alright, I'll post something here...

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I joined this site recently and posted a few times in other areas, but I thought I might as well come here and say hi.

Hi.

Anyway, I've never been diagnosed, but I've suspected for about a year now that I was somewhere on the spectrum. The chances are very likely as autism does run in my family (although most deny it). It's frustrating, though, because I had no idea my brain could actually be wired differently from most people, so my whole life I had no way to deal with my weaknesses. I've always felt like I've watch everyone passing me by in life, and not sure why I kept falling behind.

I've always sorta lived in my own little world. Or I would visit other worlds through books or movies. I didn't understand this world at all, so I'd only visit whenever I had to. I have an extremely vivid imagination, and I could "live" there for hours. This wasn't a problem so much when I was a kid; I was just a shy day-dreamer. This doesn't work so well as an adult, however. People expect regular contact from me or something. Not sure exactly what they want, and I try to listen if they talk to me, but I rarely initiate conversation, and most conversations are usually quick "hi how are you" "i'm fine how are you" "something something" "ok bye"... Most people I don't know well I just avoid unless they talk to me. Apparently, this comes across as being rude...? I had no idea. I was just trying to be invisible.

I went through a period of depression a few years ago. Actually, it was a period of more-severe-depression-than-usual. I feel like I've regressed into more "eccentric" behavior since then. I do work full time, but other than that, I'm at home either reading, on the computer, or binge-watching tv. The idea of leaving the house for anything is exhausting, even if it's something I would like to do. If it's something I'd rather avoid, I put it off as long as possible.

I've mentioned my suspicions to a few people and got the "but I know someone with aspergers, and you're nothing like them" response every time. My mom accused me of using it as an excuse. An excuse for what, exactly? Does she think I like being this way? My aunt surprised me, though. I listed off some common aspie traits, and she was like, "yeah, that does sound like our family. I might have it, too." She imparted some wisdom (her own personal coping skills), and we had a good chat. If only it were that easy with everyone!

Whew. That felt good to get off my chest.

Um...yeah. Nice to meet you all.

Hi Starbead

Yeah...excuse for what? You're supporting yourself!

What do you do for a living? if you don't mind me asking.

I'm sort of, kinda a hermit myself, even though I'm married to someone.

I've never had a vivid imagination--I do write poetry, though.

I enjoy "conjuring up" imaginations.

Welcome to the Forum

Thanks for the welcome.

I'm an hourly manager at a fast food restaurant. It was the first job I got years ago (I worked my way up to manager). I never intended to stick with it so long, but I've gotten used to it, and I'm not really sure how to find something else. I've quit twice already and moved away for school, but when that failed, I ended up back here. They like me here, at least. I'm a hard worker, even if I don't really like managing. I'm realizing now that it probably isn't a good fit for me anyway. It requires quite a bit of interaction with people, which is probably why I'm so drained when I get home. (It all makes sense now!)

I think my mom was referring more to my lack of a social life. She really wants grandkids. I want to get married, but I am sorta picky (I don't have high standards, necessarily, but there are some specific things I'm looking for) and I'm afraid of commitment. And I don't understand people. Social interaction with most people is almost physically uncomfortable to me, like an electric shock going up my spine. Makes it hard to meet someone.

You have to be at least somewhat choosy in your choice of a life-partner.

This is not the Land of Arranged Marriages LOL.

Don't just settle for anybody. You have to live with this person (whom you marry) for at least a few years. Think about compatibility as well as physical desires.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome to the Planet!

Welcome welcome!