homeless

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Afraid of becoming homeless.

Plenty of homeless near where I work and live. Dangerous, extreme weather.

Government subsidized housing has a long waiting list. Plenty of homeless work full time. Besides, I am just a party of one. And autistic. Physically weak, mentally slow, socially awkward, emotionally fragile. Financially broke.

Healthcare and grocery costs skyrocketing. Minimum wage income not skyrocketing. Besides, it's manual labor, and I will soon be too old/weak/unhealthy to do that job. And it's my only source of income. Single, no children, parents dead.

Also, some people I have seen at the grocery store, work there long term. They appear to be working hard. One of them, Chuck, was @ the bus stop with me one Sunday @ 5am, when I was going to the half marathon before work. Then after work, after I took the train all the way to the bus stop and then Walgreens, when I went to Safeway, Chuck was just getting off work. chuck looked so drained and defeated.

Nothing to look forward to.

often feel like gorging

Some of my coworkers act so *carefree* and energetic. Some of them are much fatter and older than me and work two full time standing up jobs. (restaurant retail sales). How do they do it? My back and feet sometimes hurt. And I am not alert. And I am constantly afraid and worried over something or other.

Some coworkers pay for:
rent
five children
hawaii vacation
boxing lessons
gym membership
ubereats

none of my coworkers appears to be taking extreme measures to reduce expenses or earn more $$. some of my coworkers have felony convictions (plumbing/hardware/lot attendant SU and assistant manager Don) and that doesn't stop them from having jobs and spouses and kids. How do they do it? Plenty of undocumented immigrants drive cars. How do they pay for cars? Some people in the FoodMaxx parking lot sold jewelry and oranges. How do they earn enough $$ to not be homeless? It just doesn't add up.

Seriously regretting not getting a Bachelor's in Accounting, or going into a trade, when I was 18. Forty now. Brain has been on "off" mode for a long time. Usually do not feel like talking to anyone. Exhausted all the time. Entire worthless corpse gone limp. Do not know how to cook. Just microwave. Bowel movements take 30 minutes frequently.

Do not have a single "friend" that will lemmie crash on the couch. Not even for a single day.

"couchsurfing.com"

maybe I could sleep in airport waiting rooms like "fly away home", but too much security.

my worthless corpse is just a disaster waiting to keep happening. if it's "survival of the fittest", then i should've perished a longfuck time ago, s**t.

You are not worthless. As for homelessness, that is a valid concern to have, but try not to let it get you down too much (though I know that is easier said than done and not so much something that you can completely control). Maybe try to come up with a plan to fall back on if things go wrong. It might also be good to get help coming up with a plan, especially if you have trouble with planning. You said that no one will allow you to stay with them, but if anyone you know is good at planning they may be more willing to help you with that, or maybe one of your coworkers who seems good at that sort of thing. If nobody will help, or you are uncomfortable talking to people about that you could try researching it, there are YouTube videos for basically everything, so maybe start there.

Also, you seem to have low self-esteem, you might find that working on having a better self-image will help you in life, since you may be holding yourself back if you lack confidence in your abilities. It will probably make you feel better either way. Though I am a total hypocrite in telling you to work on your self-esteem because I have low self-esteem myself. I don't mean to assume anything about you or your mindset though, so I am sorry if I did that, or I this is coming across as a lecture or anything. I also have little experience in things like economics, so definitely take anything I say on this subject with more than a grain of salt.

I used to be exactly like this and think the same way. In Fact I did end up homeless because of it.

It took me many years to figure it out, turns out I created all my own problems, it had nothing to do with anyone else and I had to take responsibility for my own life instead of blaming the world, other people or my disabilities.

I had to suffer a lot before I got the message.


One thing I have discovered is that this isn't an Autistic thing, it's a human thing, it is just a part of the human condition known as dwelling, ruminessing, resentment, blaming others, over catastrophizing and so on.

It's a tough cycle to get out of, it creates a lot of negative thoughts and dysfunction and thus feeds more emotions and more negative thoughts till one reaches such a point when they either give up or wake up.

The laws of attraction indicate that we attract more of what we focus on, so if all we do is focus on doom and gloom, what does this create? That's right, more doom and gloom.

I know it's tough, I've been there. But the first step to getting out of this vicious cycle is to realise you're in it.

I had this feeling and thought process as well. I was finally diagnosed with CPTSD. After therapy (which I am still participating in), that fear has lessened. I am finding help through my therapists. I am actively searching for resources to help me as well. I am in the middle (hopefully near the end, its been 2 1/2 years now) of a divorce and found out I have Cptsd, autism, and ADHD. That is very scary. I have never taken care of myself very well and now I have to take care of a 14 year old son alone. I am quite terrified actually. But I have resources now to help me. I am not alone as much as I was. Maybe you can look for resources online that can help you. Or find someone (a therapist?) local that understands ND and autism and can offer some help. I hope you find what you need.

You know who else was "homeless"? The mongols, the australian aborigines, the early british explorers, the famous philosopher diogenese lived in a barrel.

The world is s**t. You are right. Especially for us and especially now. And it's totally not your fault. But the world is a big place, and you can find a nice corner somewhere, as outcasts and gays and gipsies have done for millenia.

I reckon just embrace it. Use youtube to learn about camping and cold weather, make a system, reach out to other struggling people of which there are many, good charities like churches, some social welfare, friends.

Rent is an enormous unnecessary cost. If you can find a nice spot in the forest it's healthy and calm, away from toxic people, alcoholics, crazy bosses. There are a lot of ways to make money online. Maybe you can find a way eventually, and with such low living costs, the barrier to entry is low.