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Reasons women do not date us!

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Jamesy
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29 Mar 2024, 1:38 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
BTDT wrote:
Most guys here don't pick up the non-verbal clues that suggest they should ask for dates.

THEY COULD BE SCREAMING and we wouldn't have a clue.



Do autistic women have to pick up on verbal clues from men?


Yes.
Autistic women are also prone to struggling to form both friendships and romantic relationships. This isn't a strictly gendered issue even if gendered expectations and orientation are factors.



Valentine’s Day 2014 at a nightclub this girl and her friend approached me. Her friend said to me “my friend really fancies you do you want to dance with her”. Me being me I just stood there awkward and shy so they quickly moved on.


That sort of thing really does not happen often to guys does it because the expectations are we have to approach first


Women are less likely to make the first move, but this is an admission it does happen, even to you personally.

Your non-response was likely taken as disinterest, as it would be if the tables were turned.




I was not disinterested though I just felt nervous and shy.


People should not jump to conclusions that I am disinterested just because I don’t take the initiative.



Jamesy
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29 Mar 2024, 1:41 pm

Christmas 2013 at a house party this drunk girl sat on my lap and even gave me her number. I did not respond to her text the following day because I was not interested.

Eh last time something like that will happen to me



TwilightPrincess
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29 Mar 2024, 1:41 pm

^^ People are free to do whatever they like. We can’t control their reaction. We can only try to adjust our behavior/approach to ensure more success in the future.


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funeralxempire
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29 Mar 2024, 1:43 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
Yeah, this. Dating seems to be difficult for all genders on the spectrum given our difficulties with social skills.


And it's not just dating but relationships of all sorts, at least from what I can see.

I struggle to form bonds with most other males. I feel like if I was gay finding partners would be even harder because even if I struggle to notice interest from women, I at least feel drawn towards socializing with women so there's eventually a chance the topic will come up.

I wonder if for a lot of male NDs, if they don't share that draw towards socializing with women, if that adds a major additional problem for them in the same way that I struggle to make and maintain friendships with guys.


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Jamesy
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29 Mar 2024, 1:43 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
^^ People are free to do whatever they like. We can’t control their reaction. We can only try to adjust our behavior/approach to ensure more success in the future.



There will not be any success in the future because no woman will approach me again.



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29 Mar 2024, 1:46 pm

Why do you say that


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funeralxempire
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29 Mar 2024, 1:47 pm

Jamesy wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Jamesy wrote:


Valentine’s Day 2014 at a nightclub this girl and her friend approached me. Her friend said to me “my friend really fancies you do you want to dance with her”. Me being me I just stood there awkward and shy so they quickly moved on.


That sort of thing really does not happen often to guys does it because the expectations are we have to approach first


Women are less likely to make the first move, but this is an admission it does happen, even to you personally.

Your non-response was likely taken as disinterest, as it would be if the tables were turned.




I was not disinterested though I just felt nervous and shy.


People should not jump to conclusions that I am disinterested just because I don’t take the initiative.


People shouldn't, but they do. One has to accommodate reality instead of just complaining that they don't like how things work.

People don't want to appear like desperate creeps, so if they read something as disinterest they withdraw.

This is one of the things we (autists) seem to struggle with. We miss cues for interest and we miss cues for disinterest. When we miss the former we miss opportunities, when we miss the latter we come off as creeps or desperate.


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Last edited by funeralxempire on 29 Mar 2024, 1:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

TwilightPrincess
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29 Mar 2024, 1:47 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
TwilightPrincess wrote:
Yeah, this. Dating seems to be difficult for all genders on the spectrum given our difficulties with social skills.


And it's not just dating but relationships of all sorts, at least from what I can see.

I struggle to form bonds with most other males. I feel like if I was gay finding partners would be even harder because even if I struggle to notice interest from women, I at least feel drawn towards socializing with women so there's eventually a chance the topic will come up.

I wonder if for a lot of male NDs, if they don't share that draw towards socializing with women, if that adds a major additional problem for them in the same way that I struggle to make and maintain friendships with guys.

I think it could be.

I suspect that limiting one’s interactions to males could contribute towards othering which would make things even more difficult when it comes to relationships with women. Men and women often have notions regarding other genders that aren’t true, so sometimes solely hanging out with one’s own gender could perpetuate those myths.

Forming friendships with women could lead to a relationship.


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Jamesy
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29 Mar 2024, 1:49 pm

babybird wrote:
Why do you say that



It’s been a good 10 years since a woman flirted with me sexually and gave me her number :(

I just can’t see my situation changing even though I am social and go out nothing like that has happened since.



Last edited by Jamesy on 29 Mar 2024, 1:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

babybird
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29 Mar 2024, 1:51 pm

Yeah it seems like you do struggle a bit in this area.


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Jamesy
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29 Mar 2024, 1:54 pm

babybird wrote:
Yeah it seems like you do struggle a bit in this area.



Women dont approach and flirt me with me a physical way ever these days

The last time I kissed a woman was in 2018 :roll:



Last edited by Jamesy on 29 Mar 2024, 1:57 pm, edited 2 times in total.

funeralxempire
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29 Mar 2024, 1:55 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:
I suspect that limiting one’s interactions to males could contribute towards othering which would make things even more difficult when it comes to relationships with women. Men and women often have notions regarding other genders that aren’t true, so sometimes solely hanging out with one’s own gender could perpetuate those myths.

Forming friendships with women could lead to a relationship.


Definitely agree with both of those. A portion of my relationships started as friends, to fwb, to relationship.

But also, if one only hangs out with guys, and those guys talk about women the way guys often do when they're alone, one will be building a very inaccurate picture of how to approach and get to know women.


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TwilightPrincess
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29 Mar 2024, 1:56 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
This is one of the things we (autists) seem to struggle with. We miss cues for interest and we miss cues for disinterest. When we miss the former we miss opportunities, when we miss the latter we come off as creeps or desperate.

I think this stuff has been the most difficult for me when it comes to dating apart from abusive situations, obviously. Sometimes I’ll pick up on hints after the fact and then realize that I probably didn’t appear to reciprocate any interest. My problem is a combination of autism and shyness.


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Jamesy
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29 Mar 2024, 2:06 pm

My youger brother said to me in school in regards to my lack of a girlfriend “We could get you some deformed girl”



TwilightPrincess
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29 Mar 2024, 2:07 pm

Jamesy wrote:
My youger brother said to me in school in regards to my lack of a girlfriend “We could get you some deformed girl”

That was an awful thing to say, but kids can be cruel sometimes.


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funeralxempire
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29 Mar 2024, 2:10 pm

Jamesy wrote:
My youger brother said to me in school in regards to my lack of a girlfriend “We could get you some deformed girl”


I feel like he managed to insult both you and the hypothetical girl in one move.


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