What do you do about gruff co-workers?

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Sweetleaf
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06 Jan 2024, 2:32 am

At my new job seems like they put it on one employee to sort of show me how to do some things and such at my job. And so far I have just tried being receptive to how she tells me to do stuff, and a couple times she has come over to tell me how I could do something better...which I am cool with as I haven't worked at a laundry place before so any advice that helps me work better is welcome to me as I do like to do as best I can at jobs so any advice of how to do things more effectively is appreciated. But that co-worker is sort of gruff idk, she seems more friendly with co-workers she has known longer but with me and her it's just strictly work talk...and Idk if I somehow should try to be a bit more friendly but she comes off gruff and idk it intimidates me a bit so even though she said I should come find her when I come in to ask if she has any work to get me started on I am still nervous to do it, I do...but idk if they read I am still nervous or if they think I don't like them or something.

I really like the job so far, like the work is pretty easy to do...but I just don't know how to establish more friendliness with the gruff old lady that works there. There is no actual issue like she has just been showing me how to do things, but just seems like she is less friendly to me and much more friendly with co-workers she has known longer. But I just don't know like maybe I have to make the first friendly move like it coulden't hurt to try and say good morning and ask how she's doing...before she gives me a work task to do. Just she give it so quick I don't want to irritate her with chit chat, but then again the co-workers she is more friendly with do engage in chit chat with her. And it is not unusual for people to assume because my initial very quiet nature I like don't want to interact with them...so I don't think it's all on the gruff lady I think part of it is I am probably hard to approach to.


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bee33
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06 Jan 2024, 5:21 am

I've had similar things happen to me. Because I am awkward and might be kind of quiet I seem unfriendly or I've even been seen as standoffish or superior. I've never been really good at figuring out how to get over that. You could try complimenting her, like saying "I like your shirt" or something like that, but that too can come off as awkward. I don't know.



belijojo
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06 Jan 2024, 7:30 am

^same situation


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David1346
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08 Jan 2024, 1:29 pm

I likely come across as gruff when I'm meeting new people for the first time. It's a defense mechanism against the nervousness I feel in having to interact with someone whom I don't know.

This person's attitude could be similar even if she's not on the spectrum. Social anxiety can be a disorder that's completely separate from a diagnosis of autism. The stress in having to deal with people is a symptom that's common to both autism and social anxiety.



Sweetleaf
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08 Jan 2024, 2:25 pm

Well today I said good morning to her, she said it back and then I asked what she had for me to start on. That made things feel less awkward.


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DanielW
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08 Jan 2024, 2:31 pm

You can't really do anything about co-workers. Some people just want to go to work, do their time and leave. What you can do is change your expectations towards them and how you react to them.



Sweetleaf
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09 Jan 2024, 12:09 am

DanielW wrote:
You can't really do anything about co-workers. Some people just want to go to work, do their time and leave. What you can do is change your expectations towards them and how you react to them.


Yeah that makes sense, that is why today I said good morning .

I think all I can do is try and actually greet her with good morning, rather than just coming up and being like 'hey what should I start on. And just do my best and idk maybe it also takes her a while to warm up to people it takes time for me to. Idk also there are like idk 10 people on this job...so feels like it's kind of important to not come off as totally antisocial.


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MaxE
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09 Jan 2024, 6:52 am

That lady has most likely been in that job or jobs like it for decades. You probably look younger than you are. She may feel you're just passing through, that you'll move on to something else once you get bored. It's up to you to make an effort to be nice to her without getting in her face.


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Sweetleaf
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11 Jan 2024, 12:12 am

MaxE wrote:
That lady has most likely been in that job or jobs like it for decades. You probably look younger than you are. She may feel you're just passing through, that you'll move on to something else once you get bored. It's up to you to make an effort to be nice to her without getting in her face.


Yeah, she does seem quite experienced in this line of work, so could be I'm just the young newbie person they aren't even sure will stick around. That said I plan to stick around as long as I can, so she'll have to get used to me being there at least for a time.


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Sweetleaf
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13 Jan 2024, 2:10 am

OK so the gruff coworker I've been mentioning, today called me over by name...and idk I figured she had some advice or something how to do something better...but no it was just to tell me she appreciates me helping with spot treatment in the morning as past workers they have had have been worse about that. So yeah Idk I am just happy she complimented me, cause I was worried she didn't like me at all or thought I was a lazy worker, but her saying all that to me makes me feel better.


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