The Lonely Position of Neutral

Post Reply New Topic

I thought that would be the fitting title to this post I am about to make. You see I'm just stuck in the same place right now. The same place I have been in 22.5 years, and each day is getting worse and worse as more of my friends/peers are branching off.

It was a little over 3 months ago that I last tried to ask a girl out. She was a girl who rode the bus to the parking lot at my work, was around my age, and was very attractive. I had seen her a couple times in the past ride the bus, but she usually got on a different one as at the end of the day, a bus would come about every 10 mins. to pick up the next batch of people. So I vowed the next time I saw her, I would talk to her and ask her if she wanted to meet up for lunch in the concourse (work in a huge agency).

So anyway instead of talking to her on the bus, the process was simplified as she was waiting in line for the bus at the terminal when I got there. I smiled and said hi and just mentioned how nice the weather was getting. That was all I said. Nothing weird, not in a weird tone, I didn't make odd eye contact, nothing. I was just being confident and loose, I really don't think I'm that bad looking of a guy and she just basically blasted me in front of other people who were waiting for the bus, thinking I was going to ask her out. Sure that was my intention in the long-run, but I was just making conversation and was just going to ask her to lunch as a friend. I didn't understand why it went like that and I was so embarrassed. After this, I haven't talked to a single girl my age, sans my best friend's girlfriend of 2 years, and this girl that one of my friends works with at a restaurant, and she usually comes over when we all go there to eat, usually talking more to everyone else.

I just can't understand why I'm not able to even have a platonic friendship with a girl. I'm going on 23 and this has not happened yet. I tried getting in contact with this girl I graduated college with last year and we texted back and forth a little on what we've been up to in the past 6 months, and she just stopped responding in the middle of a convo. Then literally a couple days after I was turned down, I saw a girl I graduated high school with and then had a couple classes in my 1st year of college with. We didn't talk in high school: she was popular, I was just a ghost, but we enjoyed each other's company in class. We exchanged numbers, did projects/homework/studied together but then I asked her to go to a popular seasonal outside burger joint near the school after class but she said she was busy, and I knew it was basically this: "You know the deal between us. I don't mind being an acquaintance but outside of college, were not going to hang out." We only exchanged greeting and my father, who was in the car, wondered why I wasn't friends with her. What did I tell him: "You wouldn't get it. You don't know the deal."

It's just so upsetting. He doesn't show it but my father is so disappointed in me because I don't have a girlfriend, my mother, sister, and other family members always bring it up and it just bothers me. I just want everyone to leave me alone, but no matter what I say, I still get questioned all the time. I have even been questioned in my sexuality before and not that there is a problem with it, but I'm simply not homosexual.

On top of that I have many friends that aren't as available anymore because they have a girl in their life. One of my best friends, who I have known for almost all my life, barely talks to me anymore. We used to talk a good bit at least 2x a week if we weren't hanging out and now unless I text/call him I don't hear from him. Other friends brag about their dates and "experiences" when we go out to eat and stuff and it just irks me.

Then I have maybe 2 or 3 friends that were like me and never really had a friend that was a girl, but in the last couple years, they have all broke-through in that category too. The most recent friend is the one I'm most upset about. We usually talk about everything and in the past we would both kind of sulk about not having a girlfriend, while our other friends did. Last Friday, I was gonna ask him and a few others if they wanted to come over to watch some pre-season football and he just said he couldn't. I knew something was peculiar, but I didn't need to know exactly what he was doing.

Well on Saturday, me and a bunch of friends were gonna play football. My and my other friend Ben were there before everyone else and we were just talking when he tells me that "Mike had a date last night." It just didn't make any sense why he wouldn't let me know that, but tell everyone else in our group of friends. That's happened a good bit recently where I am left out of the loop of something. Not that I need to know anyone's business but I've known the kid over 10 years and he spent about an hour talking about it to Ben, who has only known for a couple years? I don't know maybe he was getting advice from him or something, cause Ben always tells us about his "escapades." Apparently a lady he rides the bus with had a daughter that was our age and had the same birthday as Mike, so others joked it was a "match made in heaven," and then the mother and Mike seriously set it up and they exchanged numbers...well the daughter's number. To be honest, and I don't wanna put him down, but he is actually way worse around girls then me. He gets all fidgety and nervous, so the online route or this odd circumstance was really the only way he could get a date.

So while I haven't talked to a girl in person, I have tried alternate methods of possibly finding someone. I tried Tinder and seriously I haven't gotten 1 like in 4 months. Even Mike showed me he was sifting through a list of girls. I just don't get it anymore. You mean to tell me not one person liked me...and it's not like I was being picky about who I liked, I probably thumbed up around 500 girls in the couple months.

