Falling In Love

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"It was weird.
He kept inventing and promoting who I was, on WP.

I kept telling him "I never said that ...", or that he was wrong.

I'm still doing damage control.
Some people thought the stuff he said about me was true.
Then when my real life didn't match, they thought I lied.

It's more like he was a wanker.
Literally.

He was the liar."

I had something similar happen to me in real life after someone didn't get what they wanted from me. It sucks, but it happens unfortunately. And other people just jump on the bandwagon without checking if anything is true. Humans are very fickle at times.

I could never fall in love online. I have a weird thing where someone's scent can completely make or break whether I'm attracted to them. They could be my exact type, but if I meet them and the pheromones smell 'wrong' to me then I'm not interested. It's like a switch gets shut off in my brain and there's nothing I can do to reverse it. Before I meet them, I could be attracted and interested in them as a person, but it won't be very strong interest. Definitely not love.

Yes, you might get infatuated online totally, and sort of platonic fell in love with someone-especially if he has a wonderful tone of voice (that counts very much in my opinion.

Bu I have to agree, it is always falling in love physically by smelling them and sensing how they feel.

You only know for sure if you meet them.

But -in my experience- dating online can be very dangerous for females on the spectrum. It never went alright in my case. They all wanted sex, even when they invited me for a cheesecake. We need time to decipher if we want to have sex with someone or not and I personally hate one night stands.

We do not know what to do in these situations and I personally always freeze or fawn. You can very easily be deceived by thinking oh he is kind and nice and I sort of like him, so okay I might go in his place and boom they try to throw you in bed.

Others?

I want to get invited to a man's house for sex...

You should make sure that you only accept an invitation from someone worthwhile or it won’t be enjoyable.

It seems like some people do fall in love with people they met online before physically meeting them. I don’t really care that much about scent. Well, I don’t like it if someone smells bad or if it’s the scent of someone who abused me.

I’ve not dated that many people online. It can certainly be hard to interpret intentions though. My worst experiences involved two men that I met and knew strictly offline. Maybe if autistic women go the online dating route, it’d be a good idea to talk for awhile before meeting in-person. Of course, meeting and hanging out in public places for the first several dates might be prudent too.

It's certainly possible, but be aware that you're falling in love with an online persona, not the complete person.

I am going to ask Richard at Day Program about if he can ask the guys at Day Program to invite me to their house

That will get the ball rolling!

Who is Richard?

It’s safer to go on dates in public places until you get to know the guy.

The owner of Community Compass Day Program

Yeah we should do public dates first like they said we were going to do

But it will be unsupervised meaning anything goes EXCEPT sex

Even then if we really hit it off maybe we could go to a hotel for a little fun before eventually going to his house!

They could get the wrong idea if you ask to go to their house right away. Maybe you could go out to eat, for a walk in a park, or something like that for the first date.

I’d strongly recommend getting to know them before going to their house or a hotel.

Well the "first dates" are facilitated by Community Compass Day Program

Then eventually I should be able to go to their houses or a hotel

If they have some way to facilitate first dates, I suggest you act according to their policies. But I hope you aren't telling people connected with that program that you're actively considering the possibility of having sex with one of the male participants. That could get probably get you banned from the program. I don't know that for a fact, but if I were personally connected in any way with that program, and a female participant went to a hotel with a male participant expressly to have sex with him, and it was suspected that I knew of this and hadn't take action to stop if from happening, I could be in legal trouble.

Don't get me wrong. I would be very happy for you to experience sex with a man. Personally, I don't think that being disabled necessarily "disqualifies" you from having sex. My family is involved with Special Olympics. I know of a couple in SO who were using the Family Restroom at the mall to have sex. I honestly don't know if what they were doing was wrong, but the general opinion was that they had to be stopped. IIRC, the woman's family convinced her that the guy was a jerk and so she wouldn't have sex with him any more.

Even so, the two people in the story I just told had known each other some time and were definitely in love. In your case, I wouldn't necessarily insist that you be in love with somebody before having sex with him, but I would take the process slowly and follow whatever guidance the people running the Day Program can offer.

Unfortunately, community standards don't AFAIK support counselling people in this situation on how to proceed if they've decided to have sex with each other. I believe the usual approach is to simply prevent if from happening. I'm not judging at all, I'm just saying I think this is what most people think is right.

Please please enjoy yourself, but stay out of trouble you don't need!

It doesn’t seem very likely that a day program would facilitate dating. It could lead to all sorts of legal issues.

Well she seems to think so, although I plead ignorance as to what's actually going on.

I'm not entirely sure what day program is. I'm guessing it's some kinda non government community group for disabled people but I could be wrong

Day program can refer to different types of programs. It can be a highly structured environment where people with disabilities are taught new skills, and it can also be more of a social place for people to hang out, play games, etc. Whatever the case may be, it’s always a “safe space” with trained and qualified staff. Maybe when she says facilitating dating, it’s more about just the socializing aspect of things - like when people get to know each other there, they might decide to start dating. Staff could help if problems or potential problems arise too. I think more than that would cross some boundaries and could pose legal risks.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 19 Feb 2024, 12:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.