What finally made sense when you realized you were an Aspie?

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Hello, Phoo. Nice to meet you. This site really cheers me up somehow.

Been thinking about the melt-down thing. I have a rather high tolerance for most stuff, but being called out in class unleashes something. Maybe more lock-down than meltdown. The whole airport sniffer thing was right on the edge of publicly losing it. I can remember class situations where i could not function. I think I am more likely to shut down than to meltdown though.

. For me, the amazing part seems to be trumping the scary part right now, and I hope it keeps on this way, as it's making it easier to be who I am in real life as well.

Anyway, I hope you'll keep posting whenever it's helpful to you.[/quote]

Thanks for the encouragement. Feel free to ask me anything in the context of a thread. Reading you has really helped me too. Thank you.

Buttons!

whty everyo0ne else was a freak'n idiot

Like most other posters, I have been saying "that's me" and "I know the feeling!" to myself again and again while reading through these 11 pages. Noahveil23, in particular, has been describing scenarios that have been played and re-played in my life for years, especially in this paragraph:

I remember having this feeling of alien detachment from, and dislike for, the "pack hierarchy" dynamics of my peer groups from 1st grade until the present.

I'm writing this as someone who has never seriously considered that I have AS until now. But it's all there: hypersensitivity to noise (but love of music), physical clumsiness and wandering introversion for most of my childhood, love of esoteric facts but numbness to emotionally expressive artforms, problems keeping "small talk" going, inattention to fashion/dress, and (above all) a tendency to withdraw into a comfort zone of social isolation. I have had friends over the years, but usually only one at a time, between bouts of complete lonerism. My few relationships with women have ended as a result of my feeling smothered and needing to be alone. Only now, at the age of 24, do I realize that my life has essentially been a series of brief attempts at integration into a social group/relationship followed by frustration and much longer periods of withdrawal. I find all of the testimonials on here tremendously helpful in making sense of my own life, and what the hell I've been doing all these years. At least now I have some larger category or context to place my weird behavior in.

Last edited by JoeStanley on 28 Nov 2008, 8:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

that is so great to hear, joestanley. good luck with the journey. i liked what you said about your life being a series of vain attempts at social integration followed bu retreat and withdrawal.

That is largely true for me. But it's more than that. There really have been times when I had real friends and really connected. I just wish I had known what to look for. I wish I had hung on a little tighter to the good ones.

I was arguing with my girlfriend.

I was saying that there are thing things I'm not capable of doing... and that I didn't know why... and she yells... "IT'S NOT LIKE YOU HAVE ASPERGERS!" Then she says "Oh... wait... that's it... you do"

I started reading about it and it all fit. I got a positive diagnosis straight away.

So frustrating. I'd been seeing mental health professionals for 18 years... giving them all the signs... and nothing. Dummies!

It's such a relief to know... but I'm sad because I know now that I'll never be free of this pressure that builds in my head. I hate it. I'm so thought / focus orientated that I get headaches and like a kaleidoscopic thought pressure every day.

I went off topic there a bit. Sorry.

Last edited by wrongplanetmember on 05 Dec 2008, 2:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

This morning I was speaking to my mother, who works with mentally and behavourially-challenged children, when she made an off-hand admission that I "do have Aspergic tendencies". The conversation moved on, and a few hours later I started thinking about the few things I knew about Asperger's, became more curious, googled it, and wound up here.

On Monday I am seeking out an autism specialist, although I am sure that he/she will only confirm what I already know from reading this site. I am utterly blown away by the (frankly) terrifying ability of complete strangers to elucidate my own thoughts and opinions about... well, almost everything. I have never found anyone who truly understood (let alone shared) my feelings about certain things, and to find so many people who obviously share precisely the same "quirks" that I previously believed to be unique..... I am gobsmacked.

And to answer the original thread topic question:

"Every. Single. Thing."

Welcome, greenlandgem! I hope your appointment on Monday goes well, and that you get the support here that you need.

