Social Anxiety and Asperger's

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I have two questions:

1. Could someone clarify for me the difference?

2. I have social anxiety and asperger's and I think my social skills aren't that bad. But my social anxiety really bothers me because I fear social situations because I'm afraid I'll do something wrong. I.e. I'm scared to approach my teacher/classmate and ask for something in a normal voice. Also I am scared when I talk to my friend's parents. How do I solve this problem? It takes a lot of effort to overcome the fear. I mean in many cases its worse than asperger's. I mean, most of the time I know what to say in the social situation, but it feels like my throat is closed and I don't want to talk.

You pretty much said it yourself. Aspergers creates the initial social problem, and social anxiety eventually develops because of fear of screwing up again. One leads to the other. Most people with Aspergers get social anxiety eventually unless they're on meds of some sort. I temporarily lost mine when I was on antidepressants for treating my severe depression. However, I think a little bit of social anxiety can be a healthy thing for us. It makes us more aware and choose our words more carefully.

For me during social anxiety it felt like I knew what to say but when that was treated I still didn't know what to say. I do ok with one person but in a group situation I have nothing to say. I don't have anxiety anymore because when I realise I'm not saying anything I just look for something else to occupy my mind with. I do repetitive things like try to straighten objects on a table. It still sounds like anxiety but I don't get those racing thoughts in my head, so in a way it's better.

If you want to get treated for social anxiety you can't do it on your own. See a therapist/ psychologist and if you need it take medication. Also, look for books or ways to treat social anxiety online.

My way works for me, but may not work for everybody.

I have both. I thought social anxiety/phobia was my single issue for most of my life up until recently. It is probably more prominent than my autism. My diagnosticians said that my social anxiety likely primarily arose due the hindrance in my ability to understand people and social norms, but also because of sensory issues.

Early on, my psychologists/iatrists tried social situation exposure in an effort to get over it. This was while on SSRIs. That's the classical method, but it never really worked with me. It probably would be more successful on someone who doesn't also have autism.

My solution has been finding the right medication: Lexapro. This has helped me a lot, but I still have difficulties.

I used to be quite extraverted, but I turned very introverted after years of embarrassing mistakes and failings.
And now my social anxiety is preeetty bad, and if you took that away I'd probably do well socially.

I was placed on antidepressants after a lifetime of dysthymia and bouts of clinical depression. They relieved my social anxiety to some degree, which I was not expecting. I still avoid social situations but I am merely shy now rather than paralyzed. Now I am more likely to blurt something out or ramble on about my particular area of interest. I think my social anxiety masked my possible Aspie traits. (self dx'd).

I only have one of the two. Social anxiety disorder. I'm glad I can actually relate to some people since joining this website as an NT xD.

I know how to respond in any situation on the spot, I don't even have to think about it. The anxiety symptoms can make it difficult sometimes, but I seem to be getting over some of them now.

Concentrating only on the social communication aspects--leaving aside the obsessive and sensory ones for now--there are several distinctions. I'll list a few and give examples from my own life with both AS and social anxiety (SA).

Considering AS alone (with little to no SA present), there will be more difficulty reading and giving out non-verbal cues (e.g., relative lack of facial expressions and other gestures), difficulty reading social context, relative lack of social and emotional reciprocity, socially inappropriate behavior, sometimes a lack of desire to interact in general (even without the discomfort), difficulty following conversations (particularly within groups), difficulty with language pragmatics (e.g., more literal interpretations and not "reading between the lines"), unusual speech (e.g., monotonous, sing-song, overly formal).

There is wide variation in these traits, so the following examples I'll give can't be applied to everyone dealing with AS and/or SA. Most of my SA has been in remission the last 2 1/2 years.


Examples from my own life:

Body-language/non-verbal communication
Even when not particularly anxious, I tend to be quite flat in non-verbal expression. However, sometimes I'll go overboard and gesture wildly. My body-language is definitely not regular. It can be seen when I give presentations; even alone practising with a camera, my voice is monotonous, very quiet and unfluent, my eyes dart everywhere, and I rarely gesture. And this is with me trying to be more fluent and expressive.

When social anxiety is present, there will be several symptoms in addition. I will be even more withdrawn, I'll tremble, perspire, and feel faint. It is a layer of fear/terror and negative thoughts over my baseline state.


Difficulty reading social cues and situations
I have trouble reading and understanding social situations and what my role is supposed to be. When entering someone's office or home, even if I'm very familiar with them and do it regularly, I'm very unsure about how I'm supposed to act, so I won't usually approach them or sit down unless explicitly invited.

In many situations, I won't know whether it's OK to make requests, how formal the situation is (I default to extreme formality), or what the other people could possibly be thinking. I'll misread friendly gestures as romantic attraction or completely miss romantic attraction (esp. when younger). I cannot follow group conversations and don't know when to contribute.

I sometimes display socially and emotionally inappropriate behavior. For example, ignoring guests, behaving like a child/toddler, coming across as impolite.

When SA is present, I have an additional layer of awkwardness and confusion, I'm even more withdrawn (not contributing at all), and extremely uncomfortable from the physical symptoms and worrying what people might be thinking. I think I had SA symptoms as a result of undiagnosed AS. Once I had an explanation for the difficulties, the SA decreased considerably.


Relative lack of social and emotional reciprocity
I had/have this trait quite strongly. I never approached family to hug them, never let them kiss me, never expressed love or concern, and never asked how they were. I also did not give gifts or offer to help them out. If they made a request to do something, I'd simply do it (barring any great discomfort) and expend a lot of effort because that's the way I work. For example, I tutored my youngest brother through his exams for free not out of some kind of socio-emotional gesture, but because it was requested of me and was something I could do well.

Sometimes I feel the urge to express strong positive or negative emotions, yet cannot do so and feel stuck. For example, when loving someone.

With social anxiety present, I've even more difficulty reciprocating and expressing emotion. However, it did provide some advantages growing up in that if someone was boring me I'd be too anxious to tell them, which would have isolated me further.


Language pragmatics (reading between the lines etc.)
I don't take most figures of speech literally, but do have trouble "reading between the lines" and generally understanding the context of others' communications. It results in being accused of lacking common sense and initiative, and much trouble in the workplace. They expect you to "just know" what to do and think any failure is deliberate.

With SA present, my behavior and thought processes become even more rigid. I'm less likely to grasp context. I also have thought distortions on top (e.g., worrying so much about doing something wrong that I base my actions on incorrect assumptions; being hypervigilent and paranoid).




I solved the problem in two main ways.

1. I spent years before knowing about AS receiving help for SA (in the form of CBT) or helping myself. I challenge automatic assumptions much more readily now, which decreases the anxiety.

2. After learning of AS, I decided to not care nearly as much what others thought. If they want to reject me and mock me based on my differences alone, I'm better off without them. I remain polite (hello, goodbye, please, thank you, etc.), but rarely subject myself to social niceties for the sake of appearances. If it isn't genuine and from the heart, I won't do something, no matter how rude people think me. The key is to reach an inner state of self-acceptance. Don't force yourself to go against your nature, but work with it and enjoy what you can about it. If you think your voice (or whatever) is weird, love it. Tape record it and bask in its eccentricity.

I have both as well.... combine that with being a psychic it makes it even worse at times. As for getting over it. I have no idea....

although this is rather old...i thought this was a very good description