Home Birth

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has anyone here had a home birth that would like to pass on any advice?

After a very upsetting meeting with my consultant, who reassured me that the hospital would 'normalise' me, I want to pull out entirely of the hospital. I never wanted to go to hospital anyway, but was bullied by worried family, and now that I know they will not cater for my needs, I have lost interest.

So anyone have any thoughts or experience?

Aria

I had both of my children in the hospital.
The advantage of being in a hospital, that if something goes wrong they have an emergency room right away. If you do it in your bath tab, it is very easy to bleed to death.
In fact, while I was at the hospital, there was a woman next room, who was brought there exausted and almost dead after trying to get a baby in the bathtub for couple days.
No one tried to normalize me ath the hospital. In addition I do not think aspies have a special way of giving birth. Different hole in a diffrent spot of the body?

I gave birth to my son at home, aged 36, with just a midwife, the father, and that's it.

I had managed to avoid hospitals, clinics, tests, visits etc until about 2 weeks before i thought it was probably due, at which point I asked someone for the tel no of the midwife they had used, went for 2 blood tests, and one squidgy scanner thing ( forgotten name for it ), had two prep sessions with midwife, in which got as far as imagining the first half , contractions, but not the pushing, ... and then labour started.

It went fine. I was out of it on natural opiates for last stages. My body had obviously already been making them for a few days because when lay down on bed for exam by midwife 4 days before and, misjudging distance to wall, gave head an audible serious thump it hardly hurt.

Worst part of it all was having a baby to look after afterwards. It would have been good if it could have stayed in there till old enough to look after itself; because my BODY knew how to care for it perfectly, whereas my mind was totally and completely and utterly and wholly LOST.

The birth was easy in comparison. Simple. Straightforward. Logical.

Was a bit laid low by "wound" afterwards. That was a deeply frightening affront to my sense of my body, its boundaries. But that would have been the same at hospital; I would still have had to dress it myself after first couple of days.

But i am 1000% sure that hospital would have been insupportable. It would have disempowered me , taken away my privacy, been noisy, noisy, noisy, strangers, strange routines, medical instruments, doctors... horror.

I stayed home and it was good. I recommend it.

There is an association in France for liberty of birthing, so there might be where you are, to at least phone up for advice. I never got in touch with the one here. it just helped to know it was there, and that other people gave birth at home, and that it was perfectly ok. Good Luck!

PS: it's good to know beforehand about breathing; "roaring" more like, because it helps enormously!

Unfortunately I am in Ireland rather than france, but I really appreciate hearing a successful story. Thanks!!



As for the hospital? I am quite aware that the birthing process works the same for Aspies. I just had a few concerns about sensory issues and strangers in teh hospital, and the specialist totally put me down, so much so tat I arrived home in tears.
I don't want to have a baby in the bath, I want to have a baby in my home with a home mid-wife in attendance, supplied by the Health Board of my area, should they deem me to be a safe applicant, which I suspect they will.

Didn't mean to sound patronising. Was because i got so much rubbish off people in france about how i couldn't possibly have it at home, that giving birth was too difficult and complicated etc, so i thought that that might be your concern.

I hope you get a midwife for home birth. I now realise that virtually all of the reasons why i definitely did not want to give birth in hospital were connected to "aspieness". Which is weird.

But yes, i think most hospitals involve automatically many of the things many "aspies" hate. I am so glad i stayed away from the system till last moment because if had connected up with it before, for tests etc, i might have been unable to extricate myself with out making scenes. as it was, nobody from medical establishment knew about my pregnancy until the last minute ! ! We said i had been travelling, which was kind of true, in France!

Sorry Ouinon! That bit wasn't directed at you at all! The thanks was. Sorry about the misunderstanding. I really appreciated your answer!!
You'll see in the comment below what I found a bit patronizing. Of course it happens the same. I am not thick. And I don't see how a bathtub is relevant at all either.

I had my first two boys at home, and the third at hospital.
I was much more relaxed at home, which meant it hurt less I had a big tub the first time, it was wonderfull and really soothing. The second time there was no time to fill the tub up, the midwife only just got there in time to deliver the baby!
The good part of a hospital birth was afterwards: just me and the baby, we had our own room, it was a real holiday!
Statistically, home births are actually safer, as complications generally show up in good time, so there is time to go to the hospital.

I had a bad experience with a homebirth, but I'm not sure that a hospital birth would have been better (in fact it might have been worse). I didn't want to go into the hospital because I wanted to minimize the number of people touching me and talking to me, I wanted to avoid the florescent lights and the general unfamiliarity of being away from home.

I had given birth without pain medication before so I knew what to expect (or thought I did). I ended up having a delayed pushing stage that was horrifically painful and left me totally shattered. I was very disappointed both in the midwife I hired (who I thought would be great) and the way she treated me during the birth, and I did not get even a fraction of the support I expected from my husband afterwards. I ended up having serious physical post partum issues that my midwife was not equipped (or didn't care) to handle, and because I'd been "out" of the medical system for my whole prenatal and birthing period, I had trouble finding a clinician willing to take me on at that point, even though I was desperately sick with a recurring infection.

