Difference between 'crushes' and 'falling in love'?



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TheUnnamedOne
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20 Mar 2009, 10:25 am

I know I'm too young to be "falling in love", but even so, I am still wondering how to tell the difference.


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sinsboldly
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20 Mar 2009, 10:34 am

''falling in love" and 'having crushes' knows no age limit. It is a human condition that starts the moment you are born until you shuffle off this mortal coil.

however that feeling that sweeps you away and takes over your thoughts is called "limerence" and worth a bit of investigation.

here is a wiki on 'limerence'.


Quote:
Graciela was waiting eagerly in class. She was waiting for Mr. Brown to walk into the classroom with that enigmatic aura that simply drove her crazy. Mr. Brown, who happened to be the Geography teacher could hardly understand the impact his boyish smile had left in the tender mind of his teenage student. He hardly noticed that her already pink cheeks grew redder while he asked her from the daily lessons. Almost everyone of us have come across these crushes at some point if time. Sometimes, young teenagers happen to fall for some member who may not reciprocate their feelings or may not be in a position to do so. But these crushes are often ignored. It is supposed that these infatuations would just fizzle out with time. But the fact remains that they don't. People never forget about their crush until they are replaced by new ones.
Such crushes are better described as “Limerence”. It was a term coined by the scientist Tennov. “Limerence” is an attraction to a member of opposite sex which is something in between love and infatuation. When reciprocated, it turns into romantic love and when it is not, it generally passes on to someone else. But the fact is that it has to be reciprocated by someone or the other. The person having limerence o an individual often imagines romantic gestures from the limerent object and this imaginary reciprocation fills their heart with pleasure.

Limerence is not particular to teens only, it can happen to anyone and everyone. And when the limerence is unrequited, the confidence and self esteem of an individual is battered. They simply can't live in peace till they find someone would actually reciprocate.
Almost all people experience some kind of shyness before their loved one especially when the attraction is nascent, but in limerence a strong feeling of nervousness preoccupies the individual that makes him difficult to behave normally in presence of limerent object.


Actual love denotes care and understanding for the other person but limerence is self centered. But unlike puppy-love it never fizzles out with time. It has to be always transferred or reciprocated. If you love someone, and are not reciprocated, you may preserve the sweet memories of your heartthrob which would give you solace in later years. If you have a crush on someone, it would fizzle out after some point of time. But if you have a limerence, it will leave its footprint in your heart and even after years, you will actually remember it with grief and despair. A limerance strikes an individual out of nowhere, as it is caused by our reaction to pheremones eminating from another person. It just makes you "madly in love" and you will try to reach out for the limerent object at any cost. Most of us has been have gone through limerence at some point of time. If the limerence remains unrequited, it becomes hard to bear the pain. But life teaches us to bear with this experience. And once you learn to live with sorrow, you reach one level of emotional maturity and your life moves on and after years when you ponder upon the past, you realize that you are not the same person once again.


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Last edited by sinsboldly on 20 Mar 2009, 10:41 am, edited 1 time in total.

Homer_Bob
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20 Mar 2009, 10:37 am

There's a big difference. You usually have crushes on people you don't know very well but you like, whether it's physically or for their personality. People usually don't take crushes seriously. To put it simply, crushes could be something as simple as lusting over someone or simply finding them appealing. Love is much different, you can't fall in love with a person you don't know well. That's the way it is. You love someone if you love them unconditionally. You have to know a person for a very long time before you love them. You have to fully accept the person for who they are. Loving someone after knowing them for a week as an example is totally ridiculous and unrealistic.



Last edited by Homer_Bob on 20 Mar 2009, 10:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

ImTheGuyThatDidThat
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20 Mar 2009, 10:37 am

Crushes is something i connect with being a young boy,
cant say i get crushes now. I might like someone but i
dont get crushes, love is something that happens when
i care for someone very much, and that just dont happen
over night, it builds up over time out of friendship. I
define a crush as when you loose all common sense
because of someone you in reality know very little
about.



TheUnnamedOne
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20 Mar 2009, 10:52 am

I can relate to most of what Sinsboldy said about 'limerince'. I've never really been loved and this person is my best friend, so obviously he makes me feel loved. And of course I can't have him, because he's straight.


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lithium
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20 Mar 2009, 1:08 pm

let me tell you a story, a bit more then a year ago i befriended a girl, for some time i just saw her as a friend and had my share of "crushes" (wich i see as sheer physical and shallow attraction to someone) when i noticed that i felt increasingly safe around her, that unknowngly to myself, i could let her very close into my personal space, she was a person that wasn't afraid of me and that could see more then just my empty face, we we're quite good friends and one day i realised that i was smitten with her, i could give up anything for her, yet i was afraid to lose my friendship so i never tried to show anything except some vague hints. and then due to pressure from her parents, her failing grades and her own personal struggles she switched schools. i could give it all up, but i didn't i kept my feelings for her, i didn't want to throw those feelings away, even after all that time. the last time i really spoke to her was in the summer when she ran away from home and stood in front of my door in the middle of the night...

still miss her now, still regret i haven't told her anything.

but that my friend is the difference between a simple crush, and falling for someone.


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CerebralDreamer
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20 Mar 2009, 1:15 pm

I think the difference between a crush and love is the circumstances. Love happens when you know all of a person's flaws, yet you still let yourself get enveloped in passion with them, and even without that romance would be there to support them. Love also tends to have more permanence than limerence or a crush.



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20 Mar 2009, 1:40 pm

Crushes are much more mild, and often they are just of because of how the person looks. Love is much more stronger and lasts longer. If you truly loved someone instead of just a crush, you'd want to be with them more.


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Sorenna
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20 Mar 2009, 3:42 pm

Hi One.

I am too old to get crushes, but boy do I ever!

Whenever I am attracted to someone too young for me (and I am speaking of 20-30 year olds!) I just enjoy their presence and that is all. I know it's not love. I am too old for them .

I also am too messed up to fal in love.

I applaud your desire to know the difference.



MONKEY
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20 Mar 2009, 4:31 pm

I am actually in love right now with my best friend, but he doesn't know it he just thinks I fancy him, I have felt this way sinse I first met him when we were 12, I know it's young but it's true.
I have had loads of crushes and I have a crush right now on a other friend of mine.


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CelticGoddess
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20 Mar 2009, 4:39 pm

A crush is a passing fancy. Love takes time. It builds from friendship and you realize that you're in a place where you're not judged when they know your secrets. You feel safe to give some of yourself to them and you trust them. You feel like you can be yourself and not hold back. To me, that's love.



mitharatowen
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20 Mar 2009, 4:44 pm

Imo - crushes are usually looks-based and love is not.

If you have the hots for someone's physical appearence and that is why you like them then it is a crush or infatuation or lust. Some people fall in and out of crushes almost daily.

Love is deeper and is based on more important and long-lasting qualites.

There's more to it than that but that is what strikes me first.



pavel_filonov
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20 Mar 2009, 6:22 pm

for me...

a crush is when I imagine myself in a wonderful relationship with someone and being really close to each other and understanding each other, etc, etc, etc, despite being barely able to speak to them.

love is when I actually have a strong, close relationship with someone.



jawbrodt
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20 Mar 2009, 6:46 pm

I think the major difference is that "crush" means that there is not yet any real relationship, whereas "love" is formed after you have actually known someone long enough, and well enough, to actually claim love for them. :)


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ZEGH8578
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20 Mar 2009, 6:51 pm

i dont think your too young to be "in love". OLD people love to minimalize YOUNG people's FEELINGS (such as telling you its not love, but just a crush), cus it makes them feel WISE instead of OLD. thats all :D


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