Help! 18 yo son suddenly paralyzed w/ocd

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"ANyway, I digress. SO yes, there are people with bad OCD that have "bad thoughts" as a manifestation of their OCD such as "if I leave this room I will kill someone", or "I will cut my hands off if I go in the kitchen" for example. The person is extremely unlikely to act on those thoughts, but there is such an extreme fear for them that they will that they have massive panic attacks and often become housebound.

It is like telling someone "Don't think about a pink hippo". As soon as you try to not think about it, you are thinking about it! The person with the bad thoughts often can't not think about them, so they are in a permanent state of fear."

Oh my god - you're so funny - and so right! Vivid explanation. I too am thinking I'm losing something in the translation when he's trying to explain these things to me.

Als Mom,

I don't want to alarm you but this has to be said;

My Best Friend
At school, I had a best friend, he was witty, though dry, spent hours and hours studying and doing homework and was brilliant. He was also quite OCD.

He always wanted to sit down the back of the room because he was terrified that someone would throw something. He used to ask us constantly if there was anything on his back. He was very religious and basically a model student.

I did my best to corrupt him I'd sit near him at school and say all manner of annoying things to the teachers which would focus their attention on us. My friend never got into trouble but he did laugh a bit. Laughing is good.

When we left school, he went to university and studied even harder. He almost never went out with us - and eventually we stopped calling him thinking, well, he's just going to say "no, I've got too much work to go out this weekend".

After University, he got a job and was an absolute model worker. He worked for about 8 years before he had a breakdown. He'd also been talking about voices since school but we'd basically ignored it - so, obviously, had his family.

When he had his breakdown, the voices found a way to become full fledged schizophrenia. He has never fully recovered and is now no longer in the workforce. He can't get a job because he has chronic fatigue - the stress of the breakdown, coping with the voices etc, means that he's tired all the time.

He told me that we kept him "sane" at school by mucking up around him. That once he got out into the workforce on his own, there was nothing to break the stress/tension.

We, his friends (and his family) are all kicking ourselves now for not recognizing the symptoms earlier. Early intervention could have made a huge difference.

Please - your situation sounds so similar - you need to intervene and force a change in his lifestyle.

There's no point being the best in your class (perfectionist) etc, if you have a breakdown in the first few years of your working life.

Oh, Gavin, I'm so sorry. That is very sad, indeed.
But - have no fear on this end. Our family teases and laughs with Alex like there is no tomorrow. Maybe it was intuitive on our part - like it was for you to try to "corrupt" your friend. I myself lost a cousin - who was for me, my brother, at the tender age of 17 to a suicide that no one saw coming. Not a moment has gone by since I first became Alex's mother by marriage or my daughter's mother by birth that I don't think of Todd and worry about my kids mental health. Our family is just as dysfunctional - loud and abnoxious as the rest. In fact, probably more so. My husband and I have fought like cats and dogs and made any number of mistakes when it comes to raising our kids - but we are here - we are a constant - and we pay attention - and we are TRYING to do right by Alex in this time of crisis. My 6' tall 180 lb baby boy has slept with me and/or his dad since this started. I have not worked, and Alex hasn't been left alone for more than 5 minutes without one of us bugging him. We do this out of love - and I also out of rememberance for the sweet, sensitive, generous young man who once was my matchbox cars/barbie buddie. And now - I'll remember your struggling friend, too. No matter if this is schitzophrenia, bi-polar, brain cancer or if aliens have indeed landed in his head - I'm here till the hubcaps fall off!

Just re-visited your post gbollard - and forgot to mention....
Alex is currently on independent study from school - I'm his new teacher. We work for exactly two hours a day. Period. We are trying to break this pattern now. I love that he's so dedicated, but we are going to force him to learn moderation if it kills us!
Also just bought a dozen baby chickens - Alex is going into the egg business - thought it would keep him steady.
Best regards.

Wow,

That makes me feel a whole lot better.

Alex is very very lucky to have a mom who cares as much as you. Keep up the good work.

