Greetings from Brazil - Begging for advices.

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I'm Fernando, 43, I live in Brazil. I have 4 children, my oldest one is 19 years old.
Since he was a child my wife and I noticed he had something different. From our personal researches we asserted he had some level of Autism, perhaps Aspergers. Everything made sense from that perspective. And even when we put to practice the advises parents and experts gave out in the internet, everything worked.

The issue is, we faced many barriers as he grew up. Many people, including those who should've known better, kept saying that "he was normal". After a while we kind of gave up on working on it, after all, he was a normal boy.

As he grew up to become a young man, that's when the differences began to catch up, to a point where he has become quite dysfunctional in many things. And as parents, we are kind of stuck, not knowing how to help him now, that he is entering adulthood.

Does anybody there have any advises to give, any book, any literature we can read that will guide us to help our son, whom has just been diagnosed with Aspergers, at the age 19?

We are quite worried it's way too late to help him become a functional man. I love my son, and I worry about him day and night, but now I sense that we've hit a wall.


Best regards,

When I was growing up I'd get comfortable with things staying the same. But as you grow up some things have to change.

My parents didn't make a big deal about things. They just nudged things along.

They arranged for my first real job, at a relative's business. Of course, the work had to be something compatible with my mind...I was the assistant to the bookkeeper, who was my aunt.

When it was time that I should get a car Dad just took me out and helped me look at cars...I still had to pay for it.

Things like that were helpful.

welcome to Wrong Planet website/ chat/ message service Fernando. Not being there or actually knowing your son.
It would be hard.To offer the best advise. But this is a very good source for Research information . If you search through this site . Perhaps ,If you might be able to locate a Modern Psychological Therapist ,whom specializes in Autism/ Asperger's . Possibly would provide help
Searching through this site you might find things that could help medically aswell as Physically. Be very careful about using Psychological type medications that might affect him. Treating his condition with the best dietary methods might give some good responses in your sons situation.. Has he developed any particular interests? those things might help him have more calm times . ( there are supplements that might give some good responses) Class of supplements called Nootropics . Derived ( Made) from food substances .. If he has been raised with violent reactions to his mistakes ?
Rather than patient responses . He might be harder to help .
If you are patient and Research this site thoroughly .Going through the various threads and Forums here . It is a strong probability to find valuable reference information.. His body maybe dealing with a chronic high level of Inflammation
All through his system. Food supplements , including herbal capsules and some mushroom capsules or extracts that help ,or reduce inflammation. Might be a good starting point . ( Excusia , no soy medico) But much real life experience here [ agui]
If you do use vitamins and supplement to help,the situation,Use the best quality ,please follow the directions on the supplements .
And ( Y ) it might be a good idea to get him checked for other physcological conditions also ! (( ADHD ) ?)
Vios con Dios . Good luck with your situation. Hope what I have written might help.

Hi Fernando & a warm welcome to Wrongplanet to you. I have a friend in Sao Paulo who is on the spectrum & also works in the autism field, as have I & my daughter.

It’s something I spend alot of my time worrying over myself, as I have 3 adult children on the autism spectrum. Each has their own amazing abilities but there’s no denying the obstacles they face. If I may ask, what specifically worries you about your son? Eg Is it his vulnerability, or his anxiety, depression, Employment, ability to be self sufficient or other? If you can be specific, perhaps many of us here can offer personal insight &/or advice if you wish. Very best wishes.

Studying the diagnosis should help a lot more than a book.

Autism is hard because every diagnosis is different!
The diagnosis should tell you where he needs help.

Everyone is different in where they require assistance.
This forum can be useful once you know the problem areas.
But, we can't help unless those problems are known.

welcome, please don't give up hope. Have you talked to your son about your concerns? Or tried to find out what struggles and concerns he has for himself. Just letting him know that you care and that you want to help and support him could be very helpful. You could make progress together as a team. I did not get diagnosis until I was an elderly retired person. Getting therapy to learn healthy communication was the best thing I ever did for myself, long before I ever learned of my autism. Would your son agree to therapy or family counseling if he is having painful emotional struggles? You as parents could also seek counseling to learn ways to help him and to help yourselves find new ways to do "old things" in a healthier manner. We all adopt certain behavior and mind set in order to survive in this world and sometimes what we learn is not healthy. Having a counselor or therapist available can help us spot where we are having the worst problems and may be able to suggest new ways of doing so many things which could help us move forward in life. My heart goes out to you as parents, I have a disabled adult child, too. Patience, persistence, and always letting your son know how much you care for him and want to help him, will get you through. glad you are with us. There is a special section of the forums here just for parents. Hope you find what you need. <3

Welcome to WP!

Welcome Fernando. I am new here as well but I relate some to your story, as I also was raised under the impression I was normal, while still receiving many helpful autism-symptom-targeted parenting strategies. I am certain your son is better off from your dedication to helping him early in his life, and that is part of why your friends were able to think he never struggled. I think it is difficult for all kids and parents, a transition like this, but with autism there can be many additional challenges. Unfortunately it is true that the details really depend on what it is specifically that your son is struggling with, and how he feels about it. Even for book recommendations, it will matter what type of issue it is as many books are targeted to specific issues.

I think though, there is one thing that applies regardless. Don't give up! It is not too late. 19 is very young, I'm sure there were even many things about your own lives you were dissatisfied with then. He may be less open to your intervention than a younger child, but adults need support and can grow as well. The most important thing is that he does not give up, himself. As long as he believes it is possible, he will be able to figure out a way he is able to live his life that he can be satisfied with, even if it is a little different from other people's lives.

These are very good questions. What can I tell you about your son? I have Asperger's Syndrome (Aspies) and I am 75 years old.
Some people are different. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Some are good at playing sports, others are good in education. We all have +s and -s. But some people (Aspies) have ++s and --s. And some Aspies have +++++s and -----s. The important thing is for Aspies to learn how to use their +s to overcome their -s.

So help him grow in areas he is good at. If so he will develop a little later in life then most people. It takes time because he is developing a different brain.

Find out what his unique skills are and educate him in those areas. Some Aspies develop very high IQs. He may someday go to college and beyond. But protect him from the boys and young men that can drive him crazy.

Yes, it is very common for folks who are different to be bullied. Most of us on the spectrum are targets of bullies.
A few of us are lucky but most aren't.

You can't always protect the ones you love.
But you can be there for them to help them get through difficult times.

Welcome to WP