Anyone have trouble writing occasionally?

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I've mentioned before I occasionally lose speech (at least a few times a month, sometimes more often). Another thing that happens to me that's similar is that I lose writing. I can still read, and sometimes speak (but it usually happens when I can't speak as well). What I can't do is assemble words out of letters. The keyboard is simply overwhelming and confusing, and while I can think in general terms what I might want to say, what I can't do is make the translation/transition from my brain to my fingers to write it out. If I push at it, I can manage a few letters or a single world, but it takes a lot of effort.

It's another kind of shutdown that happens more rarely for me than speech shutdowns, and more often than losing the ability to read (that has only happened once this past year), and is somewhat difficult to cope with as I usually don't have any means of communication at that point.

It actually happened the other night, and I was strictly using emoticons in replies on one particular forum because words were too much work. I think symbol-based communication would probably still be usable, although I don't have anything like that installed on my computer, and it happens rarely enough I'm not sure if I need it.

I experience this to varying degrees that ranges from not being able to write more than a single word with a lot of effort to barely able to manage a sentence or so - and other times I can write extensively about the same topic. This may have something to do with ADHD as well, although it usually happens when I typically have other kinds of shutdowns (such as inability to move and speak, or just to speak, or losing all emotion, etc. - I haven't been able to identify everything that I might describe as a shutdown and I feel like I'm noticing new stuff all the time, which is not my favorite way to spend time).

When my writing does start returning, my ability to do so is limited and gradually improves. My sentences tend to be fragmentary and grammatically off, although I'm not sure how other people read it. Like so:

Which is something I wrote to someone around the time I could write again the other day.

As usual, mostly trying to process this, and wondering if others can relate.

Yeah. Just recently I wrote about this when I should have been writing a movie review instead. You can click that link and read it about there so I don't have to type it out again. (I also mention zombie penises, so there's added incentive. )

I had no idea you had a horror movie review thread.

I see you're a fan of Lovecraft's work? At least translated to film? (instant sidetrack!)

On-topic: Do you find that your ability fluctuates or goes downhill gradually or maybe a combination of both?

I have varying degrees of writing after a shutdown. I have the 'can't be bothered' type where I'm just miserable and angsty all day. There's the "how do you spell that again?" which is me being incapable of remembering how to write very basic words. Lastly, there's just staring where I can't speak, can barely move my arms and can't even think of more than three words in my head. There's also the can't read read one word type.

It's a combination of inattentive ADHD, post-seizure, post-shutdown, burn out and stuff.

I've got it now but I'm just burnt out from writing. Though I feel kind of numb.

Post-seizure writing is the worst. My memory is poor, my mind is slow and of course writing is affected. It could take a few hours to half a day to recover.

It's not really meant to be about horror movies specifically. I just start these topics where I watch a movie every day and write a short review just to give myself something to do with my free time, and I always end up watching whatever's interesting me at the moment. For awhile I was watching nothing but Sherlock Holmes films, but recently I went on a Lovecraft kick. (My obsessions go in phases.) Lately I've been watching Edgar Allan Poe movies.



Both, but of course I like the literature better.



I think it fluctuates. The day I wrote the post I alluded to, my ability to translate my thoughts into words was completely in the toilet. I spent literally three hours just trying to piece together a review no more than a few sentences long, and it was like trying to build a house of cards with boxing gloves on my hands. I got so pissed off that I wanted to punch something. And yet the next day I'm typing away with relative ease. I say "relative" because it still takes me far longer than it should just to write a few sentences.

When I'm speaking to someone in person, I'm a train wreck. I stutter and stumble over my words and feel like I'm only getting across a tiny fraction of what I mean to say. I feel like there's a filter in between my brain and my mouth, like everything I say has been translated into German, then into Chinese, then back into English before it leaves my mouth.

(Then there's my learning disorder – I hesitate to call it dyslexia since I haven't been diagnosed, but that's basically what it is – which makes reading anything an equally frustrating chore, but that's another story entirely.)

In writing, I'm a friggin' poet compared to my speaking skills, since I can write down a jumble of thoughts and see them all there, combine them into sentences, edit myself, think for a long time before submitting my message, etc. But like I said, sometimes my writing ability seems to leave me entirely and go down to the level of my speaking skills. It's amazingly frustrating and depressing to know exactly what you want to express while having no ability whatsoever to do it.

I have no idea whether I ever lose writing or not - when I feel I might do so I lose the ability to move. Either typing or controlling a pencil are beyond what I can do in a shutdown bad enough that I might lose writing.

However, I'm sure that I lose the ability to spell simple words at times.

Yeah, I get the can't be bothered rather frequently. And I could be bothered but I can't get the words out. I don't recall losing spelling specifically, but I have had the can't read thing happen. But I could read individual words, I just couldn't connect them into coherent sentences. So I'd see every word as an independent entity without any presence in a sentence or any context at all, and thus...couldn't really read.

I get staring/can't speak/barely move my arms/can't think of more than three words, but I usually try to get myself to bed while it's setting in. If I don't I'll end up stuck wherever I was. At my computer desk, once in the kitchen.



I get writing burn out rather frequently when I'm trying to write something coherent and longer than any number of any forum posts. It's like I try to think of translating thoughts into words and I just can't do it.



I can relate to all of this. I am actually fairly good at first drafts, too. But it is typically much better than speaking for so many reasons.



Losing the ability to spell is just about in the same category, if not precisely the same event. I still knew how to spell words but I couldn't assemble the letters very easily by typing. The first letter easy, the second letter, and I'd be overwhelmed with confusion.

A lot of this is becoming more aware of more subtle/specific shutdowns over time, like when you learned about having shutdowns about particular subjects. I have been paying attention, and I do have similar problems to that, by the way. I just sort of "tune out" or "drift off" during conversations that I cannot connect to, but snap back when it's something I can connect to, and this can shift from day to day, although my favorite topics are always connectible.

Also, I'm trying to resist a shutdown right now, which is (as always) doomed to failure. Why do I always try to resist? Does anyone else?

I'm not at the point where it's going to happen no matter what, and clearly I can still write coherently, but talking is a chore. It's more like having tunnel vision focused on the computer and feeling like every part of my body is responding/moving more slowly and that I really really should just go to bed. I usually don't post quite this much when it's happening, but I took some ritalin to see if it would stave things off. Answer: No, it would not.

I put up a fight. Every time.

And fail. Every time.

Yeah, my brain doesn't have much room left for thought or perception at this point. Failure is imminent.

I usually try to resist. Sometimes resisting lets me put them off to more convenient times (convenient meaning I'm messing with others less), but in exchange for that if I push too hard at resisting when resisting fails I crash harder.

On other times I'm walking home and suddenly I stop and can't move. Luckily I'm scared enough of cars that I'll not stop in the middle of a road no matter what (I'll sometimes purposefully shutdown before crossing the road).

I've missed buses because of this.

I've missed buses because of this, causing me to have a far worse shutdown because of missing the bus, causing me to be late to appointments (eventually could force myself to move in the shutdown to the appointment and just be in a mostly shutdown there, which was a terrible idea for meeting them about SSI, that was just not worth going through the application process when I'd figured out the night before that I'd not qualify. Instead I went in with a shutdown and left with a migraine.)

Can't elaborate much: Have had many meltdowns due to missing buses. Occasional shutdowns because of missing buses. Either way, hate it.

Did you ever qualify for SSI?

It happens to me very, very often. What also happens is that I cannot read a lot, everything is just so confusing and overwhelming. So I haven't read your post and I can barely write one as well.

Understood. Kind of there now myself.