Sick and tired of identity politics

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Man. You used up your good faith when you painted me the way you did. And it was to slander me. I would like to build bridges, you can't even see across the damn river.

My plan? You and I seem to be on the same damn page and i would like to move forward and navigate in the landscape that is before us. What the hell is your plan?

I never defended the Serbian atrocities. That's a rather weird claim.

I face prejudice because I have autism and I feel like I stand no chance in my home country of three million. It needs to change. I want to abolish the Dayton system, end Republic of Srpska, separate religion from politics to prevent nationalist identity politics, purge the nationalist factions such as SDA, HDZ, SNSD, and SDS. I'm pretty sure that I want change and that I'm aware of the prejudice. I don't know what makes you think that I'm not when I already am crying for help and craving for one person who would understand me and finally put an end to my social starvation.

Well, I am working on erasing them from my memory. Two months have passed. Once I find a real-life replacement who is truly virtuous, then I will finally be set free. Otherwise I would just keep advocating for radical change.

You'll get prejudice and negative reactions to autistic traits pretty much anywhere in the world. Some aspies who relocate to places like Japan might have a better time because Japanese people are very polite And many of their quirks will just be written off as "foreign," so they don't tend to get as much social backlash. I've never been there - but I've read that a coupe times and it makes sense.

3 Million is a lot of people. You'll never even meet most of them. You don't have to stand a chance with 3 Million. You'll probably only ever really meet maybe 30,000 or something, and interact with a fraction of them. No need to think about facing every one of them in some sort of social tournament or something.

You know what's way easier and realistic than changing everything about the society you live in? Moving to a different society. Seriously. If you have tons of complaints about the society you live in, it's way more realistic to just find a different society you like better and relocate there than it is to somehow magically change everything you don't like about the people & systems around you. It'd be a way healthier internet obsession to research potential candidate places to relocate to, too.

That last bit may be very factual, but it also sounds like desperation.. which is unattractive and thus unlikely to bring a friend or partner into your life. We can't just go looking for and finding a friend, usually, or a significant other. We have to attract those people into our lives by making ourselves more attractive. Mentally, physically, attitude/personality, fashion, self care/grooming etc. The way to go about it is by working on yourself and becoming more and more like someone that someone wants to befriend or date vs. someone who's depressed or anxious or negative that repels others with their negative energy.

1. I don't need 3 million people or 30,000 to understand me. It's one person who truly will understand me and be there for me.

2. It is true that self-care is what is needed if we are ever to go positive. Maybe I am going through a phase and I hope that it's a phase of grievance that I'm experiencing and that it doesn't become a lifelong issue for me.

3. It would have been easy to move out but my family isn't upper class. Barely even maintaining two flats, paying thousands for my schooling in a private high school, I don't think it would be easy to just move out and start life somewhere else due to how expensive it has gotten.

4. So what you're saying is that I shouldn't make the first move and let others come to me? How does that work? How long will I be silent until someone notices me?

I guess I’m just confused by comments like this:

People are eager and willing to help. It’s just a bit challenging when you’ve had multiple posts/threads recently which were deeply problematic to trans folks - sometimes on a basic human rights level. It definitely sucks to lose a friendship. I think most of us have lost friendships because we made mistakes and needed to learn and grow in one way or another. It seems to be part of the human experience. Being able to learn from this stuff is a good thing, but one needs to be open to learning.

Is it okay then if everyone else misunderstands you and avoids you?  What happens when that 1 person no longer wants anything to do with you?As long as your self-esteem depends on the support of just ONE person, you will be prone to a lifetime of negativity, especially if that one person "dumps" you.All else being equal, women (and people in general) are more likely to show interest in a man who lives independently (e.g., without support from his parents).You have it all wrong. The key to drawing the interest of others is to become an interesting person to them -- to attract interest, you must first be interesting.

Sitting there like a lump on a log will likely not get you noticed; and if you are noticed, it will not be for very long. Cultivate some skills and talents -- useful skills and talents.  Baking is a useful skill, and playing an instrument is a useful talent, to give you two examples.

In other words, become the kind of person that YOU find interesting. All else being equal women (and people in general) will gravitate toward an interesting person and shun the person who does nothing but complain about lost relationships.

Yeah, I live in a country where three generations live in one space. If my country's culture is insulting to the liberal appeal of living independently, just know that we had the potential to progress until nationalism from Serbia dragged us into a backwards hellhole.

I mean, I do tend to draw something. The problem is that it's communist theme and yeah, that's not really gonna help if I draw something communist even if I like drawing that...

I have a family. I want like a small circle, not everyone to be part of it but like a circle of those close to me such as my family.