I don't know even friend wise, it hasn't been a good couple months. I've said this before but seriously unless I make the effort and call/text someone, I usually don't hear from them. I bet I could go a whole month without hearing from anyone. It's just so upsetting. Then you know I hear things like my best friend and his girlfriend going to the lake for the weekend, or my friend had a little get together that was last minute and I didn't get invited but most of the other guys did. Just stuff like that.

I'm just really depressed about it all. I've got a great job, new car, I'm financially stable, healthy, and have a roof over my head, but I am very lonely most of the time. I can't for the life of me figure out why after 22 and a half years, I am still stuck in this position of neutral.

Dude it is time for you to wake up! A car? A great job? Financially stable? And you are only 22. Just sit and meditate on that.
You have the keys to open more doors. Don't sulk too deeply into these categories--take it from someone who is just now coming
to terms with my loneliness and being single.

I know how it feels many times, progressively, to get rejected. I admit, that girl shouldn't have blasted you like that--but I think you
dodged a bullet. You don't want girls like that; ones that get attitudes just because they can. You want one that is understanding and
able to have laughter.

At least you have the courage to talk to them in person. That's big in terms of Asperger's. All I can say is don't take dating personally.
Girls have the right to choose whatever they want: jerks, rich, poor or whatever. If a girl is not interested, right away leave her alone.
Don't stick around and orbit, or be a "friend"--move on to the next. A girl takes too long to text back? Find another girl and text her.
You have way more options than you think--especially online. You cannot make people think like you want them to.

Me personally, I don't make friends with girls I know I am attracted to--especially if I already asked them out. Because what happens is
they'll get a BF and even though you think it's not gonna bother you, it is. Because it's like; what he's got that I don't? Then if you orbit around her long enough, she'll get to venting to you about him or somewhat talking to you about him. I ain't having that.
Be like a man that's going his own way. f**k what other people think about.

It is your life. So what if your dad is mad that you don't have a GF. You'll get one when you get one dammit! If your friends and family start to keep bringing it up tell them; I'd not like to talk about this, could you guys please respect that.
My mom wants me to have kids so bad. I don't care. I can't take care of them. Is she gonna take care of them? I think not. So, she needs to adopt a grandchild or something. I don't care.

About friends moving on--it happens man. Most my guy acquaintances got married (terrible decisions) or had kids. I think some just gave up on life and just decided to do that. Find some other like-minded individuals like you, and make friends with them. It is not impossible to make guy friends. Me personally I can block that "experiences with girls" talk out. But if they start talking about it, redirect the convo
to somewhere else or kindly tell them you don't want to talk about girls at this time. Me, I'd say: I don't wanna talk about this s**t right now dude.
Maybe then, they'll get the picture.

As far as online social sites go. Don't be a white knight. Girls love attention. They need validation. It can be from a stranger--they don't care--it's for ego.
If I am on Facebook or any other site that has "Likes" and I see girl post a provocative, slu*ty, thirst-trapping picture--or status--I don't comment or like it. When a girl posts a great facial picture or one with nice clothing on, then I comment and like. Don't give girls attention they don't need. It cracks me up because a girl will post a thirst trap picture and guys a drooling under it saying: "You're gorgeous, you're beautiful,". They've heard this a billion times. They just haven't heard it as of lately so they make the pics.

All I am saying is zone in there man. I know it's tough. Especially for me on the weekends and Fridays. I haven't had female company in forever. Haven't even been touched by one. Starting to consider saving up to get a damn massage even!
But do not dwell very long on this. You are only 22 man!
You can find out ways to better your career or find out something greater to do. Music helps too. It keeps your mind off certain things.

I agree with just about everything you said and I appreciate your comments. The fact is though with each passing day I grow more dissatisfied, more depressed, and more like a disappointment. I feel like I am not a real man and it really sucks.

Don't feel bad. I haven't dated much. I'm 34, going to college, no car(by choice, I live next to campus), and rent. I'm a minimalist, so I can fit everything I own into my backpack. I don't have time to get a job, as I am a chemistry major and spend all my time studying. Women seem to judge men for what they have, car, job, ect, and not for who they are as a person. Kind of sad, really, and a reflection of our materialistic society.

I'm talking to a couple in my classes, I'll see how it goes. Not much time to date, anyways, though.

Being a real man comes from within. It isn't about what you own or how much money you can make. Sure, I'll make decent money as a chemist, but it is more important that I enjoy my job.