It happens a lot with autism unfortunately.

Yes there's that.

Or the other thing that happens is that a group suddenly takes offence at me and they all start whispering in corners and glaring at me whenever I speak. I think that was more what happened with the mummy group. They were always trying to prove they were better than me. Their babies were 'better' somehow and my baby was 'not good enough.' That's pretty despicable but seems to be normal for the Competitive Mummies of the 21st century

I think I'd better keep out of groups. I tend to go my own way anyway

No, it’s not you at al, stuck up people are miserable people. This doesn’t just apply to NT’s, rather it’s human nature. I know a few autistic individuals who are stuck on up.

For example

, I used to associate with a male on the spectrum who knew how to navigate the social scene and make friends. Therefore, he has an easy time fitting in and making friends. However, was always putting others Aspies down and bossing us around.


I

Thanks Summer Twilight

I will let you know what happens when I move house to a different area. I am not going to make a huge effort to make friends, I'm going to focus on my interests and if I just happen to find friends with the same interests, so be it. I'm really tired of trying to make friends and getting the door slammed in my face.

The only groups I've been a part of were religious.
What they were doing was extremely boring so I stopped going.
I didn't get any 'bitchy' behaviours like that

I've seen you say a few times that you said something that an NT took great offense to.
Do you think you've gotten better at not saying stuff like that?

I managed to stop, so I don't get 'the look' but I find groups to be quite dull , as I prefer other situations anyway. So it was a case of getting what I wanted and not liking it.
But I have been in good situations so I know I'm not just impossible to please.

That's the problem. What is it that I say that is so offensive? I never know because no one ever tells me. I never say anything racist, sexist, homophobic, misogynist, I'm generally a nice, open minded person who is kind to others.

So WTF is so offensive about me? People just take offence and disappear without me ever knowing why. I wish they would say, 'you know when you said XYZ? What did you mean? Because it sounded nasty/rude/whatever.' And I could explain what I meant- 'no I didn't mean A, I meant B' In case they read something into my comment that wasn't intentional.

But. No one. Ever. Does. So I'm just abandoned and left in the dark.

Once I did ask what I'd said, and it was some offhand comment like 'at least my baby is nice and healthy.' What is so offensive about that? The woman went over the top calling me evil and cruel etc. they could never speak to me again. I can't remember the conversation as it was 18 years ago now. But I couldn't remember the conversation at the time because it was months later when I found out I'd been abandoned and asked why.

So I don't ask people what it was anymore because I don't want to be attacked. Very weird behaviour.