I like my friend who has Aspergers... advice please O.O
This is my first post here :s
So here goes...
I have a friend whom I adore very much. I am an 18 year old neurotypical girl and he is a 19 year old with Aspergers. My friend has never dated. We've known each other for a good...4 years? Well I'm shy when it comes to dating people...I have never dated anyone before myself but I do try to flirt and hint towards him in hopes that he will notice my feelings... But I read online that hinting to a guy with Aspergers may not always work, and that you sometimes have to tell them. I am to scared to tell him anything, because I'm afraid i'll scare him away or something.
Recently things have been different with him.
We've been hanging out together(a lot more than we did before, I ask and he's always up for it)(a couple of times he wanted to hang out and he asked me to lunch, movies ect.)
We've hung out just the two of us plenty of times now and each time we started in a group of friends, he"accidentally" loses the other people we were hanging out with(or he'll want to go look at something and he'll take me with him to go look at it.) From there it's just us two walking around without the group.
Everyone thinks we're dating, but we're not...I don't know why, I just think that he doesn't like me that way or maybe he doesn't want to say anything either. It feels like we are though because we're always together and because of the way we act. I told him I like when he tells his jokes, and then all of a sudden it's like he's always trying to make me laugh. I go over to his house and spend the night staying up late laughing and stuff with him and when we hang out he usually tries to show off more than usual...
I think he may like me, I wish we could have something more. I am afraid to even mention this to him, I worry he will become distant and uncomfortable with me if I did...
So.... What do you think?
Do you think he likes me more than a friend or is he just being what a best guy friend should act like?
What should I do, keep our friendship the way it is or say something to him?
He seems to like you, but there's no guarantee. I (an aspie guy myself) have been told after the fact a few times that so-and-so girl was flirting with me when I was oblivious, so he may simply be oblivious to your flirtation. Have you broken the touch barrier? That's a much bigger hint, without being too direct.
I hug him when I leave, and then he'll hug me back. A couple of times i'd put my head on his shoulder when we're chilling out and stuff. He doesn't seem to mind, but it surprises him, I feel him jump a little bit but he rolls with it and let's me. I figure it's okay, he hasn't told me to stop so I guess he's okay with it. ._.' I do try to touch him on the arm or hand subtly to, but I don't think he notices really :\
The two biggest reassurances any guy is looking for that a girl likes him and (and still wants him the longer things go on for) is her presence and her physical touch. This guy may not even understand that yet. You need assurances that he wants to be with you and he doesn't seem to understand that either. I'd chalk up this so far to inexperience. You may need to have the discussion and say things like "I like you." You may need to tell him what assurances you are looking for if he likes you too.
_________________
Your Aspie score: 130 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 88 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
Honestly, I do not understand why people come here asking for relationship advice involving somebody on the spectrum when the advice sought after has little to nothing to do with being on the spectrum. I mean, if he does then he has obviously hinted in some way and you've yet to fully catch on, so it's clearly not something specific to AS. We do not know him and therefore have no idea whether or not he likes you, so your best bet is just telling/asking him.
goldfish21
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Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 41
Gender: Male
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Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
That's likely an AS thing. He either startles easily or it's a sensory thing & the way he feels your touch is amplified.
Anyways, I think you should either say or do something to blatantly let him know you're interested in him in that way - especially since it sounds like he's into you and just too shy to say so, and probably for the same fears you have. Either say something or give him a little kiss the next time you hug or something - but whatever you say or do, be blatant about it and then you'll find out whether he's into you in that way or not. No sense in wondering and not finding out!
Worst case scenario is that you have an awkward moment, then have a talk about how you want to remain friends just the way you have been if he's not into a relationship with you. If he's truly your friend, he'll be ok with that. And as an Aspie he'll see the logic in your wanting to find out, as well as in remaining close friends vs. allowing it to come between you. But from the sounds of things I don't think you have to worry about rejection. I bet he'll be relieved that you said it and he didn't have to work up the courage to do it himself.
_________________
No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.
Tell him how you feel. Lord knows if there was ever a woman who liked me as more than a friend I sure never knew it, because they never said anything. And what a world of difference it would've made if one of them had said, "I like you."
Yes, there's the risk it might not be reciprocal. It could be awkward, painful even. But you might also change his life. He might be like me. He might not know what it's like to be liked by someone else. For him it might as well be an alien concept, something reserved for other people, not him.
So do it. Do it. Do it.
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