I made up with him, am waiting to see if he'll take me back.

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You're young and you still have your whole life ahead of you. Time is on your side right now, and that's exactly what you'll need to get experience doing anything. Time... and resolve. You sound like you have a desire to go out and do stuff, it's just a matter of deciding what you would like to do. Any ideas? It doesn't even have to be necessarily career-oriented or "productive" in the usual salary sense or anything, you'd just need to go out and do something. It can be very surprising sometimes how after time very unusual, disparate and almost random experiences come together and contribute to one's way of thinking and living life in a very coherent manner.

Well, I guess since I wanted to be with him now and not later, that's the price I have to pay. I would rather get experience and have him in my life than get experience without him in my life.

Edit: You might want to know that he's chatting with me like we're friends now.

And I emailed him this because I was dying to tell him:

Update:


He sued me! I just got notification that I've been sued. Because after I broke up with him I guess he was scared I would take our son Lars and run off with him.

He used my post about wanting to (but not planning to) shoot up schools against me (the cops came to my door and took me away, I was in a psych ward for a few days and then I was released because I was deemed not a threat), and my psychiatric record from the Harris County Psychiatric Center. He quoted the part where I said "I have it all planned out." By saying I had it all planned out, I didn't mean that I was planning to do it, but that I had it planned out how I would have done it if I had chosen to do it.

He also either thought or lied about the fact that I left to go to Canada to end our relationship. I hadn't.

He claimed I left Houston with the intention of breaking up with him, and cleaims it was because we weren't together at the time he petitioned the court because I left him, when as a matter of fact we were together, or at least I hadn't broken up with him and he hadn't said he was breaking up with me. We had agreed to get back together after I had said I was breaking up with him before (but after I left Houston). I was questioning him about issues in the past that I had had with him and asking him to understand them and not do those things again and say he wouldn't. I was angry at him for not recognizing what he had done wrong and apolgizing for it, and I yelled at him once, and he took that as me breaking up with him. We clearly do not have the same definition of breaking up, and we don't have the same definition of breaking up as the court does. He doesn't appear to even know the difference between his definition of breaking up and the court's definition.

He also wants me to pay him child support-- not now, but later. [Edit: he said that he had to ask the attorney about the paragraphs that said that; he says the paragraphs actually said that he could ask for child support but wasn't going to.] He wants me to never have access to Lars except on supervised visits, I think until my mental issues are resolved with a shrink, but they were resolved with a shrink. I have to go to court in Houston on April 7.

He said in the petition to the court that I have a history of schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder, which is not true; it's just schizoaffective disorder. I was not actually diagnosed with schizophrenia; he told the people at one hospital that I had schizoaffective disorder and they mistakenly wrote down that I had schizophrenia.

He also said my bipolarness and schizoidness put my son at risk of physical harm. That's not true. I never hurt him, and I would never. He even told me not to tell the doctors that I felt like hurting my child because it's not true; what I really felt like doing was sometimes waiting a little longer to feed him and he said that was fine. He left me alone in the house with Lars when he went out. He said I was a good mother. And he sent me a picture of my son just today! Stan isn't stable.

Furthermore, he has a restraining order against me.

He also said that I said that I wished Lars had never been born, and I hadn't EVER said that at all.

He filed the petition on March 10.

Yes, once when I had broken up with Stan I said that I was planning with my mother to take Lars and go to Nova Scotia without Stan. The truth is that I wanted Stan in his son's life, and me and my mother planned to go to Nova Scotia, but we were going to get a lawyer so that I could have joint custody of Lars with him instead of him having full custody. I hadn't told Stan that because I forgot to tell him, and I should have told him. Also, I said that yes we had been planning to take Lars without Stan's permission, but I wasn't thinking clearly. Also, why didn't he just sue my mother if he was afraid of her kidapping Lars? And if he was scared of me kidnapping Lars but not physically harming him, why did he say the things about me being a danger to him and prone to physically harming him?

Yes, I did try to run away from him twice, but I still wanted to remain in contact with him and Lars and still be in a relationship with him, but from a distance... I wanted to do things with my life and be in a relationship with him at the same time. And I did plan to go back eventually, though I didn't know when.

Also, he said I left Lars for a day without responding to his cries. The truth was, I left him to Stan to take care of because I was feeling so low I couldn't get up.

It's true that I had disordered thinking where I came up to Canada; I forgot that Lars would be much happier having both his parents with him at the same time than with just one parent. But now Stan wants to be the only one with him, so he's not thinking about Lars either.

Edit: He just wants a temporary restraining order and for me not to have access to Lars until my mental condition is fixed... but he should have said "until I know for certain that her condition is fixed", because he didn't know for certain that my condition needed to be fixed. He probably thought I would hurt my son because I had talked about hurting other people, but I would never hurt my own son. I had meant that I wanted to hurt people outside the autism community, and him being my son whom I planned to raise in the autism community whether he was autistic or not, I did not want to hurt him. And I was getting proper medical help in Canada for my mental condition. I am now. They let me out of the hospital because they believed that I was safe enough to be an outpatient. So I should be able to see my son now.

