Adult child has moved to residential care, quandary

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LeafyGenes
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15 Aug 2023, 5:22 pm

Hi everyone
My adult child with autism and delusions has moved to residential care fairly late in life. I'm not in the US. They have their own room in a larger place with 10-20 others. It's still quite recent and they are settling in with a few tricky problems such as the staff being avoidant of parents and my child not knowing how to work their heater and getting cold as a result.

My quandary is that I asked them how often they wanted to see me and they said every two weeks.
Since they don't answer texts or phone calls much and are mind-blind to my concerns, this seems a long time to go without any information whatsoever on how they are doing, when it's a new situation.

I'm not totally neurotypical.

Sometimes I think, "you are not that worried if you aren't willing to contact me" but I am not sure.
What do you think?


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Self-diagnosed with dyspraxia which has messed up my social life, my family, my work, and my home for a long time. I am ready for it to leave.

"From there to there, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!" Dr Suess, One Fish, Two Fish


timf
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16 Aug 2023, 8:14 am

Your inquiry of who often they wanted to see you was probably based on the assumption that they would either want to give you a report or that they would be interested in your help to get your son adjusted. It is the nature of agencies, departments, and organizations to be insular and see any external involvement as burdensome.

If this is the case, you may not find enthusiastic or even willing participation from the staff. While not necessarily adversarial, you may have to push to see your son as often as you would like.



Noble Glomad
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05 Sep 2023, 6:52 pm

Hi @leafygenes, it's a tad tricky to follow your post. I think all the 'theys' are referring to your child. @timf responded as if 'they' is also referring to the staff. As you initially use the pronouns 'they' for your child, I'm going to reply as if all your 'theys' refer to your child.

As it's new for you both, why not just suggest you'd like to go there more often initially, even a couple of times in the first weeks, to watch them settle in, just for the first couple of months. Meet them half way?

It sounds like a huge change for both of you. Do you have close ones you can talk with?

If you were referring to staff, I worked in a residential home for adults with learning dissabilities. I remember one Sunday morning, a family turned up unannounced. A colleague was muttering about how they shouldn't do that. I replied that if I had family in a care home, I sure would.