"friend" suddenly started ignoring my emails

Post Reply New Topic

In November 2017, met Dena in aikido. From then until May 2022, we hung out between twice a week and once every couple of weeks. In May 2022, I emailed Dena. She didn't answer. In December 2022 and March 2023, I emailed again. No answer

Tomorrow is her birthday. Considering emailing again.

Have not seen her since May 2022

If she (correctly or wrongly) thinks I did something wrong or bad, and choose to ignore my emails as punishment, do you think she would be more receptive to me, if I emailed her on her birthday, or does it not matter if it's her birthday? Or has it been too long since emails?

Birthday is a good choice.

Dena didn't delete me on Facebook, but she didn't answer my last two emails either (and she used to answer my emails).

Should I be grateful she didn't delete me on Facebook or should I be overreacting because she didn't answer my emails?

She didn't tell me what I did wrong. However I am not perfect. Nobody is perfect. There is no such thing as perfect.

There were things she didn't like about me.

There were things I didn't like about her, but I was afraid that if I insisted she changed for me, then she would have dumped my worthless corpse. On the other hand, sooner or later, she did dump my worthless corpse, so wtf ever.

Anyways, in July 2018, the previous aikido instructor Brandon, whose lessons were "donation only", moved to a different state. The next aikido instructor was Kayla. Kayla charges $165 month. And Kayla has "volunteers" teaching most of her lessons for her. The Fair Labor Standards Act makes it illegal for "for profit" businesses to accept volunteer labor. Kaylas business is "for profit".

Kayla has plenty of slaves. They have been "volunteering" for her, for many years, for a few hours a week: janitorial, fixing the building, WordPress, bookkeeping and lessons. Dena said she "would do anything" to take aikido lessons. Dena has been doing the WordPress and bookkeeping for Kayla, volunteering. Dena had the nerve to refuse to say "excuse me" instead of "what" and "huh" to me.

In 2014, kayla's first interaction with me was when she had the nerve to bark at me for leaving Brandon's lesson early. Kayla had the nerve to ask why I was leaving early and I told her "bus".

Kayla

Did not "pick her battles"
Mind her business
Show aikido type "wisdom"
Consider my perspective
Apologize, and I think she should have

And besides, if she could not consider my perspective when I was taking the bus, what else could she not understand? If I wasted $165 month on her lessons, would she then bark at me every time I did the slightest thing she didn't like or understand?

Quite frankly, if Dena refused to say"excuse me " instead of"what", that would be fine with me, if she didn't do *anyone* else *any* personal favors, but Dena has practically been Kayla's personal servant for the past couple of years.

First impressions

Brandons lessons were in the middle of the day, which was convenient for the bus. Kaylas lessons are at night. Brandon didn't require a uniform and Kayla does.

All Kayla cares about is $$$$$

First of all, it's been a few years but if you wished her a happy birthday, that would put the ball in her court. However, you have to remember that you are not in control of what she does. It's most likely that she's probably not going to change her mind. However, that speaks volumes about who is as a person. It sounds like you are doing your part.
You may want to leave her a message and ask if you did or said anything that upset her.

Summer

When I looked at her Facebook page, I saw that I wished her a happy birthday last year and she didn't answer.

So I didn't wish her a happy birthday this year.

My email address has not changed so if she wanted to contact me she already would have done so.

She has plenty of friends and I have zero friends. She won't miss me

Whatever.

"Life" goes on and on

Besides she was nice but she was not perfect

I am so sorry and I know how painful it can be to lose a friend and then have no friends as well.

Sending three emails in a row, without a response should be enough of a hint to you, for you to discontinue sending further emails or any other communication for that matter.

You don't want to find yourself being accused of being a stalker, I wouldn't imagine.

Same thing recently happened to me. I got love-bombed and then she answered a couple of my messages and then, nothing - for months. I wasn't pursuing her romantically, just responded to her initial friendliness and encouragement and was all excited about having a Platonic relationship with this girl. It's not the first time this has happened. I don't even get my feelings hurt anymore.

I've been experiencing this for 10+ years. At least I know there is nobody for me. And it's pointless to pursue any connections with anyone.

I don't usually read this kind of thread but it's been an off day and this caught my interest.

Okay so the sights have been set on Dena the fellow Aikido student, who is ignoring the social media and emails but speaking politely in person? And the question is now whether to repeat happy birthday wishes? This ship has sailed. I would number one, not use social media in the first place, and number two, not repeat ignored well wishes. Dena has been rude, so move on.

Then I noticed this post here by TT1660, who laments that there is no one for them and it is pointless to pursue connections. Really?

Why not just talk to someone else who seems to share your interests? Perhaps someone who is medium level attractive, because let's be honest, most of us are mediums or below. That sort of thing doesn't really matter.

If you folks are getting shot down over and over, my guess is that you have overt social skill deficits. If you are sharing something in common with another person, especially an uncommon thing, she will talk to you long enough to realize "Oh, this guy is weird in an interesting way, not a dangerous way" and the conversation will continue.

Trust me! Keep trying, but with different people!

I have friends like this and it can be a variety of things. I have seen friends in the midst of depression or other mental illnesses in which they don't reach out, including sending texts or emails. Maybe her email changed. Maybe her life is in a place that she doesn't have the time to inclinations to use email right now.

I have friends like this and I do what you did. Send them a birthday greeting. Share with them news of a major life event. Tell them I am thinking of them.

__________________________

Eight billion precious lil "people" in the solar system.

You have not gone through all of them. All you "need" is one

Having said that, I, too gave up on social interaction, a long time ago

The way I have been feeling (and maybe what you are trying to say), is that, for me, attempting to pursue social relationships, does not appear to be worth the time, money and energy it takes. (Cost benefit analysis)

I have that obsurd* mindset of subconsciously believing that one 'friend' is enough for me. Admittedly, I do tend to get fixated on one person at a time, and unintentionally ignore others. But then, when you literally never get any messages from those who are supposed to at least act like being your friend(s), what does one do?

If it wasn't for this quirky albeit stubborn support worker I tend to speak them on some days at least, I'd be feeling even more hopeless.

There is an event coming up for ND folks. But there is a huge contrast between what I call 'original brain', and 'second brain'. IE the dreaded ABI category. I have a cognitive deficiency that nobody can detect, because I tend to process some things like a standard human. But missing all the hidden parameters that NTs, and many 'OB' folks are super adept with. I literally cannot understand why nobody contacts me out of the blue, except for one NT fella in his 60s who I share an interest with. I feel like I need a (legit) reeducation. But I am losing hope by the minute, and am very skeptical of my future. I'm not expecting to live to 50, let alone beyond.