not sure if being abused

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hi everybody, completely new to this site and a bit afraid to post.

i can’t seem to figure out if what i’m experiencing is abuse.

my family lately has had really negative energy and i’m not sure why, or if it’s something i’m making up in my head. i feel like i’m going crazy, but i cannot shake this feeling that i’m being hated on.

today as an example: my family (older brother and mom, im the youngest) were discussing if they would rent out my room and move me into the attic. they were doing this without my input. i was like “hey guys is there someone you forgot to ask?” and they got upset at me for wanting to be asked if i’m comfortable with moving. they know i’m really sensitive to disregulation. and it wasn’t so much that i was probably going to move my room, i just wanted to be included. afterwards, i asked if there were any issues between us or if they wanted to communicate something i didn’t know about, but they said there’s nothing wrong.

to a more severe example of this: my brother dated someone who did not enjoy being around autistics. there was this same energy: me being left out of conversations and told that everything was fine, that i’m overthinking. well low and behold it seems like he was extremely upset at me, and that i was a big part of why him and his gf broke up. that she disliked me so much they couldn’t date anymore. i STILL don’t understand how any of that happened. it’s a common occurrence that this happens while he’s in a relationship, and he just recently got into another one. that might be why this is happening again.

my mom has been incredibly upset at me for not cleaning more than i can handle. i have really low energy, and struggle with executive function in burnout. she doesn’t accept autism as an “excuse” for not cleaning more. i really am so exhausted and hurt. she has also been asking for money i’ve saved for school, but i’m afraid that she’s trying to control me financially so i won’t give any up.

i’ve also previously posted about this on other forums and somehow my family found it and got really angry at me. i’m scared to post this, because they won’t approve. but i really don’t know who to talk to about this with because i only have a few friends, and they’re also friends with my brother.

he’s accused me of always nitpicking his behavior when i have an issue with how his actions affect me, but i’m just trying to communicate and understand if something is wrong. every time i ask for reassurance i’m told i’m overreacting. it’s hard to get through a whole conversation about this because he’ll just say he’s done and walk away. we never get anywhere.

we had this big fight about how i am using autism as an excuse to be abusive, but couldn’t name any specific ways i had abused him. i still feel like there is something i did wrong, but i don’t know what it is!

the thing is, when i have the feeling that something is off, i am usually right. but it doesn’t seem too severe, right? i’m going back to school in the fall and i can’t wait to get out of here because it’s all so confusing.

Hi and welcome to WP. I am also quite new here.

I feel really very sorry for you. You are very young and that's why I am affraid to give you any advice..even to say too much what I think. I hope someone more experienced or someone who is longer on this forum and who talked earler to young people, will step in and try to help you..

I can only say that I think that both your mother and your brother don't really understand you nor do they really understand autism or at least your kind of autism. Is there any chance that all three of you go to family counseling, especially if there are counseling for families who have autistic member? Do you have close relatives who can talk with your family about this?