Advice on Interracial relationships

Post Reply New Topic

You're going to have to engage their culture if you want to become a part of them and marry into it. Meaning if you're only interested in them because of the sex, then you are going to have a bad time!

I am not OP, but as someone who is half Filipino and half white, here are things that have been said to me by white men:

1) You look very exotic. Was your father in the military? (A variation of "You look exotic, was your father a GI" from some stupid movie I don't remember the title of. Some may know what I'm referring to)

2) Where did you go to college? Wow. That's kind of an expensive school. It must be awesome to be a minority (implying that I received a scholarship for being Filipino. Sorry, buddy. Filipinos were no longer included as affirmative action beneficiaries since the late 1990s. Also, multiple statistical studies have shown that white people are three times more likely to get into college, law school, and medical school than people of any Asian descent, no matter the country or region).

3) So, what sex tricks do you have up your sleeve?

4) I know you're Catholic, but you don't mind premarital sex, do you? (I was raised Catholic. I constantly question the existence of God. But I never disclosed my religious beliefs or my attitudes about premarital sex. They just assumed)

5) Filipinos are the most beautiful women on the planet. They are the ones who make good wives. The Vietnamese are the ones you rent out for a night.

As someone who was actually born from relations between a white guy in the military and a poor prostitute, who desires to share nothing of that with the people I date, or anyone in person, these comments are hurtful. To most they seem to be jokes. This stuff isn't okay for me to hear. Interestingly I've only heard this stuff said from white guys, but for some reason I'm not totally shut off to people from that group. I have enough ethnic self-loathing issues as it is, I can honestly tell people that almost every line on my resume was accomplished in defiance of ethnic stereotypes (No, we aren't known for that intelligent mathiness you praise the Chinese, Koreans, and Japanese for. Most nurses I've met who come here from the Philippines are quite materialistic and go crazy at the prospect of dating a white guy. And only a white guy. Because naturally they have money and can give them attractive, lighter-skinned babies, you know? Stereotypes!), and I try not to put myself in situations where I'm constantly disrespected like this.

I don't know exactly what "racist" things OP is telling women that drives them away. But if it's stuff like what I've listed, well, I can't really blame them.

And yes, it carries off a creepy vibe. Like a kid wanting to collect every Pokemon trading card there is.

There ARE unique challenges to maintaining an interracial relationship, but imo people that assume that I (or anyone) have a different culture because I am not their colour is equally ignorant.

Even though I am Caublasian and not just white and asian, I totally recognize these things. The worst thing is that these (often) white men actually feel like they are paying you a compliment. They totally do not understand that it is extremely disrespectful, sexist and therefore OFFENSIVE to say this to an 'exotic' woman. I was once friends with a guy that I met trough the internet and we connected really well. Then one day we got to the subject of intimacy, and that it is necessary to let go to truly experience intimacy with your partner. I remember him saying: "Yeah, but for you it's easy to let go, because you are one of those incredibly hot-blooded mulattas". I was like: are you serious?
He totally didn't understand that I could be offended by that. What an inappropriate thing to say.