Anxious about posting- this is my first time reaching out

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Hi. Full transparency, I have not been diagnosed as being on the spectrum but I was previously diagnosed with BPD (as a teen) and two years ago was told I was misdiagnosed and told it's actually bipolar 1.
My husband and I have these terrible fights that seem to go nowhere and I've often thought about the fact that my first husband and I had the same sort of turbulent circular fights. I recently learned that we (current husband) actually get into them because we don't understand each other a lot. Well, I started researching why/how this could be so common and stumbled into the world of neurodivergence; I was shocked at how much my lived experience seemed so similar. I know I've always been dyslexic but this was a whole new thing. I asked my son and husband about my behaviors and showed my husband the research I'm doing and neither one seemed surprised. My husband said that it sounded a lot like me.
This has led me to question not only my bipolar diagnosis but also whether or not I have ASD. So I'm reaching out. Any advise or communication is appreciated.

Last edited by Toomuchcoffee on 12 Jan 2024, 10:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Hello and welcome.

Thanks. Hello to you too.

Feel free to join in. I need sleep as am over tired.Is 0328 here. Will catch up with site after I sleep.

Enjoy!

Welcome! It's definitely a journey

During our dark days, my allistic (not Autistic) husband used to say "who thinks that way?" or "nobody would do that!" in his frustration when we didn't understand each other. I could have said the same to him, but unfortunately I knew most people think the way he does. So now 20 years later we have long ago thrown all those expectations to the wind and said - ok, we think these ways and do things these ways - what do we each need (and together) and how do we get there? He hasn't said patronized as badly as he did me in about ten years and I haven't kicked a hole in the wall in about that same time.

I was misdiagnosed Bipolar II as a young adult, although even today most male drs believe I have a mild mood disorder but my female drs think I'm the high "H" in ADHD explains my "overly" optimistic attitude. Ummm, in part it's my survival mechanism.

Welcome to WP.

I am awake now. Apologize for needing to sleep as my sleeping patterns had been effected where I wasn't getting enough sleep and then it suddenly hit me where it felt painful to stay awake and I slept for 12 hours! Usually sleep for 9 or 10 hours if I am naturally asleep without being awake when I should be asleep. (Hope I am making sense?)

I am awake now so I can reply!

Can I ask something about what you wrote. You mentioned bipolar. When I was finding out about autism as I suddenly (A bit over four years ago) found there was some sort of link between autism and the thing I was trying to work out what it was (Shutdowns)... I came across several testimonies of autistic people who had been wrongly diagnosed as bipolar. (Of course some could have both!)
But the main difference between the two (As bipolar is a chemical imbalance in the brain and is medically treatable, while autism is brainconnections that don't connect which is not medically treatable, but other traits associated with autism may be medically treatable) is that with bipolar it is said one typically goes from a low to a high in about four days while with autism one can have several highs and lows in a single day! If the high and low cycles are typically quicker than a few days to reach from one extreme to the other, I suggest it is well worth checking if it is autism. Worth being assessed anyway for peace of mind.

Do a lot of females get "diagnosed" as bipolar rather than autistic? I ask because 30 years ago, the therapist tried to say I was bipolar (I had just been raped at college). I knew I was not bipolar and I did not need medication. I needed help understanding. Was that the go to decades ago for females? Thank you for posting about this.

