joining the fellowship of the aspies...hi

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Hi there...I just joined.

Hey there...I'm currently having the "Aha" moment with my husband. We both discovered we are Aspies and we live in New Delhi. He talks to computers. I talk to our pets...and we ramble on...

I have been writing down every childhood incident and creating a chart of symptoms so that we can make sense of our world.

So its great to be here and be able to be a part of a community of people who have similar experiences.

I would really appreciate any insight you have to offer us both. I'm watching the autism tv series with great interest.

Here are a few initial questions:

Question 1) Do you have any advice for two Aspies in a relationship?

I have ordered a book "22 things a woman with Asperger's syndrome wants her Partner to Know" by Rudy Simone and it has some great insights. However, I find most books are aimed at helping neurotypicals understand an Aspie. I think I need better guidelines directed at an Aspie....for I want to understand through my Aspie's mind's eye to better understand Aspie men...my man is awesome but is often as mysterious as the sea...I want to know more to be a better partner to him.

Question 2) How do you explain Aspergers to family members, friends, and Neurotypicals in a way they can understand, empathise with, and accept?


Cheers and Namarie, ElvishAspie

Last edited by ElvishAspie on 12 Aug 2012, 10:30 am, edited 2 times in total.

here's your lost post!

hi...yeah no this is not the lost one...I spent another hour writing a new one.

Question 2
I think this is very good

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt112787.html

Hi, this is Dhawal from the India thread.

1) I really don't have any advice there. I'm married to an NT woman who is intelligent, understanding and receptive; and she says that I'm also very understanding . But for two aspies in a relationship, I really don't have any advice. If there is something specific, you can ask me. I'm an aspie male, I'll try my best to answer it.

2) I have to agree with pastafarian (cool username). Greenturtle74's cartoon guide is the best and easiest explanation I have come across.
In books, the best one I know is Tony Attwood's Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome. You might have also heard of it.

3) I don't experience meltdowns much, but sensory overload is a huge problem for me. India is a very noisy country, and I'm never able to find a quiet corner for the overload to come down. I mostly survive by taking it out on my computer. I type and type till it comes down, I create beats in LMMS, even writing abuses in notepad works for me .
I've made an long post on the subject here - http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp4358879.html#4358879

3) My routine is... umm, I don't have a routine. It's strange because most aspies have a fixed routine, and they are not able to change it even a little bit. If they are forced to change it, they get really annoyed, it totally upsets their world. Maybe those aspies can help you with the routine issue.

If you feel your questions are not being answered adequately in this thread, you can also start a new thread for each question. That might also be helpful.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Anyone with a dog named Nymeria is sure to find friends and answers here.

A few books I would recommend:

"Pretending to be Normal" by Liane Holiday Willey
"Apsergirls" by Rudy Simone
"Aspergers from the Inside Out" by Michael John Carley

All of them are aspies and all of them were diagnosed as adults.

Oh and Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Hey Nymeria,

yeah thanks my pirate dog has spirit...I'm still waiting to see if Nymeria comes back in the last few books...so far there are whispers of a roaming army of wild dogs led by a direwolf...am still reading. I edited some of my pet names above to remain a bit less searchable and anonymous but few people know my dog's name is Nymeria.

I have Aspergirls...just arrived through flipkart...will read it soon...

Thanks for the welcome anonymous.

Hi Dhayal,

Thanks for the suggestions. I think I may post some separate threads to unpack each question, particularly the one about two Aspies in a marriage.

As for the sensorial overload, for me just stepping out the house is intense. I am hypersensitive to heat and cold so in Delhi its tough. The noise is intense too. The worst part of our culture is the way people keep slamming on their horns in traffic even if there's no way to move. I think they should have some kind of regulation regarding how loud those horns are allowed to be. I find that listening to music on an ipod helps with the noise or just spacing out.

I do struggle with the meltdowns though they don't happen that often. Now they are more like mini meltdowns because I am much more in control than when I was a teenager. Usually I try to be very logical and trace it back to a series of events and poor choices. Eating sugar or junk food can cause one. Power outs can cause a meltdown as we do not have an inverter and the heat makes me nuts. I think I am learning that a big part of tackling meltdowns is improving your overall health. So this is a long term process of trying to get myself to exercise, gain stamina, totally avoid sugar and junk, and get enough sleep. I think its pretty simple just not that easy.

That cartoon story was awesome. So true.

Namaste,

I am from Mumbai India and self diagnosed with AS.

Answering your two questions

I am a total aspie for sure but my hubby is not a aspie though he is weird, like he replies in monosyllables and often doesnt understand social shrewdness of people and many people trick him.
Honestly speaking its very difficult for a aspie to survive in this world and if both the partners are aspie's then i guess it would be way too hard.
Since i am socially disabled and unable to make phone calls, keep relationship with people or make small talks i ask my hubby to do all that and somehow we are able to manage the social scenario together.
Though people often dont prefer having me around they would just like to invite him but forcibly they have to invite me. I would like to know about your social scenario???
Raising a kid is even more tougher since i am quite sensitive to touch, sound etc....the process of delivery/labour room was nightmare for me and after that raising a small baby was difficult given my proximity to depression. Social impairment, lack of know - how and naivety.
Apart from that i feel buying anything whether house,property becomes even more difficult since others are able to figure out the market scenario but aspie's are not able to bargain, etc.
I will advice you to do intense research and especially about having a kid etc.

well i have read through many comments on WP and came across that usually parents dismiss the self diagnosis done by the child.
Many parents are uncooperative and ignore any ideas given about asperger.
In my case my mother completely ignored when i told her about asperger and me probably having it.
My husband does listen to what i have to say apart from that he doesnt take much interest.
At my work place i was forced to blurt out that i am having AS because always i was getting low scores during appraisals since my communication, rapport with colleagues was very poor.
I guess it depends on the way you put it across for them to understand...personally i dont have that kind of energy or enthusiasm to make them understand
I just dont want them to bully me or ostracise me
Which they already are doing and making my life a living hell.

Welcome! I hope you find luck in your relationship!

Welkome to WP

Mick

Welcome, welcome, welcome!
I don't have any advice, sorry. But the chart you are doing seems like a good idea.
And, because I can't help it, I have to say Lord of the Rings!! ! Yay!