Reasons women do not date us!

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blitzkrieg
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29 Mar 2024, 2:57 pm

Jamesy wrote:

blitzkrieg wrote:

Given that social skills are required to initiate relations with women (or men from a woman's perspective), and that in western culture at least, it is generally the guy who pursues the women in any dating scenario, it is no surprise that autistic men have little dating success with women.

Unless you are lucky and have women asking you out which can and does happen less commonly.... then you might be stuck in a barren desert in terms of dating for a while.

I wouldn't take it personally. It happens in differing levels of severity to most autistic dudes and I am sure, and to some autistic women as well.

That’s unfair that men are expected to pursue women thought isn’t it?

It's not unfair, it's just the way it is.

Exceptions to this general trend are of course, evident, anywhere where people date.

I was asked out by my first girlfriend. I was asked out by (and I rejected the offer) a girl from high school.

Mostly after that, any success that I had in my twenties was initiated by me, pursuing women.

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29 Mar 2024, 3:01 pm

A lot of men are very pushy when approaching women, always "trying to score" at every opportunity. To counter that in a proactive way women tend to treat approaching men with suspicion. As an autistic man you can use your more reserved and less insistent personality to your advantage by simply not playing that game. You treat women you find attractive friendly, show interest in them and play out any charm you've got but refrain from any attempts to advance any further. By not having to worry about "how to make a move" it easier to be relaxed and make a good impression. In my experience that will make women take down their guard and ask themselves: "Do I find this man attractive?" If they find you attractive they will give you a hint and if you don't pick up on that they will get you a stronger hint or make a move themselves.

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TwilightPrincess
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29 Mar 2024, 3:36 pm

BillyTree wrote:

A lot of men are very pushy when approaching women, always "trying to score" at every opportunity. To counter that in a proactive way women tend to treat approaching men with suspicion.

Yeah, I’ve had so many unpleasant experiences with that stuff from even before I was 18 that I tend to be wary of people who use the cold approach at all unless it’s a mutual thing. I typically prefer being friends with someone first. Based on his previous experiences over the years, it might be a good idea for Jamesy to focus on having more friends, especially female ones. A friendship could turn into a relationship or he could meet a friend of a friend.

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Jamesy
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29 Mar 2024, 3:37 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:

BillyTree wrote:

A lot of men are very pushy when approaching women, always "trying to score" at every opportunity. To counter that in a proactive way women tend to treat approaching men with suspicion.

Yeah, I’ve had so many unpleasant experiences with that stuff from even before I was 18 that I tend to be wary of people who use the cold approach at all unless it’s a mutual thing. I typically prefer being friends with someone first. Based on his previous experiences, it might be a good idea for Jamesy to focus on having more friends, especially female ones. A friendship could turn into a relationship or he could meet a friend of a friend.

I heard in some cases when an autistic man tries go on a date with an NT woman there can be brutal misunderstandings

babybird
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29 Mar 2024, 3:39 pm

What do you mean by brutal

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Nades
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29 Mar 2024, 3:40 pm

Jamesy wrote:

TwilightPrincess wrote:

BillyTree wrote:

A lot of men are very pushy when approaching women, always "trying to score" at every opportunity. To counter that in a proactive way women tend to treat approaching men with suspicion.

Yeah, I’ve had so many unpleasant experiences with that stuff from even before I was 18 that I tend to be wary of people who use the cold approach at all unless it’s a mutual thing. I typically prefer being friends with someone first. Based on his previous experiences, it might be a good idea for Jamesy to focus on having more friends, especially female ones. A friendship could turn into a relationship or he could meet a friend of a friend.

I heard in some cases when an autistic man tries go on a date with an NT woman there can be brutal misunderstandings

Most women I dated have been NT and for the most part misunderstandings are minor or if there is a misunderstanding, it's usually revealing that they're not worth my time.

Jamesy
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29 Mar 2024, 3:41 pm

babybird wrote:

What do you mean by brutal

Yeah I didn’t really mean brutal

First chance I had to get a girlfriend who I met through a friend at college but I rejected her like the idiot I was

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29 Mar 2024, 3:42 pm

Well don't torture yourself about it

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Jamesy
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29 Mar 2024, 3:45 pm

babybird wrote:

Well don't torture yourself about it

What could have been

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29 Mar 2024, 3:51 pm

You can't go back though Jamesy so there's no point in living on what could have beens

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Jamesy
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29 Mar 2024, 3:54 pm

babybird wrote:

You can't go back though Jamesy so there's no point in living on what could have beens

You can only go forward

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29 Mar 2024, 3:55 pm

That's the spirit.

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nick007
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29 Mar 2024, 4:45 pm

funeralxempire wrote:

Jamesy wrote:

Maybe he’s right the last girl who wanted to date me in 2017 had dwarfism.

I'm pretty sure I wouldn't even see that as a negative. :heart:

Same here. I'd probably find her cute but to be fair I find most any woman cute if she's nice & sweet towards me :drunken:

blitzkrieg wrote:

I got in my relationships by the women making a direct move. Only my first was NT thou but she was dyslexic & had ADHD & we became best friends before she told me she liked me as more than a friend.

Jamesy wrote:

I heard in some cases when an autistic man tries go on a date with an NT woman there can be brutal misunderstandings

I tend to have brutal misunderstandings with people in general. The issue I have with NT women is that I'm too direct & straightforward for them & we have more misunderstandings like they find something I said or did offensive or rude or I took them literally when they told me they just wanted to be friends & they got mad when I mentioned being on a dating site or trying to pursue another dating opportunity. I have LOTS of misunderstandings with my current girlfriend but she sometimes gets distracted or confused or forgets due to ADHD or she mishears or speaks gibberish. She realizes the problem is usually on her end & I expect misunderstandings with her so we laugh & I find it cute or at worst a tad annoying.

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Jamesy
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29 Mar 2024, 4:47 pm

When I got my nose broken boxing in 2015 my brother remarked “With that nose no girl will ever touch you”

nick007
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29 Mar 2024, 4:52 pm

Jamesy wrote:

When I got my nose broken boxing in 2015 my brother remarked “With that nose no girl will ever touch you”

Your bro is one to talk cuz he's a giant a$$ :lol:

I bet some women would be turned on by the idea of you being a boxer.

blitzkrieg
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29 Mar 2024, 5:03 pm

nick007 wrote:

I got in my relationships by the women making a direct move. Only my first was NT thou but she was dyslexic & had ADHD & we became best friends before she told me she liked me as more than a friend.

I would categorise a person with ADHD and dsylexia as being neurodivergent (ND) rather than NT.

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