The next time around, giving birth, I went into the hospital and had an epidural because I realized I could deal either with the pain of childbirth, or, the strangers around me touching and interacting with me, but not both. The epidural was administered perfectly-- I was still able to feel, I just didn't feel pain. I also wanted to ensure that I had adequate post-partum follow-up care.

I do think birth is different for aspies who have severe sensory issues and/or don't like to be touched or handled by strangers. I thought the solution was to stay out of the hospital, but unfortunately for me, it didn't work out. Having the total pain relief in the hospital ended up being a much better solution for me.

Epidurals do have risks-- they don't always work, or only work partially, so you might still feel pain. Mild to moderate residual back pain can linger for up to a year. Some people speculate that it slows labor or inhibits breastfeeding but I had no problem with either. I did get the residual back pain that lasted about a year-- I had a bruised feeling in my back-- but that was nothing compared to what I went through, pain-wise, with my homebirth.

It might be different in Ireland... I don't know how bad/ good the hospitals there are and how available homebirth is. I only had a couple choices for a midwife since relatively few do homebirths in the US.

I wanted to add, that, had I been in a hospital for that homebirth, I'm certain I would have been given a c-section for the delayed pushing stage. So even though the experience was devastating for me, I escaped without a c-section, which might have caused me problems with future births. That's the one silver lining for me.

Several people in my family have had bad reactions to Epidurals. So I would like to avoid it.
And those are exactly the reasons I want to avoid hospital. Lights, Noise, Strangers, Other women in labor, doctors poking. the whole thing makes me feel ill and I am not even there yet.

I think in Ireland it is slightly different. You have to register with teh Health Board, and sign that if the midwife (who is registered and watched by them) deems it necessary you WILL be transfered to hospital at any time.
So you do still have the care of the hospital etc if something goes wrong, at any stage. Youare registered with the maternity section of the health Board.

Only problem is that the department has lost its insurance. Unless it can get someone else to insure it before march, I won't have the CHOICE in any case.

If it's any comfort, what happened to me was a fluke. The baby put her arm/elbow up as she was coming down and got stuck. If it had been a straightforward birth probably the experience would have been good, but because it was such a traumatizing experience, everything else (disappointing midwife, poor follow up care) seems worse in retrospect.

Azharia-

What the women have posted were good experiences to hear about.

If you can, find another caregiver who supports YOU. Who will make sure you get the care YOU need and not what she thinks you should get.

Get regular care so you really are aware of everything going on. I am good at denial, and my friends do the same thing, but the doc or nurse would ask a question, and they would realize it was something. One pregnant friend was feeling lightheaded, and she thought it was normal, but it turned out to be high blood pressure. She had to be induced early.

And don't poopoo meds. Just read up on them and ask a professional. Decide then.

And the most important thing that is ignored the most: get someone to help after the baby, and don't rely on the baby daddy. Some fathers have the weirdest reaction after a new baby arrives, and he's not set up to help very much right away anyway. He doesn't know as much as you, and you're already recovering physically. Get a friend, mom, auntie, in-law...but get help for as long as you can get it. You're not going to have time to do housework, cooking, toddling around, and getting used to caring for a baby, too. I think this is why husbands get weird. It is suddenly real, and everything's changed. And with someone you trust in the house with the baby will give you time to sleep. And you do need to sleep.

And if there isn't someone local...you move to somewhere. New moms don't get enough support, and an Aspie mom needs as much support as she can get. Someone who knows how your sensory issues work, who knows when you need to be left alone, and yet can answer questions without bugging you.

Metta and good luck, Rjaye

I WISH I had known this was going to be such a problem, but the babys father had already had 3 children with his ex wife ( who he left for someone before he met me), and so i thought he would be a support. But no. He was almost worse than useless. I don't know who i could have asked to come though; i knew noone in France, and would not have wanted family. So i freaked out and went without sleep and panicked and basically went sliding into the worst depression and anxiety of my whole life.
So yes, very good point; if you can, get support arranged for the first couple of weeks at least after the birth.
I hope the hospital get the insurance fixed. Aren't you supposed to have the right to a home birth in UK , as part of the Health Service guidelines to respect mothers choice etc etc?
Good Luck.

Well whether we can manage to arrange home birth or not we have a plan for that.
Husband is amazingly supportive and loving, but I am convinced borderline aspie, so with the best will in the world, he may be as lost as I am!

We want to have the baby in my parents house, it's much more suited. And if we cana, we'll stay there for a week of two, with my mom, dad, bro and sis to help out.
If we end up in hospital? Well we'll go home to them anyway. We'll have loads of help that way.

Stay in bed for 3 days afterwards no matter what, even if you feel great. Your body needs that time to recuperate and the choices you make then will effect your longterm recovery. One of the reasons I had serious postpartum problems was because I did not rest properly. I felt good, so I was up and about way too soon. I should have rested.

I'll remember that. Good reason to get the family to do stuff for me.