You sleep with your 18 year old son? Now, I'm really confused. Also, what does he think about home study with his mom at the age of 18? I'm missing something here. It sounds like he needs help outside of his mother's care and and some chicks. He sounds very illl, and you are not going to make him better. He needs outside assistance. You need to let him go to get the help he needs. He is almost a grown man who needs help.


equinn

Oh - come on now.... Yes, since he's been talking about suicide - he sleeps in my bed with myself or my husband - where we can keep him "up". And as far as home study - we have NO CHOICE. I sent him back to school - he cannot function. His sister finds him crouched down in the middle of the quad examining a piece of discarded gum. The other kids have been decent so far - but what do you think will happen if he starts moaning in the middle of class? He has two classes to pass this semester and he graduates. He doesn't want to lose out with so little left to go. And of course he's getting more help - I'm no psychiatrist, and don't pretend to know how to actually help him. I'm just keeping him glued together while trying to find someone in the state who actually WILL help him. Not an easy task - been trying for a month - found idiots who didn't even pretend to care -found the hospital - which I'm saving as a last resort - and a guy about 150 miles from here. He's my best hope. And I hope he works out - at $3,000-$5,000 for the diagnosis - and our family can't afford medical insurance at the moment. We're the poster family for the Adjustable Rate Mortgage crisis - 12.5% on a California property - you do the math. So I'm doing the dishonerable thing and putting my kid into the medi-cal system - but this alleged miracle worker doesn't take medi-cal, anyway. Sorry I'm ranting - but I think you're being a little harsh. I've posted for suggestions on his professional care - posted on what meds the doctors have given him and so on. I'm not a moron. I know my kid is seriously at risk - I will find him the right help - but I don't want him institutionalized unless it's absolutely necessary - and it's not.

I'm just surprised, I guess. I have two older boys, both now 20 and 22, and I truly can't imagine them in my bed!--sick or not. Your son doesn't mind you sleeping with him? What does he say? It just seems a bit odd for a mother to be in the same bed with her 18 year old. If he's this sick, he needs medical care, truly. The term institutionalized sounds scary, but if maybe it's something he needs, temporarily , so he can get evaluated and be put on the correct meds so that he doesn't have to sleep with his parents and can funtion on his own. Isn't this what you want? I don't understand why you're prolonging it. This is 2008, not the dark ages. If you live in CA, there must be help for your son. Is it that he's not sick enough to be hospitalized and evaluated? This happened with my sister. My mother told me she would pray that her own daughter would get picked up off the street and sent to the hospital because she knew she was sick and needed help, but she didn't know what to do for her. Eventually, my dad took her. It was a hard time. So, I do sympathize with you, but I really don't think having your son in your bed is healthy for anyone. You are merely prolonging the inevitable. Also, it could be dangerous if he's not on the right meds. You can't watch him every second! It's out of your control. If he's truly suicidal, it sounds like you need to get him into a hospital with trained staff to care for him. I know I would be too scared having my son in the house in this frame of mind. Yet, I do know how you must feel about sending him to a hospital--this, too, is scary.

I experienced this, to a lesser degree with one of my sons. My son seemed depressed (he's moody anyway) and one night, he was at that age, troubles with girlfriend, grades plummeting, and he came home and he went into his room muttering something about not wanting to live. I was panic stricken thinking he was going to commit suicide in his room. I stood outside his door and finally I called to him and he answered. I told him I wanted to talk to him, and we did talk and everything seemed much better. It was that the band he was in was breaking up and he was disgusted. I told him he should do his own music anyway because he's so talented. He did end up writing and making his own albums. Today, he's away at college. But that night, it was frightening. I know that if this continued, I would get him help somehow someway. I wouldn't try to keep helping him myself, because I would be too afraid that it wasn't working and he would take his life. Then what?

I lived with this. I remember my sister, ill, living with us after she got back from the hospital--she was always roaming the house at night etc. It was scary. She couldn't live with us anymore because we weren't doing anything for her. It got to the point where she wouldn't bath, get out of bed, and then she'd be up all night. It got worse, not better. Now, she lives independently. Her life isn't perfect, but she's taken care of and has food, shelter and enough money for cigarettes and coffee and friends--this is her life. We have come to accept this.

