Don't flirt with me that way!

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[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gTFljCRnGN4[/youtube]

I recently came across this video on YouTube about how to flirt effectively. The last 30% or so is devoted to how men should flirt with women, and I was surprised and confused because, honestly, none of the things they suggest are things I would be attracted to.

They suggest men should be dominant, take up as much space as possible, and move around, as well as touching other men in a social way. When I see people like that, I kind of think "eww, I have nothing in common with that person" and try to ignore them. I assume they are some kind of macho stereotype.

Rather, I am drawn to the quiet, pensive guy in the room, who kind of fades into the background and is genuine and a little shy/awkward. So, men with autistic tendencies, I suppose. I feel less threatened by them and more interested in getting to know them. Not to say that confidence is a bad thing, but super-extroverted, dominant, boisterous behavior is certainly a turn-off for me.

Can any other women relate to what I am saying? And aspie men, I hope this boosts your belief that women can appreciate you for who you are! You do not have to be a macho stereotype to get interest, you only have to be yourself

-Elanor

Being attracted to is one thing... initiating contact is another. That being said, if you see this guy in the corner do you go up to him or do you wait for him to make the move? If he's there quiet and all its almost guaranteed he will stay there. So... you may be attracted to him, he may be attracted to you but the meet never happens. Its a.. both at fault kind of thing.

Your choice of words is interesting too. 'Less threatened' ... is shaky grounds for choices in my opinion.. if a girl told me that she i'd be wondering if once she stops feeling threatened by other, more extroverted guys, she would jump ship...essentially end up being the stepping stone rather than a choice for her. (you have no idea how common this is for both sexes when the person is introverted-like).

That's where the 'dominant/confident' partly-true stereotype part kicks in. Not saying the obnoxiously extroverted ones but just someone who is extroverted enough... they tend to have more chances to make that contact because women in general will talk to them (either party initiating) and once/if a relationship starts the extroverted/dominance part (again not overboard) keeps him (or her, since this applies to both sexes) from becoming a stepping stone.

Yes, I have learned to make myself initiate contact, because the guys I like do tend to be the shy ones and I don't think men should always have to make the first move Feeling threatened is an important thing for me because I've been hurt in the past by people with a lot of bravado. In my experience the guys who are less outgoing are the ones who are genuinely nice underneath and worth the effort to get to know. I figure even if things don't get romantic they are going to be interesting and have more in common with me

I would rather go over and talk to the guy in the corner even if I'm insanely nervous than be propositioned by someone more aggressive who "takes up space" like they insinuate in the video. I would probably try to get away from the outgoing person not just because they make me frightened but because I assume they will turn out to be shallow and fake.

I'm not saying I'd want a guy to be totally passive. I want some reciprocity. But I don't mind putting out a little extra effort at the start for a better payoff

If only...I'm having trouble deciding whether or not I should ask anyone from work if they want to talk outside of it, though part of it has to do with facebook drama from my first job. I'll probably never work my way up to conventional flirting.

If you were in my city I'd have lunch with you any day

Lol. I don't often find myself sticking to one area at the parties/bar nights I go to in my area and that was a tip for success a well. I help organize meetups and as a result, I am expected to get to know people and talk with them and get to know them a little. This in turns encourages higher turnouts at future events. I can't say that I have had lots of people engage me thinking that I was interested in them or wanting to be with me. but I have had at least 2 or 3 occurrences within the last year where a lady didn't care that my girlfriend was in the environment, they gave me the look to try and entice me to come near them. One of those ladies was actually more direct and asked for my number right in front of my gf. I never spoke to her again obviously.

I'm a gay guy & I agree.. typically more interested in the shy interesting guy than the macho dominant type A guy.

No, I can't relate to you. I don't like ultradominant men that think they are tha bomb, but I don't like shy quiet guys either. I usually fall for guys that give me attention and make me smile, so yeah... Usually not the aloof kind of guy.