He said in the petition that I wanted to raise our son to be autistic. What I had meant was to raise him in the autistic community, to which Stan and I both belong. I love my son too much to force him into anything or keep him away from things he loves outside the autistic community; I hadn't meant I would do that. That is someone I would never do to someone in the autistic community because I love them too much. The outside of the autistic community is an important part of the autistic community. But my son is a part of the autism community simply by being our son.


Also, I probably won't be able to make it to court because I don't have a passport to get down to the US from up here in Canada. The court date is April 7, and I definitely will not have a passport by then even if I apply for it right now. And if I don't make it to court, they may make a default judgement against me. Edit: you don't need a passport yet to get into the US! So I can go!

He said I was an illegal alien, but he is the one that sneaked me down there. He will have to lie about sneaking me over the border himself. Also, he didn't report me all the time I was with him and I had been down there for longer than the allowed 6 months, and he hadn't taken me back. He will get in trouble for not either reporting me or taking me back to Canada.

He said that I wouldn't be able to support Lars, and that's not true. I could have applied for the $350 for a dependent child that Lars, a dual citizen of Canada and the United States, is entitled to. Even if that wasn't the case, I could have asked HIM for child support and been fine. After all, he asked me for child support.

He said that I left for Canada with the intention of ending the relationship. That is not true. We promised each other the day I left that we would not break up with each other. We spent a nice, loving day together. He told me that if I wanted to return in a week or more he would make that happen. I said I wanted to end the relationship a few times after we got back to Canada, but then I got back with him, and I had never meant to break up in the first place; I just said I wanted to, impulsively. And after I had been in Canada for a while I told him he and Lars should come up to where I planned to live in PEI and live with me.


He should have taken his problems with me up with me instead of going to a judge. I would have answered his questions. And I'm sorry for all the times I posted on WrongPlanet about him with assumptions of what he had done and why he had done it, instead of taking it up with him first and asking him questions.

Edit: He said this was just to make me not run off with Lars. He put my psychiatric history in there because he believes it is making me want to run off with Lars. But I don't want to run off with Lars (his definition of abduction is me taking Lars somewhere without his consent, but him staying down there with Lars without my consent is mysteriously not abduction so Stan is trying to put things in his favor by lying about me saying I'm a physical danger to Lars thus libeling and slandering me for his own selfish reasons); I want Lars to have not just me but Stan with him at the same time. I could abduct him without harming him and that would still be a crime they would take seriously, so why did he need to put things in there about me harming Lars and lie about some things? Anyway, now I want the three of us to be together, so I won't abduct him. So why didn't he just tell me that Lars would be happier with both parents with him all the time than with one parent even if the one parent was constantly stimulating him and loving him? That prevents abduction more than a court order does. Also, I had never said that I would abduct Lars, and so I think he was concerned that I would get a lawyer and get Lars. He either automatically thought he would be the better one for Lars, not trusting me or anyone else who might help me with LArs, or he just wanted Lars all to himself for selfish reasons either knowing or not knowing that that wasn't the best thing for Lars. He knew that I had about as much legal right to keep Lars there without my consent as I had to bring him elsewhere without his consent, so he got a lawyer to become Lars's sole conservator before I could get one to remain one of Lars's conservators and take him places without Stan-- Stan is selfish, wanting Lars all to himself for his own selfish reasons, or wanting conservatorship of Lars all to himself thinking that he can have him and me that way, thinking that if he can have conservatorship of Lars all to himself at least that makes himself happy and healthy (even though it does something bad to me, his main priorioty is himself). Edit: the turth is actually that either he assumes he can provide more for Lars (and he's assuming falsely) or he wants Lars with him all the time (not necessarily all to himself) if he thinks he can provide more for Lars (including letting lots of people besides just him and pay attention to him and love him [but in his presence while he's paying attention to Lars as well] to stimulate him) than I would provide, or he knows he can't provide as much of that for Lars as I can but he doesn't care because as long as he has Lars his own health and happiness are intact. I would provide more stimulation for Lars than he would. While he gives Lars all the attention he can, I would have exposed him to more people WHILE I was giving him my undivided attention and he would have gotten even MORE stimulation. He would have gotten all the undivided attention from me and AT THE SAME TIME attention from others who loved him, and he ewould have gotten even MORE stimulation. We would of course have stimulated him in the different ways required for him to be able to learn how to get the most stimulation/satisfaction out of life. Stan falsely thinks going to court is going to help Lars, protecting him from me. He says I wouldn't give him a good life, that since I'd said on WP once that it would be fun to travel the world having babies with different Aspie guys that I was serious and that I'd do that with Lars. That's not true; I wasn't actually PLANNING to do that; I'd give Lars a better life. I wouldn't spend time with other guys neglecting Lars.


