Flirting

Post Reply New Topic

How do you know if a guy or a woman is flirting with you?

That is what I want to know!

There is a man named Jesse at my Day Program who I suspect is flirting with me but I'm not so sure

He keeps kissing me and sharing his food with me!

Kissing in such a situation might be characterized as something other than flirting. I would think a counselor would talk to him about it. How do you feel about it?

Something other than flirting?

Like what?

According to our old friend Wikipedia, flirting is


I don't think kissing someone in a situation like day program counts as body language.

Do you like that guy? Would you kiss him (like at a party)?

Yes, that's pretty blatantly flirting.

That's what I thought!

Maybe I am getting better at reading/deciphering social cues?

I would consider kissing more than flirting to be honest.

I'm not very good at picking up on flirting, especially if it's subtle. I don't know when friendliness crosses the line into flirting, so I usually assume people are just being friendly. I grew up with some weird ideas on this topic. "Flirting is bad."

For the OP, sometimes people flirt without being interested in anything more than friendship, so you can't determine interest based on this sort of behavior.

There's usually a feel about flirting between two people that is more than just words.

For example, a person could sarcastically compliment another person and that wouldn't be the same as smiling affectionately and complimenting another person sincerely.

If a person ever lightly touches another person whilst complimenting them, that is usually a sign of interest, I think.

Flirting can also be done whilst being attracted to a person or not being attracted to a person. Sincerely or not.

Women (and less often in my experience, men) sometimes flirt with men (or women) to gain social favour with them, even if they are not seriously attracted to them. This might happen in some workplaces etc.

I don't think there's any difference when it comes to using flirting to get something in return (i.e. manipulate) in the workplace or elsewhere. TV or movies might portray a difference when there isn't one. Personal experience, by definition, is too limited to make an informed judgment call one way or the other.

Well I don't think kissing somebody is an acceptable form of flirting. Granted I have no idea whether the person being kissed in this situation likes the person kissing her, welcomes the kisses, or what sort of kisses they are (on the cheek etc.).

I have always struggled with being able to tell if someone is flirting with me. They have to hit me over the head with hints before I'll realize.

With that said, as a woman, you begin to realize that most men that interact with you are only doing it because they want to date you. Or at least that's the way it is for me. Especially online. I'm not very attractive IRL, I'm just not the prettiest woman, so men IRL tend to look past me. but online I'll get guys interacting with me all of the time and they are so darn obvious about it. Especially when they start throwing in pet names. Guys IRL will do that, too. Had a creepy older man do that to me in the elevator at one of my recent doctor's appointments.

But if you're any subtler than that (and dear men: you should be, because pet names are creepy when we're not dating), I won't see it. I had a guy who is a cashier at a restaurant I regularly go to make jokes where he was counting my total to pay in absurd things like pennies or quarters and I sensed that MIGHT be flirting. Even still, I'm not sure, and me being the awkward person I am responded in a very mute way that probably turned him off even if he was flirting with me.

Well some guys who flirt with you IRL might actually wish they could seriously date you. Sadly, not all, but you have to realize there's a lot of guys who don't think themselves even slightly attractive. Particularly if they have what might seem an awkward approach. A real player would be much smoother. Not that you should necessarily respond to any such advances, but you should be aware there are genuinely lonely guys out there wanting to connect but not knowing how. Even if your autism makes you less predisposed to getting romantically involved with somebody you encounter in your daily life.

^^ Yeah, don't even get me started on the pet names stuff. Pet names are cool to use with a boyfriend or partner, but otherwise, I'm not your "sweetie," "sunshine," "honey," etc. A guy offline who appeared to be in his 30s called me "honey" repeatedly the other day which made me super uncomfortable. It's not a cultural norm where I live.

It could also be deliberate disrespect. An awkward guy who tries to flirt, but doesn't really know how, wouldn't do it that way. Something more typical might be if say, he's a clerk, and he goes out of his way to help the lady, beyond what his job requires.