People who are weird and mean but everyone respects them

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I know a woman in her 50's who can be very nasty to people (like verbally attacking), isn't very knowledgeable, can be very selfish, only seems to care about her ''boyfriend'' (she has been nasty to him before but he still seems to adore her), acts snobby even though she just lives a common life, and a lot of people who know her have said that there's something not right about her.

But at the same time, everybody seems to love her. Her colleagues (some of them I know) are the ones that have called her strange and she's even got in a mood with them over silly little things, but they still all seem to flock around her, and the men flirt with her like anything (I have seen that many times), even though she's getting older and says she dislikes flirting with men, unless she is denying it. Loads of customers seem to know who she is more than any of the other workers there, and they all seem to love talking to her and say how wonderful she is.

But I have seen the nasty side to her, and it kills me on the inside that she can have so much respect from people, even those that she has been ignorant or mean to in the not too distant past. Some people have even said that a lot of people wouldn't trust her because I've seen it for myself; she twists gossip round to make it sound worse, and she also throws stupid lies at you and thinks you are stupid enough to believe them when actually it is very obvious that they are lies, even a little kid can figure it out.

I have read in multiple different articles about how to be well-respected and get a lot of friends and be interesting, and all the key words that come up are ''passive, polite, nice, understanding, honest'', etc etc etc, but for this woman it seems all she has to do is click her fingers and everybody loves her. How do these sort of people do it? I wish I could be like that.

I think I have seen this happen, but I don't understand it any more than you do. It's strange and unsettling. Sometimes I think some people are held to higher behavioural standards than others, but can't figure out why that might be, if it is true.

I remember 4 years ago around this time when a 15 year old boy very similar to that woman was here on WP attacking certain members and he seemed to be very popular. I don't miss those days.

She is selfish, nasty and untruthful but she is confident about herself. People like her because they get a piece of her confidence. She is true no matter what and she simply doesn't care what other think about her so people feel save to interact with her. She might be nasty and say lies but she is predictable. What they see is what they get. They know what she will do so they are not afraid of her. She might say hurting words but she is not the type that will pretend to be your friend or be actually your friend, get mad and then gossip about your worst secrets as "polite" people can do. She tells lies about people but it is better than getting your secret out. You can prove a lie is a lie but if a real secret gets out the only thing you can do is being ashamed.


Also. Sometimes being nasty is actually a shield protecting a soft inner self. Someone rude on the outside might actually be afraid of being hurt so she/he attacks first.
Some people might want to find the hidden self. The shell might actually contain a beautifully pearl. I think the "pearl seeking" might be true for her boyfriend. Apparently he already managed to find it since he stays by her side and she cares about him now.

I had a job coach who was incredibly nasty and ignorant. She said and did whatever she felt like and made my other co-workers miserable. She was also very unprofessional. For instance she called me "Little Miss Priss" and thought it was okay.

Anyway I got her into trouble because I don't think she was very nice and everyone at work seemed to sweep the situation under the rug and blame me. I also finally had the guts to put in her in her place because I got sick of her.

I heard "Why are you being so mean to her? Are you mad at her? She was never mean to anyone else." I also heard that the co-workers at my job trying to cover her own butt.

Probably your run of the mill psychopath. They are charismatic creatures.

Oh no I never abused the job coach. She would come in and seem to put everyone down and constantly say really negative things to other people.

1. One time I was crying she insulted me by saying "Oh stop crying or you will look like that tomato over there." She pointed to a fake stuffed apple with a smiley face sitting on one of the computers.
2. Another co-worker was wearing ribbons in her hair of certain colors because it was the holiday season. This job coach came over and ran her mouth off. "Ewww...I hate that college football team."

There were other countless times she said things like that. Then she would stand really close to her clients to the point of making us feel uncomfortable.

The day that I said something she tried to approach me and I accidentally had told her not to "Touch me." Then I apologized and said "I mean not to get that close." Then I explained that most people on the spectrum don't like that type of closeness. I had asked her many times not to stand that close and she did not listen.

She moved on to the next client and basically started patronizing her and again standing really close to her to the point of intimidation. I heard her say "Smile, smile, smile, what's the matter with you?" I chimed in "You know I appreciate your concerns but she does not have to do so all the time. Besides you would not know what is going on in someone's life." This caused her to leave the room and evidently break down. She also spread it around that I was acting paranoid about the whole "Touching," comment while not giving the whole story.

So I got scolded while no one was willing to listen to my side.

To some people, all strength is desirable even if it's nastiness. It's just something they flock to.

OKAY GUYS
This is something I've observed in other people too--not necessarily MEAN people all the time, but people who just aren't that cool or charming, or people who are maybe as*holes sometimes...

Certain people (often sociopaths, but not always) have this weird "charisma" about them that draws other people to them...I have a couple friends like that. The funny thing is, I'm COMPLETELY immune to any supposed charisma they have, but I've seen its effects on other people and I've talked to others who feel the charisma. I'm wondering if people like us--Autistic people--are immune to that charisma because we don't naturally pick up on those subtle body language and tone things that make other people like those people so much. And even if we learned how to spot those things, it doesn't inherently have the same effect on us as it does on others since for us it's a learned thing, while for others it's an innate thing.

...this is just my crazy conspiracy theory. But I've seen this a lot and it's really strange. Two of my friends are like this, and it kind of frustrates me because people treat them better than they should and let them get away with a lot of crap, and then when I don't take any crap from those friends, it kind of throws them off. It's not that they're bad people; they're just imperfect and when everyone else treats them like they're better than they are, it can (understandably) give them some ego issues.

That kind of thing may have happened with the woman; she might have gotten used to everyone thinking she's better than she is, to the point where she believed it...and also got so used to everyone else taking crap from her that she didn't even notice she was doing anything wrong, or thought she was special and the rules didn't apply to her (because, as far as most others are concerned, they don't).

Oh, yeah, I have a sociopath too...unlike yours, mine (supposedly) can actually feel empathy for others, but he says he can turn it on and off, and that he doesn't want to turn it off because then he'd be no better than some of the really screwed up sociopaths. I worry about him and those around him because he does have that charisma that draws a lot of people to him...there really needs to be more people who won't take any of his s**t. People even think he's sexy when he's not.