I can't keep female neurotypical friends

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Sexism, racism, etc. is often unintentional. Most people who are racist don’t think they are.

I have links to locked threads and screenshots I could post to demonstrate a general pattern of behavior. Why do you think you’ve had various threads locked and posts removed related to women/sexism?

I would argue because I am being misinterpreted. The overwhelming advice I am getting is "don't go there". But I think this dilutes and is against the spirit of free and open thought. But I will leave the rules to the moderators and minimise triggering folk who feel affronted.

It's simple, really. As has been noted, I'm a mean irate bastard, who is not put off by conflict. Just cos I don't care what you think doesn't mean I'm just gonna lie down and take it. I like doin' the dozens. And just cos your opinions don't hurt me personally, doesn't mean they don't affect others - and that's something I'm less ok with. Someone shares their opinion that "women are narcissists", I tend to feel inclined to share my opinion, too - "that's crap, and that's a crap thing to say".

Sure, you can bring up the way I talk to people, but I'm not the one whining about how people don't like me and women won't talk to me. I'm just a grumpy MFer sayin' what I think. I'm cool with that.

It's not like I'm chasing you around and disagreeing with you on every damn post you make, in every thread you post in. Don't even act like I got some personal axe to grind. You're hardly the only person I've spat flak at, either - this thread or otherwise.



That is technically true. While you did call young attractive women "narcissists", and blame them for men's struggles, you do not seem to have said they should NOT do any specific things. That command was reserved for the members here who you said should not do this or that.

And yes, we do live in a world where everyone has the autonomy to make their own decisions.

And reap the consequences of them, as well.

Technically I said the more attractive a woman is the more likely they will have narcissistic tendencies. I think the same applies to men too. But this thread was about keeping female NT friends. I have a lot of experience with female NTs. The original statement was based on my observations. Are my observations universal/transferable? I've already answered that question.

But to close one loop, I thought my observation might be useful to a young autistic male when approaching a female with the intention of making friends, or if they were wondering why some female friends no longer respond to their text messages. This does not prohibit or proscribe approaching an attractive woman but if things don't go to plan then at least it doesn't set up an unrealistic expectation.

There are a lot of paranoid people in the world who excessively interpret people's words as sexist or racist or whatever 'ist' or 'phobic' there may be, even when there was no sexism or racism intended.

I feel sorry for people who have to live like that. Their minds must be like a minefield, carefully navigating the torrid world of sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia etc.

I only really notice the obvious examples of bigotry personally, such as if somebody were to say:

"All women are stupid" (obviously untrue)

or

"All men are rapists" (also, obviously untrue).

Unless it is something obvious like that, I don't even register what very sensitive people might consider to be sexism or racism or whatever.

It's a bit like a Richter magnitude scale for me, the analogous earthquake has to at least be of medium strength before I notice something like sexism. If it is weak sexism, or something that might be interpreted as sexist, I really don't notice or care. Even if it is sexism against men.

I have never had issues in real life of being called a sexist or a misogynist, only by a couple of people historically on the internet.

I don't really give much credence to those people. #sorrynotsorry

^ That being said, I obviously try to avoid being purposefully sexist or misogynist. I'm not sure how a person can do anything but try... even if their written form isn't perfect.

Edit: I'll add to this post - I have done customer or people facing jobs for nearly 10 years as part of my work history and have never been accused of mansplaining or of being sexist or misogynist.

But you meet all kinds of people on the internet, that perhaps speak their minds more forcefully than in customer interactions, so maybe this is what people really think, I don't know?

Even on this forum, I think I have only been accused of mansplaining by a single member, lol.

Many folks on the spectrum seem to lack theory of mind, so that could be at work here. Sometimes when we personally aren't bothered by something, we have trouble understanding how someone else could be. Rather than be dismissive and call people "paranoid," it might help to try to see things from their point of view, especially when various members and moderation agree that specific comments and posts were sexist generalizations/mansplaining/othering and that it's not just an opinion voiced by one person although, even if it was, it would still be worthy of consideration.

Just because people offline never said they were offended doesn't mean that they weren't. In person, I tend to keep my views to myself because expressing them doesn't always feel safe. On WP, however, there are guidelines that members need to abide by. There are rules against sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia, etc. because this is a support forum and many people have experienced significant discrimination and/or bullying related to those very things. If people are unsure about what constitutes sexism (etc.) on WP, they might want to talk to a mod about it unless they don't mind having posts/threads removed, receiving warnings or bannings, or experiencing backlash.

Another point: racism and sexism most often aren't intended. People are typically unaware that their attitudes and beliefs are bigoted. It doesn't make it okay, and it doesn't make it appropriate for WP.

Well, I shall try to not be sexist or misogynist in any case.

I have a feeling that a couple of NT women might have turned against me at the flea market today. They're vendors. It's a dangerous world, no matter where I am. I have to watch my back at all times. I'll be keeping to myself from now on.

I am sorry to hear of your struggle with the NT women. I hope that you feel, and have cause to feel, more safe in the future.

That's absolutely a factor, especially when you consider how often the defence literally involves explaining that the person can't conceive of it as such and attempts to reinforce why their perspective must be valid.

If I yelp because you've stepped on my toes, you don't get to explain to me how it wasn't that hard and that maybe my toes are just too exposed and possibly even that it's my fault for having an ingrown toenail and being too sensitive as a result.

The person doesn't even need to 100% accept the feedback, just so long as they listen to it as though it's valid vs. trying to argue that it can't be. Growth would be nice, but even just not outright hostility at the suggestion it might be needed is a bare minimum starting place.

Maybe your motives are misinterpreted, but not your message. They're the sort of generalizations you would be uncomfortable with if you were part of the demographic in question.

I don't know if cyberdad wants me to reveal this, but I'm going to mention it anyway - cyberdad is self diagnosed as being autistic, but for all intents and purposes presents himself as NT to the world, and because of his success in doing so, feels that it would be disingenuous to present himself as autistic.

So I don't think he should be othered as being NT. He's at least half way to being one of us (an autistic).

It isn't really paranoid to understand a broader context. People don't always intend to be antagonistic, and when they don't intend on it they need to be all the more willing to be warned about it.

Andrew Tate doesn't give a s**t about being a misogynist, it makes no sense to warn him about it.

Other people do, so the feedback might actually be useful to them, so long as they consider it.

This seems 100% fair. I think a lot of us would non-expertly agree with that diagnosis, to the point that it's probably not relevant. I don't think any attempts at othering him would be very effective in this community, (I assume) he's long been assumed to be one of us.

One of us.
One of us.
One of us.

Just for the record here, in any case anyone might think otherwise:

I do not support in any way, any misogynistic influencer like Andrew Tate (I have read about him in the news media occasionally, but have never come into contact with his own content).

I am not a part of any misogynistic websites, under any pseudonym.

I believe in equality for women, even if the odd comment I have made as part of the thousands of posts I have made, might vaguely suggest otherwise if someone doesn't know me properly etc.

Last edited by blitzkrieg on 10 Mar 2024, 8:34 pm, edited 3 times in total.