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314pe
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29 Sep 2014, 6:38 am

Hello everybody,

Throughout my life I've been blind to people showing interest in me. I've always thought that those people were simply being friendly and I've rarely did anything at all to get closer to them. I was wondering If you guys could tell me what do you think about the following situations.

There's this really cool girl who invited me for a drink twice. The last time we were drinking, she casually mentioned that she's going to this concert alone because her friend is busy. How likely is it that she wants me to go with her? Also on a different occasion, in a group setting, she said that she'd like to see some theater shows, but she doesn't like going to them alone. Am I imagining this or would she like me to go with her?

There's this another really nice girl I've met at a local social anxiety support group/meetup thing. We talked for a bit and she said that I seem normal (in a good way, I guess). I didn't notice anything special, but last night out of the blue she PMed me, asking how am I doing. Could it possibly mean that she likes me or is she just being polite?

EDIT: I don't mind if they like me only as a friend. I'd love to be their friend, but I don't want to miss a shot at something more if there's one. I really can't afford not taking a chance.



sacrip
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29 Sep 2014, 7:56 am

All those are very good signs. The next time you see the first one, say something like, "Hey, you mentioned the theatre the other day, and there's this show I wanted to see (you'll have to look up what shows are playing and when), and I thought you'd like to see it with me, what do you say?"


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RightGalaxy
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29 Sep 2014, 8:03 am

The first one wants to be asked out.
The second one may have contacted you because she may have been having an anxiety attack or just bad nerves due to loneliness and needed a response from a fellow support group member. Be friends with both of them and see where it takes you. But ALWAYS be a gentleman. You really can't get to know a person properly if you don't first start out as friends. If you jump into the romantic attraction thing, it turns into sex and pretty much, that's all it will be. When the break-up comes after a sexual relationship, a person can suffer even more because you'll feel "spent" yet didn't even get to truly know the person - sort of like playing house but with sex involved. This can be very frustrating and can leave a person feeling really empty inside. When you become friends with a person first and then it turns into a romance; even if you break up, it still feels like you HAD something. Sure it's still going to hurt but it's different in that you feel hurt but wholly human not like a shell of a person. If it happens that you need some sort of help from this person, most likely they will give it. If you ask something from a person who just had this big, fireworks, sexual thing with you, they won't help you. There's almost a deep seated feeling of shame when you are again face to face with a person who you made or they made into a sexual object. It just simply stinks! When you've had an affair with someone with whom you can still comfortably look in the eye, it makes you feel comfortable even after a break-up. In other words, you still have your dignity. Even though it's just your John Thomas - it really matters where you put it. Best kept to itself.



nerdygirl
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29 Sep 2014, 8:05 am

I don't know if they like you more than a friend or not, but these women are definitely communicating that they enjoy your company and wouldn't mind spending more time with you. Perhaps they are looking for a way to get to know you better so they can decide whether or not they like you as more than a friend.

Generally, women do not like to do things alone. Even though I am likely an Aspie, I still do not want to go to things all by myself. I feel safer and more confident if I have a buddy. Satrip gave you something good to say. If you are in another situation where she mentions something specific to do but says she has no one to do it with, you could say, "Would you like some company?" and if she says yes, say you'd like to go with her.

If a woman is asking you "out of the blue" how you're doing or what's going on, she likes you. People ask up on people they like/are particularly interested in. If someone isn't highly interested in you, you're "out of sight, out of mind." (I believe this is true across genders and between people of the same gender.)

Interest in you does not necessarily mean romantic interest. But a friendship could lead to something more down the road.



RightGalaxy
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29 Sep 2014, 8:06 am

sacrip wrote:
All those are very good signs. The next time you see the first one, say something like, "Hey, you mentioned the theatre the other day, and there's this show I wanted to see (you'll have to look up what shows are playing and when), and I thought you'd like to see it with me, what do you say?"


This is REALLY good advice!! This person told you what to actually DO about the advice I gave you. I think that's probably what you needed more. Nerdygirl gave you even more truly golden advice. Take this advice and go with it! let us know what happens - if you're comfortable telling.



