Help and re- assurance needed again. ! !!

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Hey.
So..... after managing to survive my son's wedding in Florida , 6 months ago I have now to endure my daughter's wedding in a few weeks time . This one is in out local town BUT on top of worrying about whether I'll wake up on the day wth a blazing Migraine , worrying about the say itself - the arrangements , what I look like , whether there'll be any food I can eat or even have the appetite to eat , all the flamin people (170 ) , the noisy music and I may have to have a dance with my daughter in front of EVERYONE !?

My main worry is the damn bride's father's SPEECH in front of all those people .

I can't even speak out loud in out morning meetings where there is only 20 people .


I'm so scared but I've been told its expected of me , tradition and all that . The groom's family are Italian and take it all very seriously . A few of them are looking forward to making speeches ! !!
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I'm losing nearly 3lb a week just by hardly eating

Dunno.

It's a single day. It's not like anything depends on it really. Obviously you want your daughter to have a good day, but short of the groom not turning up, she will.

Even if it's grim for you, like I said it's a single day. It's not something which will go on for days or weeks. Personally I find alcohol nicely takes the edge off loud music and makes me less self-conscious in front of other people. Not recommending getting blind drunk; just enough so you get a relaxed buzz and don't care any more.

Oh goodness. Have you written a speech? definitely write it. Are you okay to walk your daughter down the aisle? I am sure that is what will mean the most to her. And as far as the dance. Just have her pick a slow sweet song where you can just hug her basically and slow dance with her. That is what my dad did with my sister because he is disabled and has limited mobility. I did not make him do a dance at my wedding. They just kind of hugged and rocked back and forth. It was not the dance itself that mattered but the beautiful sweet moment of love and affection from a proud dad and his beautiful and grateful daughter. It's the bond between them that is the significance of the father/daughter dance, not the actual dance. And when you dance with her, don't look at the other people, just look at her and think of how much you love her and how proud and thankful you are that she is your little girl all grown up and beautiful in her wedding gown. It's not about the other family or about the other people, this day is about your daughter and your new son becoming a part of your family and everyone else is just there.

As far as sensory overload, that is a tough one at a wedding. You may need to escape outside for a bit during the reception. Hopefully your daughter understands your needs and has planned to make it more mellow. But I am sure she will understand if you need to duck out for a bit. As far as the other guests, you can't worry about what they think. Maybe your wife can cover for you if you need to duck away.

^Yeah. What she said.

Do you even have to dance with your daughter? I was at my cousin's daughter's wedding a few weeks ago, and I don't think my cousin even danced with his daughter. Even if he had done, doubt anyone would've noticed. They were all too busy sitting around at the tables, necking back the free booze and talking. Nobody was watching the dancers.

Edit: Sometimes I think I underrate my family. They're just used to me being weird, so I don't really have to put up any front around them. If I didn't feel like giving a speech, I wouldn't. Conventions don't interest me much.

The joke scroll, that is really cute. They will get a good laugh out of that. I think that is a great idea. And for the actual speech, short and sweet is best. Tell your baby girl how beautiful she is, tell the boy how lucky he is he is to have her and that you love him too, welcome him to your family and there you go, all done.

I'd sure be glad of any more advice / suggestions ! !

Can this thread be moved to a busier section ?

Should it be in the help section or something ?

My two cent..
Breathing ?essential to practice yoga style breathing before the big day, there are many tutorials on youtube. Personally, focusing on technically precise breathing in stressful situations gives me a momentary break from anxiety, just enough to lessen its intensity. Breathe like this for the speech before yours, by practicing in the weeks before you can learn to do this with subtlety.

When you stand up to address the guests pick points on the back walls to focus on, just above people?s faces, you don?t have to look at anyone, only at the hairline of the guests at the back. This can be a brief sweep, left to right, turn and focus the delivery of your speech to your daughter and her Groom, toast them and that part is over.

Keep your thoughts about the steps you will take as simple as possible. The scroll as a prop is an excellent idea, and I like the above posters suggestions too.

 I've just actually recorded an audio version of my speech and as things stand , I'm planning on having it played "live" when my moment arrives .
It's gonna feel a bit weird hearing myself talking but I think it's better than passing out in front of everyone ...

Well we just had the practice run through tonight and sadly it appears that the in laws are expecting me to do the decent thing. .....

Very thankful to those lovely people who have taken the time to respond in such helpful ways .

BUT I am constantly amazed and at the same so very disappointed with the number of replies these type of threads get in here .

Isn't this supposed to be the HUB of autistic activity , a place to come when you need help , advice or just re - assurance that you're not alone or the only one with these "odd " feelings and obsessiive ways ....


Why if we " supposedly" have 80,000 ( I'm beginning to doubt these figures now ) do so few people take the time to respond .

I tell everyone what a wonderful place this is , a place where we can "belong" so to speak and it's great reading all the threads from like minded people BUT when push comes to shove and you need help ..... it comes in very small measures .

THREE people out of 80,000 took the time to help me at this torrid time ... A BIG thanks to each of you !

The rest need to get your act together to be honest .

I just dont get it ! !

Hope the emotional heaven of seeing your daughter married overcomes the sensory hell

Just a quick update to anyone whose interested .. .

As you can see I survived the trauma

To cut the story short ..... Friday midnight ( with the wedding the following day) .

I decided that my recorded speech wasn't good enough so I did another 27 takes / versions and two hours later I had cut them down to six , slightly differing options .. Then the next morning I got a text from the groom asking how I was feeling ( everyone knew I was stressing about the wedding and in particular the speech ) .... So I mentioned that I had 6 speeches to choose from and that I was still nervous about them playing the speech through speakers whilst everyone was sat down looking at me .... I also mentioned that the good thing was that I'd lost 6lb in a few weeks through not eating ...

Anyways, he rang me immediately , he was annoyed with himself that he simply hadn't realised JUST how stressed I was getting and he suggested that he could say a few words on my behalf and that I could simply enjoy the day ! !

From that moment I felt a weight lifted and the tightness across my chest disappeared .... we had a perfect day .

Thank you for all the thoughtful / helpful replies and messages ! !!