I feel half guilty as I didn't realize I wrote in the womens section as I am a man (Saw this post by clicking on "New posts since last visit" so hope you don't mind and only noticed after I wrote last reply).... It was a women on a Ted talk on Youtube who I saw was missdiagnosed that first brought my attention and I had heard it said many times as a few years ago while I was finding out about autism (I was trying to trace what the shutdowns were as I didn't have a clue I was on the spectrum in the past), and naturally I went days (Months!) just watching and reading everything I could find about autism and peoples testimonies etc.. There are many out there! But quite a few mentioned they had been missdiagnosed as bi-polar which is why I mention it. I can't remember exactly which Ted Talk it was on Youtube as it was not long after I joined this site back in 2019.
One can go onto Youtube and type "Difference between autism and bi-polar" and you will find a few videos to watch. Watch a few to get an idea of why it can be miss-diagnosed.
I am not saying it is the case but I am saying it is more than possible.. Don't forget that GP's (Doctors) do their best but they don't know everything as humans, and the various issues and conditions are such a wide subject to cover, that occasionally the odd missdiagnosis can slip through. Also, many things are hard to diagnose. I spent most of my life trying to find out what was happening to me as I knew nothing about autism or shutdowns. (I knew full well from the point of having them! But trying to describe them to doctors over a 35 year period (Mum would not let me tell doctors before my late teens as she did not believe it was a problem) before I found out in my late 40's by joining this site... Doctors didn't know! It took me changing doctors a few years ago to find a doctor who "Was on my side" and last doctors lost all my medical history so they had to start again from scratch... But it was my research through desparation and through prayer to God that took me along this route which saved me from what was a life and death situation... (As hit many burnouts... Doctors hardly know about them as I could not describe them into words. Sort of mental breakdowns that were noticable in physical ways though my mind was bouncing back and fore through time... Last one I actually forgot how to walk and was stuck standing in the middle of a car park! Had to learn to walk again there and then or I would have been in derious trouble! But I say this to show how even the doctors may not be able to work it out... As us humans are marvellously complex!)

Welcome ..to WP ..best wishes on your journey of learning,hope this site helps you out .

I appreciate the question. And you can post here, as long as it aligns with women's topics. I have a feeling a LOT of girls were told they were bi polar (or something else) to "fix" the problem and shut us up. My parents tried to do that to me. Are there any other females that have been diagnosed incorrectly? Do you think it was due to your gender? IMHO I think it was.

Have you tried to find ND doctors near you? Do you have access to decent doctors? It took me a long time to find doctors that did not want to put me in their tidy little category and be done with me. I need a diagnosis for disability but many people I have met are self diagnosed because no one would listen to them and they do not need the financial assistance. Go with your gut. You know you better than anyone. This took a lot a courage. Good job. Keep it up.

My gender. I am male which js why I was concerned. I don't know about the doctors and how they treated me with my gender, as one of them we called "Dr Parecetamol" as whatever one went in for his reply was "Take a paracetamol and go to bed. My brother lost his stomache lining as he had been doing this for many years! We used to laugh that one could go in to see him holding ones leg in ones hand if one accidently chopped it of and he would say "Take a paracetamol...". He was clueless! He had to ask others how to identify chicken pox spots I once had and he had been a doctor for a fair few years!
I know of at least one doctor who was able to buy his doctors qualifications abroad as in certain countries it was perfectly legal and the UK accepted it as a medical qualification.. So it could be in that doctors surgery (As the one I know of who went down this route did occasionally work for the same doctors when they were short staffed), but this does not mean that they can't gain the knowledge as they go along... But the few doctors I had were somewhat lacking in their general medical knowledge of the subject relating to their job apart from one where the others would go to see half way through any appointment to ask him! He was impossible to get an appointment with as hardly anyone would see the other two... He then died in suspicious circumstances (Nothing to do with his job)..
Is why I said when I eventually changed to a different doctors it was like going out of a third world country into the modern world!
i do think though that the way autism presents itself somewhat differently in women where women are naturally far more social then men, will hide the autism side, so doctors will naturally think of bipolar as a posibility instead. I don't think missdiagnosing autism with bipolar is exclusively to women though. As though he has never been assessed, I have a male friend who I am 100% convinced he is on the spectrum (If one looks at how he lives it is obvious!) and yet he has the amazing ability to be able to engage in conversations with other people. I only naturally did this when masking as part of my job!

Masking can be Soo draining on a persons life energy ..... and btw Mountaingoat, within a few months of your telling me your experiences in the past ... When I first started corrsponding with you over a year ago ..I tjought yoou were
on the spectrum ....

I know! Why I would work until I hit burnout and the masking would fail, and I would hand in my notice... Then eventually recover, have full on stress when starting a new job until a year in where I would start to settle... But two years in and masking would start to break down again! My two year cycles I used to call them!
As I got older though masking would break down earlier... Also burnouts hit much harder. Recovery times too much longer! Had no income through most of recovery times as did not know they were burnouts and did not have a clue how to describe as I did not know what was happening to me!