Shau
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29 Sep 2014, 9:55 am

The second girl might not mean anything, but I would suspect that the first girl wants you to invite her to some kind of activity the two of you can enjoy.


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314pe
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30 Sep 2014, 4:09 am

RightGalaxy wrote:
The second one may have contacted you because she may have been having an anxiety attack or just bad nerves due to loneliness and needed a response from a fellow support group member. Be friends with both of them and see where it takes you.

I think you might be right. She wrote me the night before her first day at college. In the next message she said she was really anxious. She's ok now, but she still sends these rather long messages. Both of them are amazing and I wouldn't mind being a friend with either or both of them.

RightGalaxy wrote:
This is REALLY good advice!! This person told you what to actually DO about the advice I gave you. I think that's probably what you needed more. Nerdygirl gave you even more truly golden advice. Take this advice and go with it! let us know what happens - if you're comfortable telling.

I'll let you know. I'll see the second girl at our meeting next sunday. Our group is small and very informal so there should be plenty of chance to talk to her. One potential problem is that the first girl may be there as well.

Shau wrote:
The second girl might not mean anything, but I would suspect that the first girl wants you to invite her to some kind of activity the two of you can enjoy.

I will. I was planning to go to a show (alone) anyway.

Thanks for your advice. These things are obvious for most people but I'm not used to getting attention. Most people only talk to me when they need something from me.



SuperInferior
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30 Sep 2014, 11:54 am

Good luck
I'd agree the first girl shows more 'potential'. The second is being friendly, and sending you a message is more than being polite as she's going out of her way, but it sounds like she needs support. Which is fine but I wouldn't jump into anything where you're likely to offer more support than you get.
I'd work on being friends with both of them, they definitely have at LEAST that as an interest, and I'd focus on hanging out with the former, and probably just supporting the latter.
Up to you how you go about it but both sound pretty promising especially if you're open for friendship as well. =]


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Bei
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30 Sep 2014, 6:42 pm

I started falling in love with girls when I was 11. It started it with Blair Darrah in 6th grade. I had gain a sense of confidence to ask her on a date in the school. She didn't say yes or no she was quiet.
I use to draw her in math class doing work. We started hanging out and I thought this is true :heart: in first sight. Unfortunately she cheated on me in 7th grade. :cry:
I told myself I'm done with girls and why have emotions instead of sticking with logic.
================================================================================================================ :sunny:==================
In 7th grade I met Alex Struder she was like Megan Fox with freckles. I remember Blair and tried not to make the same mistake and get to know her. Everything went well :cheers: that we even made it to 8th grade, but than the unthinkable happened, she told me that she was going to a seperate school. I wanted to wish her a good bye :kiss: but she said just wait.

At 9th grade I met other girls named Kaylie Jones, then McKlayne Fitzgerald, Blair again, and Madison Anderson. Even though Kaylie was blond I broke up with her because she's too tall. I wanted to be with Mcklayne because she reminded me of Blair and Alex combined. I was being nice to her but she turned me down. I then decided to go back to be Blairs to find she has someone. :x knowing this and presuading her to be my girl friend agian to get a no i told her fine just kill me. :cry: :skull: I know, I went insane but she told let's just be best friends. :cry: :| that broghut back together. Then Madi i would fall for her the only problem is I have white skin and she has dark skin I thought maybe it's better to go back to Alex, and so I did. I tried to contact her in the summer but she nevered pick up. I thought you've been listening to your heart too much let Technology handle it.

I used a love app and typed a specific but mainly real girl's name. I typed the ones I met and a mystery girl I complimented her singing in 9th Grade, her name was Kayo Tanzawa-Kim only these two made it to 90% or over. I started being with Kayo but I typing this to :idea: all girls just want to be with their friends and are not ready to date.



314pe
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01 Oct 2014, 3:02 am

SuperInferior, thanks. Yes, focusing on hanging out with the former is a good idea. Besides, the latter girl lives an hour away. I'm very open for friendship.

Bei, thanks for sharing. :)



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05 Oct 2014, 1:45 am

Sounds like they like you.