radical honesty

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I'm not diagnosed, but it has been suggested to me that I am. My 19 year old son is diagnosed autistic.

Something he said to me the other day reminded me of myself. I don't remember his exact words, but he told me that he thinks most people lie -- a lot and about everything. I've believed that for as long as I can remember.

I would call myself radically honest. At least by nature. I just have no interest in deceiving anyone or in participating in the social games people play that almost always involve some form of dishonesty.

Clothes for instance are a form of lying to me. People wear what they do to portray an image to others. It may or may not be who they really are. The people in my life who've told me the lies that damaged me the most were wearing suits, had impeccable haircuts and grooming, and sat there straight up lying to me and being confident about it. My default assumption about well dressed people is that they are going to try to manipulate me.

I've learned to lie and get away with it, both in what I wear and in what I say and don't say. It always amazes me that it works. It makes me feel bad, but I went through a period where I had to have a job and had to make money, and I had to do and say what it took to get it done.

So, does this "radical honesty" fit with your experience? And do you think lying is just the normal course of social interaction?

I grew up with a similar mindset. I would value logical consistency in everyday conversation and had a thick filter for what I would or wouldn't say.

Then you realize that nobody really operates this way or that people don't really socialize in this manner.

What annoys me is that in order to "get along with people" .. not everyone for certain but a business-like transaction at all .. to tell the truth is very detrimental. I try to avoid those situations now.

I am frustrated when I am honest and people keep asking me, or try to search for my ulterior motive, or true meaning. I said this three times now consistently. It would satisfy a police officer. Let it go.

So yeah, I think the ability to lie is a mistake of evolution.

I hate lying.
There are times when I decide that lying is the best option and I make myself do it, but it doesn't come naturally. Generally my default mode is complete honesty.
I sometimes regret this later when I realize I told someone something I really didn't want them to know, or that was a little more personal than was appropriate. But that's just how I naturally talk.
Overall, I think the world would be much better if everyone was a lot more honest with each other.

I hate being dishonest in any way whether it's through words or the way I dress. Unfortunately, you have to gloss things over in today's fickle society. I'm very honest about myself on WP right down to my avatar. Too bad that's no longer the case in the real world.

yes, very direct, very outspoken and could not understand why people were offended.
All my life.
Diagnosis has given me better self understanding and I am learning new and better ways to communicate, to live my life as I continue to gain insights into myself, autism and how it works in me and how my behavior and actions appear to others.
its a work in progress.

I don't like lies either, and grew up thinking that only bad people were dishonest. That's what everybody said. But I found out that being totally honest put me at a disadvantage when others were competing against me, and my mother restricted my freedom so much that if I hadn't done things behind her back, I'd have had a miserable childhood. So these days I tend to think that it's a matter of deciding whether the other person has a right to the truth or not, but it still goes against my grain to lie. There's also something in the idea that being brutally honest can do a lot of harm. I handle that by committing "sins of omission" rather than blatantly lying, i.e. I don't necessarily blurt out whatever occurs to me, I use some discretion, but I rarely say anything that I think is completely untrue. I think the concept of the white lie has some validity.

I will lie if I have to, but it really goes against my grain. I would never lie to gain some advantage or to have people think better of me just because I can. I would do it if I had to, for instance to be able to keep a job, or to avoid trouble, and to spare someone's feelings.