Do you plan on living wiith your son for a long time? Or, do you want him to live independently? He might be able to get a degree without completing work. My sister was such an excellent student, she had a month left and she got the degree. Your son might be too sick to do school work. I wouldn't push this.

I think your situation really hits home with me because of what I've experienced with my sister, my older sons, and my younger son's dependency on me. He says all the time that he wants to live with me always. One night he told me that he wanted to die before me because his worst fear was being left alone without me. I assured him that he would always be taken care of and loved and that I would always be there to take care of him. He felt better about this and asked "Okay, so I don't have to think about that anymore?" We rely on each other, tremendously, so I know what you're going through now. It is hard to be objective when you're this close to someone.




equinn

Al's Mom,

You're very lucky that his school friends haven't been mean but you're absolutely right - it would only be a matter of time, hence I think you've done the right thing by taking him out of school.

I am a little concerned that you might be taking a bit too much on yourself though. I've got two small kids and my wife and I can hardly cope with them at times. I hope you're taking regular breaks and sharing the burden - also, having some professionals come in to look after him occasionally would be good to - since it would help your family have some time to recuperate.

Please be careful. Remember, it's the whole family that suffers.

alsmom~ we've had episodes where my son has felt suicidal and self-destructive , and for his own safety we have insistedd that he sleep in our bedroom ( or that we sleep in his)......for our son, the episodes pass fairly quickly, and we've found that taking him into the hospital just further compounds the problems he already has..........he is on meds, and under the care of a psych and a therapist. this is what they've reccommended.

Gotcha. I understand the responce a little better, now. But Alex has always been behind in developing. A VERY late bloomer. He still in the very giggley (sp?) stage about girls. Physically he's 18, but, if I could put an age on his overall behavior - I'd say around 11. He's quite sheltered in many respects. So it's really not as out there as it sounds. And I'm certainly not one of those parents who keep their kids in their beds. I find the concept a little icky. Prior to this crap - he last slept with mommy and daddy if he was sick or something major scared him - and we're talking 4 years old - on VERY VERY rare occaisions. I'm NOT enjoying this. I wish to God he could be independent. But, frankly, his bio-mom is pushing 45 - and the only time she ever lived apart from her parents was the 18 months she was married to my husband. She has no husband, no lover, and no prospects to this day. I'm thinking that Al won't wind up quite so bad. Her parents were in denial about her illness, and treated her very cruelly. We've embraced Al's quirkyness and I feel certain he'll grow into a "normal" man - albeit slowly - and wind up with a wife and kids. But our game plan for our lives has always included the possibility that he'll be with us for a good long time. Believe me - I do feel as though I'm in the dark ages on this. With our insurance situation being in the toilet, I have precious few resources to persue. All of this, the medication, the 24/7 observation and being out of school are a band-aid, as far as I'm concerned. Just until there are tests and diagnosis and a good md and the right meds and some behavioral therapy. I want this gone as quickly as it appeared. I want our kid back. I want Alex to be happy - starting JR college next September - I want him to talk to people -meet a girl - find his JOY in life. Not to mention my sex life is completely non-existant!! !! So - no - I'm by no means trying to pray him to health - and God - if there is such a thing - I am not trusting to make him well. Hell - I haven't attended church in decades. I'm not getting off on his illness. I'm monumentally frustrated that I'm doing everything I can - and it's not better yet. I haven't found that miracle doctor, magic pill or ideal therapy - BUT I WILL!! !!

GAVIN - been doing some thinking about what you've said - I think you're on to something that I completely overlooked. The sudden onset - and I do mean sudden - maybe it really was a "nervous breakdown". Just too much pressure. Topped off with the fact that he's an ADULT, now. Graduating high school. Yikes - very scary for any "normal" kid. Good point - still working that one out. Thanks.

"...maybe it really was a "nervous breakdown". Just too much pressure.."

That was my idea, BTW.

Just wanted to clarify.

Hope all works out for you and your son. You said you haven't been in church in decades. You might want to return. It is very therapeutic.

best,

equinn