Say Something Random: psychological Conditions Version

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Yeah I'll have to call the doctor tomorrow if it's not gone. I was ok until yesterday when I saw a picture of my dad and it's just sent my head west.

It's something I never thought would ever happen to me and I've thought about him every day of my life and I think its all became too much for me. That's what's triggered it

The pain isn't really in my chest though it's all around my torso like a tight belt. It's excruciating

It's defo muscular because when I stretch right out like a cat it makes it easier

Definitely need to look into getting a new mattress though

Usually, I'd straight up abuse myself. By that, I meant neglect. Just to spite whatever my body is whining.

Maximum entertainment and head content.

One or the other?? No!!

It was a fricking tug of war in my damn head to a point that I either had to ignore one or the other; or ignore both and do nothing or just continue whatever the heck I was doing or whichever was easier as a passive placeholder decision.


Now?
Hmmm...

A real pros and cons processing.
That the internal in-fighting doesn't give me a literal headache or become helpless passive over indecision.
No more feeling torn into different directions.

I choose one or the other. My choice. No excuses.
No more, no less.



No wonder those people are so stupid unsympathetic.
They don't experience the former. "Power it through", "your choice your responsibility!", "Just do it~". "Discipline, routine, will power"! ! Ugh.

None of them says to quieten one's head. Or do not have an emotional wick that's always dosed with gasoline.

NONE of them tells that internal prerequisites. "Out grow"? "Become mature"? HAH!

The F***heck do they know???

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I think I figured out what's going on with me mentally right now. This kinda reminds me of when I start taking Prednisone for a while. I've been off & on that for like 5 years due to sinus allergies & skin issues that flare up when I stop. When I start I get kinda weirder for a couple weeks & then the mental effects wear off. I've been off that for like a year/year & a half now though. However I started taking a new supplement a few weeks ago COQ10/Coenzyme Q10 for various physical issues some claim it could help with & some also say it might could help with some mental stuff as well. My new weirdness would probably wear off soon after I get more used to this supplement. In the meantime I'll try to put this to some use & try to be a tad more active.

It might be best for me to stay off the forum for a few days or couple weeks till I'm feeling my normal. My schedule is a bit more screwed up than usuale ATM. Cass had an appointment yesterday & we need to do Walmart shopping tomorrow morning. I haven't felt like reading posts yesterday or today due to being tired. Plus it's been hot in our bedroom so I rather not use my desktop & posting on my phone is a pain for longer posts. I should be fine

Have you talked to your doctor about it? I don’t know anything about the supplement, but prednisone affects me in a very negative way, so I can relate to that.

Goid Luck with your "Today". however it turns out ...either way it sounds as if your body has gone thru something..
So allow yourself to ? maybe take it easy today.People are writing on utube about ,Something called Monotropism.
( kinda like the easy ability to absolutely focus on stuff,( perserverations ) . Well this probably has its ups and downs.And i have to wonder if that applies to all types of stuff. ( Good or Bad?). [ extra brain wiring, extra focus].?
So guess pain get extra neural perceptions too ? . So that old saying "be kind to yourself"'might be pretty revolent ..
Know people that , have thrown out a rib just coughing. And was feeling bad and hurting physically , and you get to have a " Not very Good Combination." And , maybe cause I have made it into alittle older age, have discovered, using chiropractors to help get "out of aligned parts" of my bones ,back into a place, where they might heal faster. Late Husbands Dad..Was a Osteopathic doctor {MD and DC training} , And got to be very old., Recommended , a certain type of Chiropractic called "AK" (applied Kineseology) . Basically it is the old hands on method of making bone adjustments by hand. Instead of by tools of any type.It is much gentiler..I feel . And when they can get you out of pain quicker.
Your immune system works much better THESE are just my experiences over the course of a lifetime.,
And better spinal alignment . I like Osteopathic Doctors over just MDs ( extra training) & most important , not all MDs
Chiropractors, or even Osteopaths are created equal. Important to be a Savey shopper when it comes to healthcare .
i have been known to drop any of these tyoes of Doctors even after just one visit,And this includes Psyche docs too. Have best day you can , when or if you get a chance to read this.

