NTs thinking we are doing 'power moves'

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For me, the problem is that I can't manage finesse. I only have two options: blurt out something without finesse, that might offend someone because it's blunt (but not necessarily because of its content), or just not say anything.

I think that's where people who are adept at social interactions can convey a correction or criticism without causing offense, because they know how to sugar-coat it and make it seem palatable. I don't have that ability. Mostly what I have learned to do is to just let it go when other people make a mistake, even when my correction might actually help them. Even if I'm riding in a car with someone and they make a wrong turn, I won't say anything. They'll figure it out eventually.

I can do the dance a little bit by playing dumb, like by saying, "I don't know, I think it might be pronounced mischievous and not mischeevious, but I could be wrong." I might even add, "I think I've heard it both ways," which is technically true even though one of the two ways is wrong.

I think we sometimes just need to let go of things that are wrong and let them play out without correcting them, as much as it chafes.

Also, keep in mind that being corrected bruises a person's ego and can make them feel stupid or embarrassed, which is why they might come to the conclusion that humiliating them was our intention.

Hm. I never thought about it as a power move. I'm not really sure if I understand what a power move is. I know that one year I didn't invite the whole class to my oldest daughter's b-day party and a lot of the kids had their feelings hurt, but my mindset was simple, some of the kids were not only not her friends, but some of them were mean to her and she didn't want them there. Seemed simple to me. I tried to be discreet about it so no one would know they were being excluded, but it was a small school and the kids talked and found out and it was a mess. I just figured it was kids having their feelings hurt and parents doing what they do when their kid gets hurt...reacting. Now I wonder if there was more to it. Reality was that the parents in her class didn't like me. I was a single parent at the time, and my kids were in a christian school back then and I am an athiest. A lot of the parents in her class didn't like me to begin with. My middle daughter had other single parents who were only there to give there kids a safer school environment than our public schools, so I got on well with most of them and their kids played with mine a lot. I could relate to more of them. Very different dynamics with those two daughters and elementary school. I figured it was cliques with adults impacting the kids. It's likely though there was more that I was missing. I'm not the most socially savvy.

I know that a lot of times when people meet me, they seem to like me, but the more they get to know me, the more off-putting I become to them. I figure it's because I can be 'a lot'. I don't bite my tongue, and I unapologetically am who I am. Initially that is refreshing to people, and they enjoy it, but once they realize this is how I always am, they run. Lol. I know small doses of me is best for others. I just figured I was too much, but maybe they think I'm trying to pull rank or be superior or something. I dunno. I could ask some of the people who have run from me, but I doubt they'd respond to my texts. Now I'm curious.

I want to give some other examples of NTs thinking Autists are doing power moves. People are getting too distracted by my example of the school parties and parenting.

1. At work. Correcting people's mistakes and doing our jobs efficiently and quietly. I was amazed when I got my first job and found out that many people don't come to work to get the job done. For a lot of them, it's socialising and jockeying for position that are the most important thing. Also schmoozing to get a promotion. I found that if I was too nice to some people, others assumed I wanted a promotion.

2. Generally correcting people. I want to make sure people have the correct information in case the wrong information hurts them. And of course I like information to be correct as much as possible. Could this be seen as a power move to undermine someone of a higher social standing than me? There was one stupid example where I complimented the outfit of a fellow 'playground mum' and she took high offence and was rude to me from then on.

Any other situations/examples?

Number 3 might be people who make themselves indispensable to their bosses by being everywhere and volunteering to do everything but don't actually do any work. They then get given leadership roles that they are not qualified to hold and promotions they don't deserve.

It is said that Clemons Van Metternich (the famous Austrian diplomat of the 19th Century) suffered...a fit of depression... after he learned that "the Russian embassador had just died". Depression because Metternich couldnt figure out what the embassador's....motive...could be.

Motive for dying.

Obviously it was a "powerplay", but how?

European diplomats of the Napoleonic age were to normal NTs, what normal NTs are to autistics. Play court intrigue on a higher level ...like three D chess.