Liked but never accepted

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FrankiDelano
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20 Apr 2014, 1:20 am

Has anyone else ever felt this way, like people thought you where a decent enough human being or there was something "special" about you, but no one ever bothered to try and get to know you or invite you to there parties, or to hangout with them, or to do awesome s**t with them. I mean it's not like I never have, but as far as I can tell when I was younger and even to this day I'll only hangout with someone every couple of weeks, and I'll only ever hang out with a group of people every couple of months. It's easy though especially when days just seem to go by like hours. I think it's cause since I grew up in such a small community, then come middle school I suddenly had to move, and BAM! the town I move to is completely filled with jack asses. My siblings don't know how lucky they where, since the high school was located in the same town as the middle school (and since they where already enrolled at the high school) they had already made friends in the new town. Granted the people my siblings would call friends would also accept me for me purely on the fact they liked my brothers and sister. Meanwhile I pretty much had to fend for myself. I never adapted to the new crowds, not even in high school (none of the kids from my old home town went to the high school I was going to) so I pretty much remained a loner who people at least had the common curtsey to say hi to when he walked by them in the halls.

That was about it though my relationship with most people never really evolved outside of school. I guess it was fear. A fear I had based on the fact I have ADD and Bi-Polar disorder, and a fear they have because they just didn't know how to accept someone so different. I still got on without parties, without having to see a "friend" every week or having something to do every day, very boringly I got along. That's just it though, it's starting to get boring staying every day and night, with no job, or friends, or anything to do. I'm so sick of not doing anything with anyone I finally want to do something with someone. Problem is i have few friends left from high school, so i don't have the years of bonding required to do so. I just wish there was some group of people out there I fit in with like the surfers my oldest brother used to hang out with, or the art crowd my sister hung out with, or the stoner metal heads my older brother is friends with. A lot of the time though I feel like I'm a combination of all three of those cliches.



Belushi87
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20 Apr 2014, 4:32 am

i have the same problem.
no matter if i was the one making the plans to hang out, nobody wants to accept my invite.
i never hang out with people because they cancel on me last minute.



GiantHockeyFan
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20 Apr 2014, 8:25 am

Yes and a perfect example would be my hockey groups. I am well liked but both groups had end of year parties. The first did not even invite me and the second I only heard about heading out the door. The son of one of the regulars said "you should come to XYZ tavern." I showed up expecting 4-5 guys but EVERYONE was there. Made it hard to have a good time knowing you were the only one not formally invited even though I was treated well. Sure, they could have honestly forgotten but this happens ALL THE TIME!! If I make the plans people usually politely decline unless I literally do all the legwork for them.

Same with dating right now. Women seem to like me but when I offer to get to know them better (like a second date or a home invite) they either decline or make some ridiculous excuse. I almost wish everyone hated me some days at least it would make some sense. I have now had SIX date cancellations in a row, most on the same day or evening.



namaste
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20 Apr 2014, 9:03 am

same here lost my job recently asked to leave due to poor social skills
had one odd friend at workplace other then that everyone else at workplace avoided me
and found me odd
the entire colony is empty one odd friend here moved into other city
so no neighbours
no other friends
relatives dont like me they make fun of me calling me names
yes i my parents were schizo, antisocial and schizoid personalities
they wont allow me to mingle too.

Now i dont fit in anywhere..........just home alone whole day
the depression support group i created on FB consist of all guys
one of them flirts extensively with me.....
i dont attendd the meetings since men and women mingling freely here in india is taboo

cant work due to being bullied and teased
and yes i was diagnosed bipolar 2 a year back....off meds though


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Naturalist
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20 Apr 2014, 10:21 am

I didn't have regular social interactions with people until I got a professional position which allowed me to have colleagues at work. That means by default I get invited to events (because everyone does) and some people have gotten to know me better than they might have otherwise. But if it's something casual like going for coffee, I'm still pretty much an afterthought at best. Occasionally I have a few friendly acquaintances over to my house for a movie, and everyone seems to enjoy it, but I always have to be the one to make the arrangements. I try to invite three or four people to those so that if one or two cancel, I still am not alone. But I only do this every few months, because scheduling is so frustrating as everyone I know is very busy with other things.

It does seem to work better when you have a group of acquaintances who have a common interest with one another, such as you all like reading poetry or watching mystery films, or going to art galleries or live music, or going hiking or bicycling...you get the idea. Because that way the attraction to attending one of those activities is the activity itself, with the added benefit of being around people who also enjoy doing the same thing. Look for a local club to start attending. One caveat: I have attended a lot of interest groups without ever making friends, because I become so focused on the activity itself, that I forgot to try socialize! But even then, sometimes it feels good just to be out of my house, and not entirely lost in my own mind.



Stargazer43
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20 Apr 2014, 10:49 am

I've felt the way for most of my life. I have never gotten the impression that anyone disliked me. I just feel like I'm not considered interesting enough or something for people to want to keep me around for social events.

For a recent example, I had a group of about 10 friends in college that I would hang out with occasionally. I felt like they enjoyed having me around, but I never really felt like they accepted me as "one of the group". One day they all planned a vacation to go hiking in the mountains, and I was the only one from the group who didn't get invited...I didn't even know about it until after they got back. I'm probably the biggest hiker of any of them, and they knew that, so it kind of hurt me that they didn't even consider me. That's just one example of many.

At work on the other hand, I feel like I'm everyone's favorite person in the world...when they want my help with something or want me to work on a project. But, once I've given them my share of work ethic/skills, they just stop socializing with me until they have something else that they need help with.



GiantHockeyFan
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20 Apr 2014, 12:10 pm

How ironic that I just had a 40 year old female coworker just ask to meet with me over 'coffee' at lunch next week. This is the first time anyone has asked me in....well since I became an adult at least. She's not my type at all but to be asked is a huge first step for me. It just frustrates me that nobody invites me anywhere. Sure, I might not be a big drinker and don't like the nightlife scene but they could at least ask me themselves! It's not like I don't know how to behave myself or that I embarrass anyone!



poppyfields
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20 Apr 2014, 7:44 pm

This is totally me. I seem well liked. I'm not an angry aspie, I'm not having oublic meltdowns. Yet, I can't turn acquaintances into friends. It makes me so sad and I wonder what in the hell is wrong with me. At work, everyone has their group of friends. I get along well with my coworkers yet I'm the only one who isn't friends with everyone on facebook, the only one who no one will sit by just to talk, the only one who asks to join others but no one ever asks to join me.

I don't get it. No one knows I have AS so it can't be stigma. I don't think I act weird or too far out of the norm. I don't stim. I'm frustrated. All I want is a friend. I had more luck in high school but since then, nothing.