1. Ok. A friend is enough, but it's nice to have more than one or a group of friends/social circle. I have more friends & acquaintances than I ever care to make time to hang out with.. but when many of us are at the beach, I can hangout with whoever depending on my mood and theirs. I've also had very close friends I've spent a lot of time with one on one over the years, several of them. Most are still good friends our lives just changed and we don't see each other all the time like we used to. So there's those types of friends, too. etc etc. But you'll start with your first friend and then maybe you make more later.

2. Time heals all. Especially if we make efforts to heal over time instead of just dwelling on things.. but in general, we tend to get over things in time.

3. Poor people still relocate, sometimes to expensive places.. they survive. Sometimes as refugees with a few government handouts, but mostly through determination and hard work. But yes, the whole world has gotten a lot more expensive and it can limit some options.

4. Sorta, something like that, yes. You Might make the first move and introduce yourself if you notice someone interested in talking to you.. but in general the idea is that if you want a friend/partner then you need to become a person that someone wants to befriend or date so that you attract them to you. People can't just decide to "find," a friend or partner and go looking for one and just stumble across them like a lost puppy or something. Things happen much more organically than that - especially when it comes to a romantic partner vs. friend. The way to go about it is to become more attractive in every way. Healthy diet, exercise, water, rest, hobbies, skills, interests, self care/grooming/fashion etc. Hit the gym, have FUN doing something you enjoy, join a group with shared interests/hobbies etc and Be someone people around you Want to get to know and be around, talk with, hang out with, eat/drink/play etc. Then those things tend to happen. But if you're miserable and desperate for attention/connection, then even without saying a word that negative energy is sensed by others and they don't really want to be around you, spend time with you, get to know you etc.. hence the needing to spend time and energy focused on becoming a happier healthier more attractive you.

It works via the mysterious powers of social magic that NT's are intuitively in tune with and we on the spectrum are not. Which is why I need to explain these things to you.. because they don't come natural to you.

There's no way to know how long. Definitely some luck at play. You could be in a fantastic mood next Saturday and go out to do something you enjoy and someone else happens to be around and sees you having fun and decides to engage you in conversation about how long you've been doing ___whatever you're doing for fun___ and one thing leads to another and you decide to schedule a meet-up with them to do ~whatever again together the next Saturday. You get along, you made a friend. Or, maybe you do various forms of self work for your mindset, body, social skills etc every couple days for weeks or months, maybe even a year or ??? and then someday you're feeling particularly Good and someone happens to notice your happiness, strikes up a conversation with you, and by the end of the conversation you're both feeling like you've made a new friend. Who knows ?

But in general people attract others into their lives vs. force them into their lives somehow.. and you attract people by being an ever better person than you were. Get healthy, happy, strong, talented, skilled, productive, have interests/hobbies etc etc and just generally Be the type of person someone would want to be around and then.. *magic* there's people around you.

Liberal appeal of living independently?  Far from it!  Living in a communal environment -- even in a single, multi-generational dwelling -- where all resources are shared and there is no privacy is my idea of 'liberal' living.

How long ago did Serbia "drag" you into a "backwards hellhole"?  29 years, perhaps?  Are they still doing it, or is this just another excuse for inaction?

Last edited by Fnord on 02 Apr 2024, 11:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Fnord is also from another generation, never mind country. He's recently retired and worked during a generation when people could get their own homes with relative ease at a young age so long as they worked and had job. Now, many locations on the West Coast of North America are so expensive that it's 2-3 generations in the same family home and young people cannot easily afford their own home. Many working professionals can truly only afford to rent a bedroom in shared accommodations with roommates these days. There isn't nearly the same percent of people living independently Today as there has been in decades and generations past.

Valid points.

However, I now live in a "Third-World" country where two, three, or even four generations under one roof is not at all unusual, even for the upper economic classes -- it is simply part of their culture, and they see nothing "wrong" with it.

Personally, being something of a conservative (e.g., selfish b*st*rd), I enjoy MY privacy in MY home on MY piece of land, while eating MY food and drinking MY wine . . . et cetera.

The joy of sharing with others is MY choice -- it is not imposed on me by family (except my wife), my neighbors, or my community.  And it is a joy, when done for special occasions.  If forced by circumstances to do it every day, it would no longer be such a joy.

The key point is to work your butt off while you are still young, save what you can, move out when you can, live a life of your own, and support your own spouse and children without any support from your other relatives. That, my friend, is my idea of success.

You seem to assume that every leftist is a liberal and yet you claim that individual freedom is a wise choice which is something liberalism in theory is supportive of. There is no inaction. Too long has passed. It's time for sacrifice by blood and tears to bring back Yugoslavia and avenge the fallen socialist state, destroyed by nationalism, Balkanized by both nationalism and liberalism.

There will be no more "identity politics" BS. I've been pushed too much to the point where I have lost all faith for humanity. Now I want nothing but death and dishonor for nationalism.