It took a few days for me to read this entire thread.

For me, AS explains my entire childhood (and most of my adulthood):
- my tendency to relate much more easily to adults than to my peers.
- the roaring in my head whenever I tried to look someone in the eye (especially if I was stressed.)
- why I seldom had more than one friend at a time (a condition that continues to this day.)
- bouncing on my bouncy rocking horse for hours at a time.
- swinging on the playground swings for hours at a time.
- rocking in a rocking chair for hours at a time.
- my tendency to lecture on my current favorite subject to any who would listen (and if there was no one to listen, I would talk about it to myself.)
- my extreme discomfort with being touched from behind (especially on the neck and shoulders)
- my complete inability to judge the intent of teasing (is it good-natured, or malicous? - I assume malicious)
- my inability to look away from a TV picture (I think it's the flashing lights that draw my attention.)
- my tendency to shut down in noisy environments (or, at least, my inability to process information in such a situation.)

I'm thinking about pursuing a professional Dx (will be asking my doctor about it on Monday.) Unfortunately, after a number of web searches, it doesn't appear that there is anyone in my area who knows anything about AS/autism in adults, so that isn't very encouraging. It will be interesting to hear what my doctor (internal medicine) has to say. She may be able to at least point me in the right direction.

I can grok that. I was a kid back in the early forties and the term "nerd" had not yet been invented. But I was a nerd for sure. Later on I found that I could not "read between the lines" very well and I was extremely literal-minded. No one ever heard of Aspergers Syndrome back in those days. I also had a notion that I was slightly "nuts", which turned out to be the case. My peers gave me a rough time but I learned not to let it get me down. I knew I was smarter than my tormentors so I did not let that affect my self-esteem.

So I grew up a nerd (before there were nerds) and I was always marching to the beat of another drum. Eventually I learned about Asperger's Syndrome and took several surveys and questionaires. Yup! Sure enough. I am now in my mid seventies so I have learned to pass for NT. NTs know how to "mind read" intuitively. I had to learn by the numbers since it did not come naturally to me. However I can now read face and body language virtually error free (practice makes perfect) and I can even read between the lines. I am married (52 years) to an NT so it is to my benefit not to be at odds. I have four children and I am sure my oldest is an Aspie. We used to call him Mr. Literal and Captain Caution when he was a youngster. He is doing fine and never had a bad time, such as I had.

ruveyn

I am so satisfied that your oldest was raised with understanding. That makes me feel like all we do to spread self awareness and understanding is a good thing. Hurray for WP.net!
and wecome ruveyn!

Merle

Been digesting all this for a couple weeks. Am learning to shut the hell up. That is a big change. Can recall many times when I "blew it" by prattling on about some enthusiasm or other while the NT listener sat horrified/disgusted/amused but in no way was relating to what I was relating. Am finally starting to "see myself coming" and stop a monologue before I start. Which is sort of sad because there are people who have appreciated my grandiloquent tirades and have benefitted from them. I think there are definitely some "friends" on the other hand who like to goad me into putting on a show, and then enjoy sitting back and laughing at me. Good times!

Hello everybody, missed you, glad to be back.

What made sense to me right now is finally "getting" that people's avatars are not photos of themselves, usually. Talk about naive, sheeesh.

As a newly diagnosed Aspie, I have found so much now makes sense.

Why I get angry at certain noises
Why I get frustrated easily
Why I got bullied all my life in school
Why I thought I wanted to be a boy for 3 years (I think I thought I was transgender because I could not relate to women)
Why I can't relate to humans very well
Why I go through episodes of having extreme obsessions with certain topics (ie. Australia, Philosophy, law, Planets, etc)
Why I fear talking to people and never know what to say to people
Why I get nervous tics (finger flapping, arm flapping, arm cracking etc)
Why I have hypergraphia (urges to write)
Why I have meltdowns

This list could go on. Really, my whole life now makes sense.

Charlie