Did your parents/teachers try to punish you for not being...

Post Reply New Topic

For not being "normal"? Like, maybe for stimming or having meltdowns? Why do they do that?

Yeah, I get in trouble a LOT due to that, yelled at and scolded and such. Then they wonder why I wanna be in my room all day. =P
Also, I think why they do it is due to reactionary impluses. Deviation from the norm is perceived as scary to them, fear, the origin of reaction. They may also do it to try and coerce us into accepting the status quo, which is anti-neurodivergent by nature.

My parents never TRIED to punish me, they DID punish me for things outside my control. (as did teachers and even other students when I was in elementary school)

I mean sort of. I get snapped at and yelled at sometimes and kind of ignored when I don't respond to certain things they way they expect. I'm not breaking rules or being mean but they interpret some of the stuff I do as rude or "talking back" or being a smart ass.

I would say they "punish" me by treating me negatively and also I used to get punished by having my toys taken from me or my books or coloring pens. Mostly for "talking back" until my mom learned more about autism and talked to my teachers about it. Then it she kinda learned what I meant and I don't get in trouble when she realizes the way I said things and what I said didn't have some secret meaning that was a jab.

My resource room teacher would come down really hard on me every time I had the type of meltdown that I cried. She'd tell me that I couldn't go back to my next class until I stopped crying. My mum came down hard on me as well. I hated myself and I hated my emotions and I hated that I was the only person in my class or my family who had those emotions and I was self-medicating with coffee each morning until very recently out of fear of those emotions showing, especially in front of the older of my two friends who's in her early 70s.

What am I going to self-medicate with now? I know. Work! I can self-medicate by working on my hobbies and doing lots of house work.

Back in high school, I had a case manager who was an autism specialist who did not like me. The main reason was that I was very outspoken. However, she wasn't a very nice person to begin with who lacked empathy.

Examples:
1. If I would start laughing, she would send me to sit in the quiet room
2. She criticized me for being absent from school and missing classes when I had the flu.
3. One time, our life skills group made breakfast in one of the cooking classes. When we sat down, she walked around asking us which juice that she wanted. When I tried to tell her, she decided to nag at me about how I should eat fruit and how I should try one of them on my plate that was very expensive. After that, she walked off and refused to serve me. I was extremely upset too.

Yes. Until very recently that was the "treatment" for people with developmental disorders: just punish them for acting like they have a developmental disorder until you can't see the disorder anymore. I remember teachers grabbing me by the shoulders and shouting "look me in the eyes" until I did. One time I got banned from using mechanical pencils because I would fidget with them and that obviously meant I wasn't listening to the lesson (sarcasm). Any time I got dysregulated it would be treated as intentional misbehavior, and for a while I just assumed I was a bad person for having emotions. It's only recently that people have started to see developmental disorders as differences to be accommodated rather than a problem to be fixed.

I was in trouble in school a lot. I don’t even remember why. Usually for moving when I was supposed to be still, or talking out of turn. Things like that.

Punishment is supposed to change behavior.
It often does not involve empathy.
Part of the challenge of being a teacher is so many kids to try to manage at once.

No.
It's the opposite even.

They knew that punishing me, forcing me to do things, or humiliating me will aggravate me further which makes things worse for everyone.

As a child I'm too hostile.
My anxiety then manifests in an aggressively violent manner -- When I'm stressed or triggered, I do not fawn or freeze.
Whenever I'm provoked for 'any reason', I straight up fight and will fight back consequences be damned.

But I'm not someone who needs academic support and behavioral management.

Teachers and parents know better that I do not start any trouble or disrupt any class unless provoked.
They knew I can learn and participate independently provided that there are no bullies to drive me into dysregulation -- and that they're not bullies themselves.

So they tend to butter me up instead.
"Reasoning" with me with assurances or "goading" my pride by challenging me works with me than any 'fear' or 'threat'.

Lenient enough to let me sleep several hours a day in class. To a point they won't bother me since calling me meant answering whatever's being asked.
Can afford to keep up with the lessons 'despite' that, and they all see that I'm not a slow writer and learner.

I stand out, but not in a particularly disruptive way.

The only times I've been actively disruptive was when I got mental health issues that made me sensory intolerant -- either yelling or walking out.
The issue did not last for few years for me -- that behavior faded because the issue faded.


But they still fail to address the problem because they really don't know what to do with me.
No one so far knows how to actually stimulate me to learn.


So my school life is more like...
The complete opposite treatment, really.
Mixed levels of enabling. Not that I 'abuse' the leniency.

And they're the ones who's walking in eggshells -- not the other way around. Even in high school. Even in college maybe.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.