Would I miss my emotionality, pre-pill self?


**** No.
Those years are filled with helpless frustration, bordering self loathing, and all the stupid accusations all around the notions of self control and maturity.

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On gaining this form of alexithymia, I wonder if going emotional expression is truly beneficial.

Pre-pill self got no real benefit from it. It's a life long huge problem next to my chronic upper respiratory nuisances.


So how about post-pill self?
So far, crying gave me more headaches and tension than a lift or an aide. It's easier to cry than before -- yet, so far; as far as I get to feel onto anyone's stories, it doesn't inspire me.

I hadn't experimented with other emotions and sensations much yet.

Tried true nothing; it just had to make me more diligent to reach it.
But what is the point of feeling safe and assured, when the need for feeling safe and assured no longer exists, and then to a degree, no longer beneficial to feel it?

Heck, I even forgot rage and anger. My hate is still there, just subtle yet a still active force in my processes.

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All these situations...etc.. literally sounds as if the human body ,is crying out for healing ....but figuring out , how or even what to do to heal, to eat, to massage , to adjust, to let go off, to try to use supplements for , Whatever it takes to heal . Complicated as it may seem , All living things ,even in xcience seem to lean strongly to homeostasis.. ...And usually people might be drawn towards whatever that healing maybe? ( within reason) would hope .
For instance , Seems i read somewhere long ago about little very small children out in the play areas, sometimes actually eating "dirt " ,left to their own designs .So , obviously they got upset and commissioned a study . It was atrocious , "imagine your baby eating dirt ." ugh..! Yup...yup.. well turns out the dirt had some very vital key mineral the kid was lacking in their daily diet. ??. Who woulda thought it .But kids dont know better they just do whats right for what they body needed.Or felt it needed . Not having the ability for figure out other concepts yet.
People forget this is a reality that this has been around for eons before, mammals prolly even understood speech..?
Even the tribes if Indians without modern medicine and Laboratories, had methods of treating things based on intuition.
/intuition,But nobody thinks that way anymore . ...You get a emotionally bad day, go out and get a big serving of your favourite food , have a good cry and a good rest , And drink lotsa water, to replace tears .Maybe feel better,or at least calmer . But , we are in a modern society, that version of common sense is outdated now.? ( maybe)
And as hard as it is , a persons own hate, will not serve their own health ,well, in the long run... But practicing stuff that will give you some kind of healing..will most likely serve you. much better ..Especially as you age.
Not talking about being embittered or grumpy ,or even putting blame where blame is due . But your own bodies tendency towards homeostasis. And as you "age" things start to break down or go downhill on you . " Stress is the big killer,and even can promote inflammation responses . Older bodies do not do well under these conditions, Snd if you gotta live with what you got( brung) to this life( fight) ? You better think about how to heal stuff. Be it meditation, or watching a Sunset ..you best pay attn to things that heal. Even if the other stuff is big stuff.
[ Just my opinion of how to get down the road of life,even if just a few more miles]

Part of me doesn't wanna get better because I'll miss my shrink but the fact is is that I am getting better so it's time soon to part company

This is what I'm gonna talk about next week when I see him

I have enough empathy and social imagination to know how to reciprocate.

I just refuse to. I don't impulsively do so.
The worst reason is that I'd be too overwhelmed to try and reciprocate, and I hate that more than choosing not to reciprocate out of sheer egocentry.


To reflexively do so is naive, open to exploitation.
And ego says it's awkward cringe shite lol.

An emotionally and socially competent person will know how and when to give empathy or not, if this person is wanting an enabler or is reaching out and wanting something human.

But not everyone has that. Not even NTs -- evidently, it's not really a common trait.

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