How to avoid Dating a Narcissist

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Yes, I agree with you that if a narc feels like you have control over them, even if you give them some degrees of freedom, they will either get mad or show their ugly faces, or will just dump you.

Any narcs lately.

They all behave the same way. All have a sense of self. So detecting them becomes easier once you detect their patterns

Congrats, you just ascribed a trait that virtually all of humanity shares.

So what is the difference between love bombing and genuine interest? Can't you do lots of nice things for someone you love without it being narcissistic?

Love Bombing is when the person starts saying they love you before they even know you. It could happen in a matter of weeks from meeting. Sometimes less. They'll act like you're the most amazing human they've ever known, but when you ask them why you're so great they can't elaborate. They don't know anything about you or your life. They can't articulate reasons other than "you're so nice to me!", which means it's really all about them.

I'd be wary of anyone saying they loved me, or trying to give me gifts, in the first 6-12 months of a relationship. I still don't accept gifts from my partner. The greatest gift is if he actually knows how my mind works, what I think, and who I am.

I think a lot of autistic men would treat a possible love interest that way-due to our tendency to hyperfixate on things, our lack of social skills, and just being amazed that someone actually was interested in us.

oh I am not going to lie and say I don't get nearly lovebomb level with people way too quickly but it's in more of a dependent way than assertive way. I think the difference is I actually have reasons for liking people that are extremely easily definable but I'm not going to act like it's a good habit, it's actually rather bad


honestly i like someone to have self confidence but unfortunately i have never gotten close to someone who didnt have some sort of self esteem issue. personally the moment someone is mean to me im out so im not scared of getting trapped in that way at least

Im an Asperger with Narcissism assessed as having both in therapy, the two are not opposites. NPD Autistics do exist

I'm the same way in regards to the first part. It majorly helps that my current girlfriend is the same way with me. Those behaviors contributed to some major incompatibilities in my previous relationship thou because she had a high desire for independence & wanted more space.

I tend to prefer women who don't have high self-esteem nor lots of confidence partly because they tend to be more compatible & relatable with me. That said I think I have a fairly balanced self-esteem. I know I have lots more than my fair share of disabilities & issues & am quite aware most others won't give me a decent chance but I also believe I have a bit of positive relationship chracteristics as well when someone is willing to give me that chance & is willing to put in a fairly equal amount of effort into making our relationship work.

Thank you for all your posts, I like your feedback.

Some have pointed to the love bombing and the fact that autistics are fixated on the narc partner thinking they are genuinely admired. And a lot of you understood the true nature of the narc world.

Now, another thing to ask is who has been told by their partners that they 'Feel Insecure', because that is another common pattern and a red flag of narcissism?

I would like to hear more about those words in particular because they are common phrases.

My current girlfriend has told me that a bit but she very readily admits that she would be insecure in any relationship. She has lots of various disabilities & she was raised to believe that her needs were much less important than the needs of others. She belives she is a failure due to her not being independent compared to non-disableds but she only judges herself by those standards. She thinks me & other disableds are alot more important than herself. She has a hard time understanding why I'm with her because she believes I could do better.

I was never told that I was insecure by anyone although my abusive ex played on the insecurities and vulnerabilities that I certainly had at the time. A couple others I’ve known did the same - a major as*hole from college and a couple creeps on WP.

I’m done with that BS though. I finally understand the behavior.

How to avoid Dating a Narcissist:

Insinuate that anyone with a personality or sense of self might secretly be an narcissist.
Rant about how much you hate narcissists and how much they deserve to suffer.
Remain closed off and hostile because their attempts to get to know you are definitely manipulation and couldn't possibly be driven by authentic interest.

By following these handy tips one can ensure they will never date a narcissist (or anyone else).

I wasn’t solely referring to narcissists in my posts in this thread but to abusive individuals and groomers. Maybe a better title would be “How To Avoid Dating An Abuser.”

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 27 Jan 2024, 9:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't mean to imply you were. I'm more poking at how often any mention of narcissism or potential narcissists on here tends to turn into a two minute hate session. If people carry that attitude out into the real world (instead of just displaying it on here) it's bound to be a turn off for potential partners, whether those potential partners meet the criteria for NPD or not.

There's also the matter of how people who are prone to judging large swaths of the population as inherently flawed are doing so in order to elevate themselves above 'the masses', which seems like a massive red flag that someone is closer to being a narcissist than not one.

It does seem like a socially acceptable form of prejudice.

It needs to change since demonizing people is not helpful. People can’t help if they have NPD or whatever, and it doesn’t mean that they’ll be abusive either. The focus should be on behavior rather than on something someone can’t help.