But why did he put the lies in there about me being capable of harming Lars?

Also, the report says that Lars isn't allowed outside Texas. Yet he said I was an illegal immigrant, and they can ban me from the county for 10 years for that. Therefore, I wouldn't see Lars for 10 years. Also, him not being allowed outside Texas is unfair to him and won't work because Stan won't be able to take Lars outside of Texas himself and there is no way of telling when he crosses the border anyway.

He basically said that I clearly didn't want Lars because I abandoned him. That isn't true, and if it was, why would he need to get a court order to ensure I didn't abduct him if he believed I didn't want him? If I didn't want him, I wouldn't abduct him. And if I abducted him, I would want him, so "She doesn't want him therefore she isn't a fit mother for him" doesn't make sense, and it doesn't make sense anyway.

He said in the report that I said I wished Lars had never been born. I did not say that. I did once say something to the effect of, "He might be unlucky his soul wound up inside this body here with me, if not going to be a good mother to him."


He says, truthfully, but not in the report, that I didn't say a lot about Lars in my emails because I wanted to get it directly from Lars if he was happy or not as opposed to asking Stan about him. I wanted to hear Lars making happy little noises over the phone when I talked to him. I didn't realize that asking Stan, even if I don't believe his answers, is caring. And I had nothing to TELL him about Lars.

He doesn't want me to move back in with him yet, but it would make Lars more happy if he had both of us with him at the same time, and if I didn't move back in with him and Lars I'm sure Lars would still be happy but not as happy. Stan says he thinks it's wrong for me to be away from Lars yet he doesn't want me to be around Lars.


He says he isn't going to address most of my comments here, probably because he has no answer other than that his intent is malicious.




But I'll forgive him if he wants to get back with me.

sheesh!! !!


come down here!

I'll HAVE to go down there. I have to go to court. You can come with me.

That post um... four posts ago with all the quote blocks in it... there's a lot of passive aggressive mindgames and testing going on there. For the health of your relationship, that has to stop immediately. It's as though both of you are looking for ways to fault each other and come out the winner of this fight, when it's already apparent that nobody's at fault and both of you guys will end up losing if this continues.

I said it before and I said it again: give him space and stop talking to him. Similarly, he should give you space. The more that you guys are talking to each other right now, the worse it sounds. Why does it sound like you guys don't really trust each other? If you don't have trust, there's no way that this relationship is ever going to work.

My father says he's tired of me and my mother and my mother is saying "What's wrong with you?" What am I supposed to do; kill myself?

..

Hey, good news-- the you-need-a-passport-to-get-into-the-US rule isn't in effect yet.


I have nobody who can testify on my behalf to say they knew me for a year or that I'm a good mother. I was in isolation with Stan for a year and with Stan and Lars when Lars came along.


His mother is going to side with him, probably.

Do you think I should use my defences that I posted in my post in this thread about going to court? I'll get the lawyer to phrase it better, of course.

Legal Aid in Canada said they couldn't help us, so we have to get Lone Star Legal Aid, or whatever it's called, in Houston. We may have to tell the court that I'll be representing myself.

Hey, you think I should counter-sue for libel and slander?

So are you two back together, or not? I'm confused.

You know what's sick? He filed the petition before I broke up with him, and when I broke up with him due to other things he told me it wasn't too late for our relationship and that the issue he had been discussing wasn't worth throwing our relationship away over. Last night he said he loved me.


Alba, why did you delete the contents of your post? You did just fine; you brought up great points.

shoot.
So that's a no, then?

It's a yes. I forgot to add that I did go back to him, before the notice that I'd been sued showed up in the mail. And I'm still with him.

oh okay.
It's just that people who love eachother tend to NOT bring legal action against eachother.
That's all.

I don't like the way he treats me and makes me feel sometimes, but other times he treats me so well and makes me feel so good. I think it's a control thing. being in control makes him feel good. Doing things for me, aka "treating me nice", to a certsin extent, is something he does to dominate me. giving to me because he has something to give, and ha-ha, i have nothing t give him or do for him. Being the one who does stuff makes him feel good about himself. Then he gets a court order to be the sole guardian of our son, again, so that he can feel like a man, like he has all the responsibility, and that makes him feel good about himself. I think he has low self-esteem from living in his mother's house and having no career, so he tries to seem like he's at least more responsible than me. He wants so badly to feel like a man!


I'm never the one in control or the one who has responsibility, so I can never feel good about myself.


Apparently, his mother once told him that she felt sorry for the woman he tricked into marrying him.


I'm staying with him, but I still do need support from others for the times he treats me badly, including the times when he "treats me well". I'm glad I have support from you guys.

I love him so much and I hate him so much. I can't f*****g take this anymore. He used my medical history against me. If it weren't for my medical history, what would he have done?

This is the beginning of a very abusive relationship.

You may be able to come here every time you are treated badly and try to scrape by that way, but what about your son? How do you expect your son to be ok growing up through such a tumultuous home life?